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Parents of twins know that their children’s education requires special attention.. At the start of the school year, certain questions arise: how to best manage the first steps in school for their little duo? Should we separate the twins from the smallest section or on the contrary leave them together? Elements of answers with Monique de Kermadec, psychologist and specialist in early childhood, author of the book “The precocious child today. Prepare it for the world of tomorrow ”at Albin Michel and the“ Jumeaux et Plus ”Federation.
Back to school: should we separate the twins or not?
The frequency of twin births is around 1% in France. These pairs of children are either a pair of identical twins, or dizygotes, called “false” twins, which can also be of different sexes. Monique de Kermadec, a child psychologist, specifies on this subject that: “In Anglo-Saxon countries, there is no distinction between true and fraternal twins. For the parents of the latter, it would be frowned upon to name them thus ”. By the fusional tandem whether they form from birth, these brothers and / or sisters have a specific and different psycho-affective development compared to single children or those born into ordinary siblings. According to the psychologist, “Twins have needs that parents must meet in a specific and adapted way.” And back to schoolis one of the main stages of socialization in childhood which requires special preparation.
The specific development of twin children
The Federation Twins and More specifies that “in their infancy, twins go through4 specific stages of development : a step of twin fusion between birth and 2 years, a stage known as complementarity between 2 and 6-7 years old, a first stage empowerment from 7 to 11-12 years old and a second stage of empowerment from 12 years old ”. There are therefore additional stages of development compared to an only child, in particular that of twin fusion, a time decried and which is, today considered as a completely natural stage of development. Another complex period, that of complementarity, which corresponds to the age of the first school year, around 2/3 years old. the cognitive development twins work out of step with each other. It is at this moment that parents seek at all costs to find characteristics specific to each child, in a somewhat caricatural way sometimes, considering that one is softer, the other more violent, or one loves. the sweet and the other the salty, etc. This is what René Zazzo, psychologist specializing in twins, had identified as the report of dominant vs dominé. Today, experts agree that this frozen relationship is absolutely not, on the contrary, it keeps changing according to the activities offered to children. And it is precisely at this time that the twins must return to school. So parents ask themselves: do we have to separate them?
A beneficial separation
For the “Twins and More” Federation the answer is yes. « We must ensure that twin children are not embarrassed by their self-sufficiency. You have to go against the isolation of the duo and help the real twins in particularto distinguish oneself. The problem is different for fraternal twins, same sex or different sex. We must avoid creating a school hierarchy when they are in the same class, especially between twins. In the majority of cases, the girl performs better than the boy, even with equal intelligence. It can therefore be embarrassing for the other twin ”. This is also the opinion of Monique de Kermadec. For the specialist, if they are separated from nursery school: “Each child will be able to grow and flourish individually”. Even if they are in the same class, the teacher can make them work in different groups to prevent one from gaining the upper hand over the other. Cécile, a mother of twins, testifies on our social networks: “They were separated in large section. This allowed them to individualize much more than before, because there was one who dominated the other ”. This is also the opinion of Ludivine, another mother on Facebook: “my daughters were separated from the small section and everything went very well. This year, they are entering GS and once again, each on their own. This allows the more withdrawn of the two to express themselves more ”. However, the twins remain, in the majority of cases together, in the first year of kindergarten..
When to separate twins at school?
For the “Jumeaux et Plus” association, twins who start school in the same class very often have less difficulty to get used to other children. Caroline, mother of Maëlie and Evan, 6 years old today, explains that at the start of the junior section “they were together and it went very well. They each had their own friends and activities ”. It was the year after that things got complicated. “In the middle section, they had to change schools and they were expected to stay together. But on the first day of the school year, they each met in a different class, says the mom. The teacher did not consult us, and therefore, we could not prepare the children in advance. On the big day, faced with a fait accompli, Maëlie found herself alone in her class and started screaming while I took Evan to hers. I was able to negotiate with the teacher so that they were together. But Maëlie remained glued to her brother at recess for a month before going to the others ”. Caroline thinks you really have to take son temps, upstream, to explain to the twins how it will be. This is also the opinion of the psychologist: “a return to school must be prepared in advance in general in the siblings, so with twins, it is necessary to even more explanations ! »After, according to the children, some parents prefer them to be together up to CPor even more. “I think I’ll wait until my twins are ready,” Caroline explains. Besides, she asks them every year if they want to be together or not. “I am thinking of leaving them together until their 8 years old, the age when twins are ready to be independent ». This is also the opinion of another mother who testifies to the difficulty of her twins to be separated: “I wanted to separate them by big section so that the one who was more in the background could speak more, but it was a total failure. They no longer told me anything, they were no longer happy and I found them at night, in the same bed, as if to fill a gap. They returned together after a month, and since then everything has been going very well, each has taken their place. I will separate them later, if they are really asking ”.
The importance of autonomy when they grow up
For Monique de Kermadec, the psychologist, it is nevertheless important to separate them when they grow up so that they can have their own individuality. Twins have this specificity that they function clike a couple. Caroline, Maëlie and Evan’s mother testifies “when they speak, they use the US to ask for something. I feel an important union between them, a very strong bond ”. Monique de Kermadec specifies that “there is no equality strictly speaking even if they are in a mirror relationship physically. There is always a leader over the other. Separation allows everyone to grow as a person, individually ”. Indeed, for her “the fact that the twins are in two classes allows them to gain personal autonomy, to also find a certain balance in their relationship, the dominant is no longer necessarily in his place, and the rivalries are less strong ”. For her, the main thing is that each child “can acquire his own identity which will allow him to grow up while being himself”. To prepare them well in advance, the psychologist advises parents to buy small books who explain what school is, what we do there and the pleasure of being together to make lots of different friends!
Twin children: what back-to-school allowance?
At each start of the school year, some families can benefit from a back-to-school allowance (ARS) paid by CAF. The amount of this assistance will depend on declared income by parents but also by the number and age of children at the start of the school year. If you are parents of twins, you will therefore benefit from assistance provided for two children. This help is possible for children with between 6 and 16 years. For those aged 16 to 18, you will need to prove that they are still studying or learning.