In some situations, you may find yourself helpless in front of your emotions not because you cannot control them. Physically, you can, but socially, sometimes you can’t. There are social restrictions. The whole human culture is built on the fact that emotions are predominantly involuntary reactions, and the transfer of emotions into the category of conscious and arbitrary actions is dangerous because it destroys the very basis of human relationships. Hence the limitations.
Husband-wife situation
The family, husband and wife have successfully completed emotion management classes — and both know that the emotions of the other are now controlled: they are triggered when necessary and removed when they are not needed.
The husband came home very late, did not call, the wife was dissatisfied. If the husband does not like it, how can he talk to her? “Tan, have you decided to influence me with your discontent now? Take off your discontent, it doesn’t suit you and doesn’t solve the issue, If you want to talk, talk to a normal face, and take off your displeased face immediately!” So? This is how people do not live, this is how the normal basis of normal relationships disappears.
What to do in this case? Look →
The situation with the child
And how to influence children? Talking is ineffective, they can simply not listen to conversations, let them pass by their ears. Children can be seriously influenced only by emotions, but as long as the children believe that their parents have real emotions. And now imagine a teenage son is aware that his mother took courses in managing emotions, his mother told him what it means, and now the son quarrels with his sister, calling her a fool and stronger. Mom told him: “Stop!”, He does not stop. Now mom is angry with him, says: “Stop immediately, I’m angry with you!”, And he retorts her: “Don’t be angry, mom, do you know how to manage your emotions? Sit down and relax, put yourself in order, negative emotions are harmful to health! ”, This happens to children of psychologists. As soon as the child realizes that the parents are seriously able to manage their emotions, the parents are largely helpless in front of the child.
You don’t have to tell other people this. You need to tell yourself. You can sometimes share with close friends to test inner honesty, to develop inner honesty — this is sometimes useful and important. Sometimes you don’t notice something in yourself, and when those close to you tell you in a friendly way what you are really doing, you can nod — yes, you are right.