Revolutionary technique of seduction. How to conquer and get anyone (H. Fexeus)

Abstract

Henrik Fexeus is now Sweden’s best-known expert on the art of mind reading and non-verbal communication, a wildly successful author of books and lectures on body language and psychological manipulation, and host of the super-popular show Mind Molten.

This is an excellent book for those who want to use mind manipulation techniques to dramatically increase their popularity with the opposite sex, learn how to flirt by the rules and make dating as easy as possible.

Within the pages of the book, the brilliant manipulator Fexeus offers his exclusive, highly specific, practical advice to help you in the art of seduction.

foreword

Prelude

This book is for both men and women. There is a ridiculous prejudice that a man should always make the first move, and therefore all books on pickup (flirting, seduction) are written for men. But you and I know that if a man takes the first step, it is only because the woman “worked” him for an hour, demonstrating that she is free and attractive.

Women want love and sex just as much as men, they are just better at hiding it.

Nevertheless, some of my advice will be useful specifically for men, simply because they are not as sensitive and attentive as the fair sex, and sometimes they need to be poked in the nose in order to get a good result. The rest of my advice, I hope, will be equally useful to both men and women.

My book is based on a heterosexual model of relationships, but I assure you, these recipes work great in relationships between lesbians and gays. Why? Yes, because the basic human needs are the same for all people, regardless of sexual orientation. We feel the need for love and understanding and cannot do without communication with other people. If my book offends someone with its one-sidedness, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Think of it as a stylistic device to simplify the presentation of the material.

Sometimes I used the pronoun «he» and in some cases «she», but this does not mean that advice works only for women or only for men. You can safely substitute «she» for «he» (and vice versa) and apply the recommendations in practice.

Parenthesis

In recent years, I have confused many minds with my two books, where I taught readers to put into practice various techniques for manipulating the consciousness of others. In my modest writings, I have touched on all topics — from sign language in everyday life to the manipulation of the psyche in political propaganda. I have tried to explain everything in as much detail as possible so that readers do not have any questions. But questions remain. And everyone who has read my books or just heard about them has asked and continues to ask me the same question.

Strangers stopped me on the street, sat down at my table in a restaurant, journalists took me aside or paused the recorder to ask this question. And everyone — young and old, men and women — was worried about one thing:

Can these tricks be used to get someone into bed?

Of course, the most shy used words and phrases like «to get acquainted», «to interest a person of the opposite sex», «flirting», but they all meant the same thing. Sometimes the question was asked directly, sometimes bluntly, for example, in a bar, when someone liked a beauty: “Don’t look there, but that girl is on the right, at the bar. How can I hook her up?» Having heard the same question a million times over the past two years, I finally understood what exactly is on the minds of most people.

Of course, the book will not give you all the answers, but it will help you start your search. On the pages of my book you will find specific practical advice that will help you fall in love with anyone. To some, they may seem banal and primitive, to others, on the contrary, they are complex and implausible, but believe me: they work. There are complex psychological and biological mechanisms behind even the most primitive recommendations. Not wanting to torment you with theory, I tried to state everything as simply and clearly as possible. I suspect that you are eager to get to the bottom of the matter as soon as possible, because in the art of flirting, it is not the process that is more important, but the result.

You will notice that some methods suit you more, others less. Some examples will be enough just to take from the book and put into practice, others will have to be adapted a little for themselves. Everyone is different, and one method may not work for everyone.

The book can be read from beginning to end, or you can open it at the desired chapters. But remember that on the way to mastering the art of flirting, you will have to go through certain stages. To sleep with an object of interest to you, you first need to come to mutual sympathy and establish contact, and only then proceed to seduction. You will learn everything much better if you read in order. Just remember that this is not an instruction to be followed through, and my book is not equal to your own merit. Consider her as a true friend who, imperceptibly for others, tells you in your ear what to do.

And another little warning. I cannot make you fall in love, I cannot help you meet the One (The One), and also tell you how to save the marriage. Look for this information in other books.

But I can help you master the art of flirting. I will teach you to understand the body language of other people and guess their secret desires. I will show you how to use your gestures to make yourself even more attractive in the eyes of other people. Thanks to my book, you can change your mindset and take the first step. With her help, you will always know what to say on a date. And it will depend only on you — how far you want to go in the art of flirting.

Of course, all my methods are aimed at one thing — the development of communication skills, because before you flirt, you need to learn how to communicate with people. The skill of communication is a vital skill, and to practice it, I offer you a pocket bible if you so desire. Just don’t forget: although some methods seem too «soft», in reality the effect of them is simply amazing. And in order not to have problems with sex, you first need to get rid of all the complexes that prevent you from communicating with people. And becoming a guru of communication, you can practice Casanova’s techniques.

