The suitcases are stacked in the trunk, the GPS programmed, the family car has been on the road to vacation for a good forty seconds and already, here it is, THE sentence:
– Are we here soon?
The child, in his car seat harnessed to the back seat (a twenty-minute fight between the father and the seat, why are these things so difficult to install?), Begins to get bored. There is still 400 km to go before reaching the destination.
– Are we here soon?
– We just left, darling. You have to ride for a while
– How long is a moment?
– About an hour (yes, we lie like a tooth puller)
– How many seconds has it been an hour?
– 3 600
– And there, we arrived soon?
It is assumed that the person who invented the tablet holder to hang on the front headrest is now a millionaire. But I have values. I do not stick my kid in front of a cartoon at the first annoyance.
– We are going to have fun counting the white cars (very opportunely offers the mother of the child)
We thus gain seven good minutes of peace, at the end of which the child asks:
– Are we here soon?
– Well, let’s do some guesswork, okay?
The child loves to play guessing games. He asks his first question:
– I am a feline who lives in the savannah and I go very fast. Who am I ?
– Cheetah
– Good dad!
The child, caught up in the game, immediately continues with a second riddle.
– I am a feline who lives in the savannah and I go very fast. Who am I ?
– Uh, the cheetah?
– Well done dad. Are we here soon?
At this stage, the mother has already abdicated, she snores with her mouth open on the seat while the child poses a third riddle (which concerns a very fast feline). The kilometers go by and, to postpone the moment of the cartoon, we vary the entertainment: we recite the alphabet, count in English, revise the capitals of South America (that is our little family neurosis, do not judge please).
– What is the capital of Suriname?
– Are we here soon?
(Here is the moment when you have to refrain from screaming: but no damn we are not there soon, there is still three hours on the road at the very least and it still depends if things are stuck at the tollbooth so try to sleep. And the capital of the Suriname is Paramaribo).
– Listen to my coconut, we’re going to put on a little cartoon, okay?
We buy a few minutes of tranquility thanks to the PJ Masks or Paxi (I recommend Paxi, the little alien who explains how the solar system works to little Earthlings).
Every action has its consequences. After staring at the screen for too long, the child
utters the other phrase so dreaded during car journeys:
– I want to vomit
After an express stop that allows you to get some fresh air and avoid the disaster, the vehicle sets off again, with a weary child on board, smeared and in a terrible mood.
– Are you better, big boy?
– Daddy, you’re poo sausage
The father then addresses the mother and, with a sigh, asks her:
– Are we here soon?