“I lost the mucous plug 15 days in advance. So I decide to go to the maternity ward alone (especially do not do it !!!). I am installed in the dining room, my water bag had ruptured. The midwife said to me: “I will leave your cell phone with you, your husband not being here yet, he can reach you on the phone like that.” Thank you Madam !
Me, who is never called, that day was France Telecom, an aunt, a cousin, some girlfriends… I didn’t see the time go by and, finally, the funniest part: “Hello, c ‘is Carrefour’s delivery service, we come to deliver your household appliances. “And I answer:” Oh my, I’m sorry, I completely forgot about you! “The not happy man:” But after all, it’s crazy, what are you doing! It’s already been three times that we postpone “, and me:” Excuse me, I give birth !!! “Him, all panicked:” You need help, what am I doing? »« Nothing, hang up, I will manage !!! »MDR !!!! The gentleman was very nice, impeccable delivery the next day with, as a bonus, a bouquet of flowers !!! ”
“My first childbirth was a scheduled induction. Before settling down on the bed, the midwife said to me: “take your clothes off”, and I, who answered her: “I also take off my panties? “. She said to me with an air that said a lot: “Well yes, it might be better to examine you!” Oh shame!
My second childbirth went really well, musical background, very relaxed atmosphere. So relaxed, that at one point, I farted and the midwife wanted to “save” me. She said as she fiddled with her latex gloves, “Oh, what are these new gloves doing?” It was nice of her, but we all noticed where that noise was coming from… She only pushed me further. ”
“It’s the birth of a girlfriend. In the evening, she says to her husband: “I think it’s good”, he says: Ok I’m getting ready “, and there he brushes his teeth, goes to get a sweater … Result, she shakes it because the contractions are very close together, hop they get (finally!) in the car. Do not ask me how, but there, he calls my husband without knowing it (red key I imagine, phone in my pocket) and my husband, at 23:XNUMX pm, recognizes the number and says: “Hello? How’s it going ? there is a problem ? But no one answers. There, my husband hears the car screeching, then a guy shouting: “You’re not okay, you’re crazy, get out of your car!” “And my friend who replies:” Sorry my wife gives birth! »My husband was in a panic, he followed the whole delivery without anyone knowing, it was so funny!
For baby2, always them, same scenario, she feels that she is going to give birth, he “ok I’m getting ready”, she “no right away! »He takes her to the hospital and he says to him:« Wait, I forgot your suitcase in the car, I am coming back ». He missed the birth of his son, arrived in 5 minutes (the 1st in 10 min, no time for epidurals!) ”
“Since I had a thrombus (a 15 cm blood clot behind the wall of the vagina), I was swollen and in great pain. And since I had not peed since returning from the labor room, I was put a catheter (supposed to be a urinary catheter). Except that instead of putting it in the ureter, the nurse put it in the vagina, really useful for peeing !!! Suddenly, the only midwife of the maternity ward came to do it and told her her mistake in front of me, mdr !!! ”
“For my first delivery, there was a woman in the next room begging the midwives to hurry, because she wanted her baby to arrive absolutely before midnight. She wanted her baby to be born on the same day as Patrick Bruel (May 14). Ah, when you’re a fan… ”
“When I was in the process of giving birth, the gynecologist said to me:” Come on, push madam, I see the head “, and there I answer her:” Yes, I know, I also see it in your glasses “. Total burst of laughter in the delivery room, the gynecologist replied: “Well, we had never done that one to me!” ”
“I lost my waters the morning of the France-Portugal semi-final. Like no contractions and cervix at 1,5, we were told it wasn’t for today since it was also our first baby. At 17 pm, the contractions are back and the future daddy who said to the baby: “Not tonight, it’s the game, I would like to see it. “Well, I entered the gym at 21pm (start of the match) and my loulou was born at 23pm (end of the match). In the meantime, the anesthetist came to tell us that Zidane had scored and we even listened to the match on the radio during the delivery. We will remember this birth! ”
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