Why do men hate our girlfriends

While peacefully drinking our morning Americano at the beach bar, my friend and I started talking about how our vacation together, without men, was a godsend. And we would not want to be in a situation where we have to choose between peace in the family and the simple joys of communicating with friends. Why our men and girlfriends, like East and West, cannot get along together. This conversation turned out to be interesting.

Have you noticed that most men, at best, condescend to accept the fact that a woman needs a girlfriend and, at the mention of girlfriends, growl in the manner of a dog that has gone through a training course, but still does not want to share a bone? And sooner or later, we stop revealing this important part of our female life to her, and then this life either turns pale and shrinks with shagreen skin, or becomes fertile soil that yields rich fruits from the seeds of his suspicions. But it all started so innocently!

Having rummaged through our own personal experience, remembering girlfriends and friends, their relatives, work colleagues and neighbors, we came to statistics that may seem controversial, but this does not become less vital: 80% of men are in a state of overt or covert sabotage about communication of wives with their girlfriends, especially unmarried and socially successful.

In fairness, it must be said that sometimes a man is quite right in his judgments about our girlfriends, but this does not stop us from loving them, and having fallen in love, they no longer judge. But in most cases, a man’s dislike and wariness about his girlfriends is absolutely irrational. He sees in them a threat to his exclusivity and the stability of the domestic world order.

Girlfriends are eternal troublemakers, censors and examiners. The man guesses that manhood is taken out for analysis by his girlfriends, as for a dissertation council. Sometimes with humor, sometimes ruthlessly, we dissect, review each other’s personal lives, and voting with black or white balls can be of vital importance for someone. Only in this case the candidate is absent and deprived of the opportunity to defend himself.

Therefore, wise men do not anger our girlfriends, and sometimes they play the pipe for them in the manner of a fakir in a Hindu turban and shoes with curved toes. And men who are not experienced enough put us before a choice. The simple truth «Tell me who your friend is and I’ll tell you who you are» is understood differently by men and women.

A woman, loving a man and accepting his life and his environment, sees in his friends the best qualities of her beloved. After all, we understand that we still have to share it with others, so let them be worthy people. A man judges a woman by her friends. When his finger of accusation is pointed at her, know that the very qualities that he found in her, he transfers to you.

Hence the excessive pickiness where, it would seem, what does he care. The hit parade of male claims to our girlfriends: frivolity, squandering, low intelligence …. the list can be continued, and, of course, promiscuity crowns it. Stop your urge to rush to your friend’s defense. Instead, take a closer look at your loved one: as you know, they see in others what they do not recognize in themselves.

In my youth, I lost a friend, succumbing to the unobtrusive, but constant suggestions of the sweet, dear, beloved, the only one. Active, socially and financially successful, free, she seemed to be his nightmare — but what if the tart taste of her other life becomes more attractive to me than the arranged world of our Khrushchev? And he was absolutely jealous of me for our common past with her, in which there was no him, but there were leprosy of institute youth.

Returning home after the girls’ gatherings, I figured out what news to tell my husband and what to keep silent about, and did not love myself for this hypocrisy. Saving my nerves, at first I stopped talking about my friend in general, and then I stopped dating.

Fortunately, this mistake was corrected: a friend took me into her arms, and I said goodbye to the man on my own, and the tart taste of another life had absolutely nothing to do with it. Just one day, his self-doubt and self-affirmation of the type “and the grapes are green …” suddenly became insipid to the point of complete impossibility of coexistence.

Tell me who your man is and I’ll tell you who you are. And if life ever again diagnoses me with “love of evil”, then I know that it is the fighting girlfriends who will help me wake up from obsession. We are so arranged that we strive to open the door to our inner world for a loved one, and our girlfriends occupy a considerable place there. Sometimes even I am horrified by the degree of intimacy we are ready to go when discussing our sex life and men. What feelings, then, should this evoke in the heroes of our novel?

But we go further — we involve men in this intimate brawl, share the personal lives of our girlfriends with them, try to conduct a dialogue with them according to the same rules, or rather without rules, and we are annoyed by their misunderstanding. Maybe this is the root of the dilemma «men and / or girlfriend»? How to solve it? Of course, we did not find a recipe for either the second or third cup of coffee. But if it existed, then it would definitely include mutual respect.

I don’t want to say: love me, love my friend too. This is optional, and it sounds ambiguous. But to respect our friendship, our common values ​​and interests, you are not only obliged, but doubly obliged. These are like mandatory requirements for a candidate when applying for a job: a good person is not a profession if you need an experienced professional with a specialized education and knowledge of English. And I undertake to maintain the sovereignty of neighboring states — relations with my man and my girlfriends.

I believe that a man is able to understand our need for communication with girlfriends if he is well explained to him the meaning behind the form. We are still very different, and the form irritates him.

All these many hours of talking, shopping, senseless smearing of tears and snot, which does not end with anything constructive, but after which life again becomes at first tolerable, and then amazing, these are such relaxed vacations, when only after a week of excited conversations short pauses begin to appear in them , and even then because joint silence also has a therapeutic effect … He does not understand, but he will try.

Some of the men will say: «Girlfriends are evil.» Someone, having sent his wife to coffee with friends, happily rubs his hands in anticipation of a beer bachelor party. Someone in a good sense does not care with whom and for what activities his woman spends time, he is confident in himself, and confidence and trust are words of the same root. Perhaps such a man will not mind a vacation with a girlfriend at the sea, because his first association will be the sea, the sun and female chatter during spa treatments, and not resort beauties in thongs.

But I will refrain from such a test of confidence, so that one day he will not put me before the fact of an independent trip to the resort. It turns out that a vacation with a girlfriend will still have to be sacrificed. I don’t really like the idea of ​​sacrificing anything — neither for the sake of a man, nor in principle. During periods when men occupied a firm place in my life, communication with friends-girlfriends was naturally reduced to a minimum, and I don’t remember that I suffered from this.

Probably, the square meters of the soul, as well as the square meters of the apartment, are also limited, and the man, in addition to his place, also occupies the neighboring ones. That’s just the place of a real girlfriend in your interests to leave intact — this is part of the mystery that makes us women. There is a temptation to end with the phrase: men come and go, but girlfriends remain. But it’s not. We are alive, and we are changing, and sometimes we part with friends, just like with men.

Intimacy is a concept beyond gender differences, and it belongs to a narrow circle of values ​​uXNUMXbuXNUMXbthat I will defend to the last breath, because life without them is insipid and meaningless. I will defend both intimacy with a friend and intimacy with a man, even if I have to protect them from each other. And let the reaction of a man to his girlfriends be a litmus test in the test for mutual respect and acceptance of each other’s interests, and therefore, for the strength of the relationship.