Contents
Good day, dear readers of my blog! Breathe deeply, realize your desires and realize them. Make decisions without being influenced by others and allow yourself to be yourself while staying true to your identity and belonging. The ability to make a choice and be responsible for it, without blaming or punishing oneself for mistakes and imperfections — this is what the inner freedom of a person means.
How do restrictions appear?
Opinion of others
Have you noticed how much energy young children have? With what excitement and interest do they live every day? And the thing is that they are spontaneous and do not stop themselves in their desires. Until they grow up, because caring parents and strangers begin to teach them the norms of behavior. Often, according to my observations, it looks like this: “Don’t do this, otherwise everyone will laugh at you now.” And the kid who heard the groovy music at the bus stop has to stop dancing to the beat, because it’s embarrassing and those around him will look at him, and even laugh.
And then, already in adulthood, he will stop doing a whole bunch of things that, in his opinion, will attract attention to him, after which he will definitely be very ashamed. For example, to offer at the meeting your idea on how to increase sales in order to have a chance to advance in your career, or to approach the girl you like … A lot of things, because the fear of condemnation and depreciation will live inside.
This process is called introjection. This is the most basic enemy, because of which there is no freedom. That is, beliefs, norms of behavior, priorities, and so on, which we did not come to on our own, but by adopting from others, significant people for ourselves, even whom we hate. After all, then their image sits deep inside, and we are used to using it in any life circumstances. Signs can also be attributed to introjects.
For example, a woman during pregnancy does not take care of herself, that is, she does not do makeup, does not dye her hair, etc., because there is a sign that prohibits this process. And then a very wonderful time, when, in theory, a woman blossoms, carrying a child under her heart, becomes unbearable for her and not as beautiful as it seemed. She hates her reflection in the mirror, and is waiting for the moment when she finally gives birth and can feel attractive again.
Bad experience
It also arises due to some bad experience that is deposited in the subconscious. In moments similar to the previous situation, there is a feeling of fear, confusion. After living through a traumatic experience, a person can generally close in on himself, not risking showing up and trying to block emotions so as not to feel pain. In this case, some part of the personality is blocked and becomes unfree. For example, after violence, a woman is afraid to show her femininity and sexuality, she experiences tension in the presence of men, and sometimes even aggression. What kind of inner freedom, then, can we talk about when there are such weighty restrictions?
Often we stop ourselves for fear of ruining relationships. The difference between a free and not free person here is one, the first one makes a conscious choice. For example, without telling the boss your opinion about him, because he understands what consequences this will entail. But the second one is from good breeding, after all, they are not rude to seniors, and in general, because it is disturbing for a person to tell the truth in person, and then he will tolerate injustice, allow himself to be taken advantage of, without attempting to look for a more worthy job with adequate bosses.
Not accepting yourself
A serious problem, which is very restrictive in presenting yourself to the world, is not accepting yourself as you are. Some qualities, body parts, personal characteristics, life history … As a result, low self-esteem appears. Against its background, there will be a constant unconscious comparison of oneself with others, and not at all with positive conclusions. Once in the company of more successful people, a person who has many internal restrictions will not feel comfortable. He will try not to stick out and seem invisible.
Many women do not accept their body as it is. Dreaming of losing weight, changing, and having the idea that the outer shell plays the most important role in life, and that after these changes everything will get better and become different. But, having lost weight, they rarely feel the expected happiness, because inside they have remained the same. What kind of woman will attract more male attention to herself, who is beautiful, but very constrained, squeezed, avoiding communication and too tense? Or who, for example, is overweight, but at the same time energetic, free and enjoying life?
Fear of uncertainty
Some people have a fear of the unknown, when it’s uncomfortable, when things don’t go according to plan, when it becomes necessary to adapt. Therefore, such individuals control, or at least try to control, not only the lives of loved ones, but also circumstances. And this, as you know, is impossible. And not only they suffer from this, but also those who are controlled.
For example, a completely natural fear of losing a child turns into torture. When a mother gives up her personal life, guarding her son, not giving him freedom and checking every step. She suffers both from anxiety and the inability to live, enjoying, satiating and fulfilling her needs. The son will also suffer, who feels in a vice, not also having the opportunity to live as he wants and gain experience by trial and error.
Recommendations
1. Awareness of responsibility
Finding freedom first of all begins with the realization that you are responsible not only for your life, but also for its quality. Therefore, you should not try to be «good» and please everyone, sacrificing your own interests, or expect a «good wizard» who will appear and change everything. Therefore, if something happens that makes you unhappy, consider whether it is worth to endure further, or still take the risk and try in a different way.
You can take a leaf, divide it into two columns. In one write down the cons and consequences if you leave everything as it is, well, for example, without getting divorced or quitting. What is fraught with and what will it lead to over time. And in the second column, write risks, fears and fantasies about how everything will change and what will happen if you risk changing something in life that you don’t like. And if you make a decision that you leave everything as it is, this will be your conscious choice.
For example, I stay with my alcoholic husband because I value those moments when he is sober, and this is my choice. Then I will not look like a victim and wonder how to find happiness, then I am a free person who knows what he is doing and why.
2. Dependencies
Dependence partially deprives us of the right to choose, limiting our actions and opportunities in general. On the path of self-development, this is a significant obstacle that will prevent you from breathing deeply and boldly declaring that you are a free, conscious person. I recommend reading a few articles that I devoted to this particular topic: “How to get rid of gambling addiction”, “From gaming” and “Alcoholic”.
3.Settings
To begin to become aware of your introjects, first write down a list of 10 statements that exist in your perception. Then explore where each of them came from, whether you generally agree with it and help or hinder its presence in life. After all, many of the beliefs were created at a different time, by other generations, and now, in the modern world, they may not work at all. Remember the article on the theory of generations?
So, the Xs raised their children, instilling the value of getting an education, and in their era it really was the key to a successful life, until perestroika broke out. And if earlier this introject worked, now it is possible to earn a million even without obtaining a diploma. The main thing is to believe in yourself and not stop in front of obstacles. But in order to please their parents, many unknowingly go to universities, doing something completely different from what they want and spend whole years wasting before they find themselves.
By the way, examples of such people are described in the article «The most famous and great people who achieved success without higher education». Therefore, explore also the degree of influence of other people’s opinions. Thinking about why you or for whom you make some decisions that relate specifically to your life.
4.Real me
To increase the level of inner freedom, you need to really look at yourself. You know that there are no ideal people, just as there are no completely insignificant ones. In some ways we are good, but in some ways others manage to prove themselves better. And here you should understand your pluses and minuses, not scolding, being ashamed and punishing, but accepting so different. I don’t know how to repair cars, so I don’t climb to disassemble them. But I am well versed in computers, so I help even my friends with them.
And exactly the same with appearance, qualities, etc. The main thing is our attitude to something. If I do not demand too much from myself, being able to enjoy what I have and use it correctly, then I can safely say that I am a free person.
Conclusion
That’s all for today, dear readers! I wish you the disclosure of personal potential, inspiration and strength on the way to yourself and self-knowledge. Do not forget to subscribe to the blog to be aware of new interesting information that will help in self-development. Good luck and accomplishments!