Contents
Why are there people who mistrust us without knowing them
Psychology
It is more than likely that the person or situation that generates so much distrust has more to do with yourself than with that someone or something in particular
«It does not give me a good ‘thorn’», «it seems that it is not to be trusted», «I do not know why but it does not generate confidence in me» and a long etcetera of similar phrases we say and hear daily about many of the people around us : coworkers, new partners of our friends … In general, at some point in our lives we have felt mistrust, being an unpleasant emotion that It has its origin in the fear that they will hurt us and / or have a bad time. Although it is usually towards a specific person, it can also occur before a situation or thing.
The general health psychologist Patricia Fernández (@lapsiquedepatri) says that, sometimes, when we see someone we don’t know yet, we can have an instinct that makes us have a certain anticipatory thinking, «Like an internal voice that advises us to move away and not take any more steps ». Many times it is a question of mere survival; something about that person, that sometimes we don’t really know what, produces a “rejection” in us because we associate it with some situation or person that hurt us at the time.
Why we distrust
Distrust, obviously, is the opposite of trust, and arises from one’s own insecurity and uncertainty about having a bad time: “Not placing trust in someone means not expecting something good from that person, because it can fail us And if it fails us, we will have mentally prepared ourselves for that to happen. We are on notice », comments Patricia Fernández.
Although it seems that there are clear and concise characteristics of the people who give us the least confidence, the truth is that there are not, simply it is a cluster of attitudes, acts and / or motives that can generate it, especially if we associate them with past experiences.
“There may not be a clear motive as such in others, but probably there is in the person who has that mistrust. That is, in consultation, there are usually people who have distrust to generate affective bonds (partner, friends …) for fear of being hurt as in the past, but obviously, the damage is also done to themselves … Why? Because it implies being in constant alert and fear that what they fear will happen, or do not even try to generate links because of said fear, “warns the psychologist.
It is not bad to be suspicious, but it is not good either. All in perspective. “Like trust is something that is earned over time, mistrust should be too. It could be an exaggeration to fully trust a person without knowing them since we always start from a percentage of uncertainty, lack of control … but just as exaggerated and bad it would be to distrust someone so much to the point of not wanting to know them ».
These people usually they have suffered, they have failed and betrayed them… And then, they begin to develop a series of defense mechanisms so that this does not happen to them again. And they become friends of mistrust. Those protection mechanisms, if we do not know how to manage with it, can turn into destruction.
Curb mistrust
«The person who is distrustful usually knows that he is. It’s like ‘if you don’t know if you’ve had an orgasm, you haven’t had’ this is the same. Being distrustful implies having behaviors and / or thoughts that tend to avoidance and / or negative interpretation of people and things», Explains the psychologist Fernández.
To stop making anticipations, interpretations and judgments about people we don’t know yet, we need to be as realistic and objective as possible. That is, that they have hurt you in your past does not mean that they will do it to you in your future. Many times, these judgments are based on disproportionate and maladaptive thoughts that can be cognitive distortions. “Objectively, we have to rationalize what proofs of reality we have in that person / situation / thing that makes us distrust. If we do not know that person and they have not given us reasons, the most adaptive thing would be not to distrust“, advise.