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Wendy syndrome or why some people prioritize the needs of others
Psychology
In this tireless search for happiness, the Wendy personality plays a role of rescuer with her partner, feeling loved, necessary and useful.
If a few days ago we were talking about the Peter Pan syndrome, identifying this animated character as someone who refuses to grow up, we can also analyze the position of Wendy, a girl willing to pleasing others for fear of rejection. This is how the extended Wendy syndrome.
This syndrome refers, as the clinical psychologist Paloma Rey points out, to the need to satisfy the desires of another person, and generally it is usually the partner or the children: «It is a syndrome that affects mostly women, although it does not have a neuropsychological protection», It indicates.
These people seem to have a need to please others through the constant search for acceptance out of fear of suffering rejection and abandonment from the other person. This type of personality is known with this term to remember the character of Wendy in the history of Peter Pan, where she exercised a relational dependent role on Peter and prevented him from growing and maturing.
«In a couple relationship in which one of the members assumes the role of mother, it makes it difficult and even prevents their partner from maturing and taking responsibility for their own needs, which can lead to a prioritization of needs of the other against their own and, therefore, in the high level of suffering on both sides “, says Paloma Rey. Therefore, in that tireless search for the happiness of the other, the Wendy personality plays a role of “rescuer with her partner by feeling loved, necessary and useful.” This leads to the false belief that love means sacrifice, resignation and self-denial, fleeing from the rejection of others and seeking their continued approval.
Personality
Although it is not a neuropsychological endorsed syndrome, some have been detected traits that people with this personality type present.
— Perfectionism: Paloma Rey (@palomareypsicologia) says that they are people who predominantly present this trait and that it leads them to feel guilty when something goes wrong (in this case, when they fail to satisfy others).
– There is no difference between your concept of love and sacrifice. “They resign themselves to fatigue, discomfort and any type of negative consequence that comes with caring, incessantly, of another person,” warns the psychologist.
– They feel essential. These people assume the tasks and responsibilities “of their Peter Pan”, reaching the role of mother of their partner.
— They constantly apologize or they have feelings of guilt for things that have been impossible for them to do on time.
— Sumisión: avoid conflicts with their partner and try to make her happy at all costs, even if this means putting aside their own happiness.
To treat the syndrome
Taking into account that these people present a pattern of behavior typical of emotional dependence and that their level of self-esteem is low. We must carry out an intervention where these areas are mainly covered.
However, and according to the expert, it is important to include aspects such as the following in the treatment:
— Awareness of the situation: Generally, people suffering from this syndrome normalize this type of behavior in their relationship.
— Emotional intelligence training: it is really necessary that these people learn not only to identify their own emotions but also to know how to manage them. Understanding how their emotions have played a key role in the development of behavior will help them avoid repeating this pattern in the future.
— Know how to say no: This is especially relevant since this personality type has a tendency to avoid any conflict that may arise from the refusal to please their partner. “This part is more complex since it requires therapy sessions that can confront the disruptive thoughts that hide behind this pattern of behavior,” concludes Paloma Rey.
Therefore, you have to look closely at these types of attitudes and be convinced that you can change and acquire much healthier behaviors and attentions.