Contents
Step 45: “If the advice you give is doing you more good than the other person, save it”
The 88 rungs of happy people
In this chapter of «The 88 steps of happy people» I help you not to give away advice, but to give away your experience
Many of us have screwed up giving advice they haven’t asked us, and many of us have also felt annoyed at get advice we haven’t asked for. How could such awkward situations have been avoided? With this trick: do not give a tip; give your experience away. How? Of course, with a script of success. Keep reading. Appears at the end. Every time we give advice that the other has not asked for, our ego will tell us that we are doing it for his sake, since, in order for us to buy his trick, the ego (which is very clever) will disguise it as help . But all help, no matter how good it is supposed to be, may not be desired by the recipient, and is then imposed by the one who gives it. And this implies that the one who benefits is not him for having received it, but you for having extracted the pleasure of giving it (of course, without his permission).
This has several problems. One is that their freedom has been restricted. Yeah, but it’s for her good. I know he is wrong, “you say. First: this is your opinion, and it is subject to error; it would be like advising the rest of the country to vote for the political party you vote for, since it is for their good. And second: the right to be wrong is one of the most important rights, and paradoxically, granting that right does not require a sacrifice on his part, but on your part. But the biggest problem is that giving advice to someone who did not ask for it without asking for prior permission creates hierarchy. It’s like saying, “I know the truth and you don’t. And therefore, I speak to you from a higher plane and you listen to me from a lower one ». Hmmm… wrong choice.
Here is the definitive solution to turn advice into gifts and not hurt sensitivities “never again”. Are you ready?
When you are tempted to give free advice, just get over it by talking not about what the other should do, but about what has worked for you, using the following success script: «In my experience…».
BOOM!
Three words that change everything.
Is there a hierarchy? No. We have gone from giving top-down advice to sharing an experience between two people who are on the same level.
Can your advice offend? Not because there isn’t. Now you are no longer giving advice. You are sharing a practice that has worked for you.
Are you imposing your criteria? No, since there can be no imposition where only one’s own experience is shared. The imposition arises when terms such as “you should”, “I advise you”, “it is better for you” or “you are wrong if …” are used, all lacking in the tact of diplomacy. Any of these four examples runs the risk of being perceived as an attack, and any perception of attack causes a defensive position. Bad roll.
Yes, thanks to this Step, you commit to me to memorize and use the three previous words, in that order, every time you are tempted to give one of those reckless advice, I commit to you that the relationship with your fellow students work or study, friends and especially family will take a big leap. Trust me.