What makes people voluntarily go to special clubs where they are bullied? The owner of a secret meeting place has been exploring the root causes of sadomasochism for many years. And here’s what she found out.
Have you ever read a book that you can’t put down and keep swallowing page after page on the subway, then on the escalator, then at your desk? Or did they arrange a “serial marathon” for themselves on one of the weekends, watching series after series without interruption?
The same is true during the session. The feeling that at the moment you are alive, all your senses are working at their maximum and all emotions and your mind are completely given over to the experience of anxious expectation.
What happens next?
The subordinate does not know this, he has completely given control to the dominant partner.
He does not need to think about anything and does not need to make difficult decisions.
He doesn’t have to do anything at all. Strange as it may sound, people come to my club to feel the same as in yoga or meditation.
They take care of him, take care of him. He has a man to whom he is not indifferent …
To be in this moment, to experience it with every cell of your body. Musicians and athletes experience this in the moment of maximum concentration during a performance, when the whole world ceases to exist and there is only what they are experiencing now, second by second.
They chose the hard way for this, went through training and failure. The masochist chose his own method, which seems to him the only possible one.
This is what they come back for. All you have to do is obey and “follow the flow.”
On a psychological level, the masochist completely trusts control to the dominant partner and feels absolutely comfortable with him when he “carefully” tightens the knots on him.
He obeys when he tells him not to breathe, as if he were in childhood and swallows a cough pill.
They take care of him, take care of him. He has a person who cares about him. And this man knows what he wants.
Does the masochist know this? Looks like the answer is clear.
The task of the Dominatrix is to use her actions to immerse a person subordinate to her into a state where his deep fantasies, which he did not tell anyone about and which he held back, can come out.
To do this, his sympathetic nervous system is excited through ritual actions. Slaps and belt blows, verbal abuse (and, accordingly, pleas for mercy) are a necessary part of the session, which over time he already begins to look forward to.
During the session, the masochist has a sense of danger. On a physiological level, this means that the adrenal glands produce adrenaline in huge quantities.
Then, as soon as he knows that the danger has passed, endorphins are released. These are natural analgesics, a pain reliever, which in turn supplies us with opioids, bringing a feeling of calm, relaxation, complete relaxation.
“Many clients tell me,” says Morgese, who is a professional Dominatrix at 55, “after the session is over, they feel euphoric, ecstatic.”
It is such a bright and intense feeling that it seems to them that they are practically floating above the ground.
The state of euphoria after the session can last for hours or even weeks. After the initial surge of euphoria, it is replaced by a period when the subordinate experiences a decline in emotions, his temperature may drop sharply after the end of the execution.
Ecstatic feelings are replaced by drowsiness and deep relaxation. The subordinate has a sense of belonging, deep affection, that he is needed, and, strange as it sounds, love.
A special bond arises between the dominant partner and his subordinate, as they experience together those vivid and forbidden sensations that no one but themselves knows about. They know about those aspects of each other’s lives that no one else knows about.
About the Expert: Sandra La Morgese is a blogger and author of 5 steps for better Communication, Sex and Happiness.