Like I said, I can’t help you find love. But I can provide you with a large selection of suitable objects and make the search for the One or the Same much more interesting.

In addition, flirting is insanely interesting. Flirting means being interested in other people. To flirt is to be playful, charming, cute, amiable, sexy, and popular. To flirt means to cheer others up. Through flirting, you can radically change your personal life and improve relationships with people. If before you had problems finding a partner, now everything will change. But first you have to change yourself. Of course, it will be difficult at first. You will do things that you are not used to. But soon you will see the results and realize that all the old methods that you used do not work. Every time you leave the house, grab a couple of new tips with you, and your evening will turn into an exciting adventure.

Chapter one. The right attitude

Your attractiveness depends on your mood

No. 001. What are you in the mood for?

Everything starts and ends with a certain mood. What you set yourself up for is what other people will pay attention to, and this is how they will treat you. Fortunately, moods can be just as easy to choose as clothes (maybe even easier: how many times have you caught yourself standing in a stupor in front of the closet, not knowing what to wear? But we’ll talk about clothes later).

So, look into your mental wardrobe and make a decision. Choose what suits you. Attitude can be used to show others that you are shy or anxious, just as you can create the impression that you are a confident and determined person who is a pleasure to deal with.

Your moods are not only a personal matter, they affect both your behavior and the behavior of others. If you are an open and joyful person, then others will also enjoy communicating with you. And from joy to love — one step. If you do everything to show yourself as a silent and insecure person, then others in your company will be uncomfortable. With this attitude, you will never become a prom queen (or a great Casanova). Therefore, try to show people your best qualities. By sending the right signals, you will only get positive feedback.

bonus

If you like portraying a mysterious and inaccessible stranger (or a depressive poet), then do not count on success. Think for yourself: it is sometimes interesting to talk with such a person, because his extreme image is intriguing. But what is the thrill of a long relationship with this type? In addition, God forbid something makes you laugh — and goodbye to the image of a suicidal nymph.

No. 002. There is no one and only

Women find it hard to find a good man. It seems to men that it is difficult to find a good woman. But in fact, as soon as you walk out the door, you will find hundreds of good women (men). The problem is that when you see an interesting object, the rest of the world does not exist for you, all your attention is focused on only one person. It seems to you that the rest of your life depends on whether he likes you or not. And if he (she) says “no”, you will hide in a dark corner, curl up in a ball and lie there quietly, like a mouse, for the next year. But there is no reason to sink to the bottom, even if the object of your attention shines brighter than the sun. Whatever reception you meet, there are still other people and other possibilities.

Why do you go to the bookstore? That’s right, a book. What about a restaurant? To eat and chat with friends! You go to courses to learn Esperanto. Everything else is just context, don’t forget that. And if a girl of indescribable beauty or a man with Tarzan muscles suddenly caught your eye, do not make your acquaintance with him your main goal in life, otherwise you will ruin everything. You will be so worried about what he (she) will tell you that you yourself will not be able to open your mouth.

Don’t focus on talking to pretty strangers. Your attention belongs to your friends. Your thoughts are busy finding the right book or learning new phrases (Esperanto is a tricky thing). Then, compared to the importance of your main task, exchanging a couple of phrases with a stranger will seem like a mere trifle to you. There are only two options for the development of events. Or he wants to talk to you, and then everything is fine. Or he doesn’t want to, and this is also good — in fact, you did not come to the bookstore to talk to him, and you can safely continue to search for the right book. Think this way and you will remain calm and relaxed in any situation. You will no longer have despair written on your forehead, and everyone will consider you a pleasant conversationalist and a nice guy (girl). This is the right attitude!

No. 003. Manipulating other people’s moods

We humans are creatures programmed to respond to the signals that others send us. A common mistake is to think that we manage to hide our feelings from others. Unfortunately, evolution has made sure that all the moods of a person are reflected on his face, serving as a clear signal to the rest. The ability to respond to the feelings of others helps to adapt to a new environment.

Someone had learned to avoid the tribe from the neighboring jungle, because the desire to fight was written on the faces of its representatives. And the release of adrenaline into the blood, caused by the evil expression on the face of the caveman, helped to avoid danger. We have learned to understand when a person is in pain, when he needs help, and this, in turn, has taught us to empathize. The expression of panic on the face of ten people caught in quicksand clearly indicates that a village cannot be built on this place.

In other words, your mood is transmitted to other people.

The way you move, the tone of voice you speak, and the words you choose are indicative of your mood. When you are angry, you have an angry voice and use gooey words. When you feel good, you have a cheerful voice and you just sprinkle jokes and jokes. The same applies to enthusiasm, sadness, falling in love and other mental states.

This is both good and bad at the same time. If you have a bad mood, then you can easily spoil it for everyone around you. Humans are programmed to absorb negativity. But in the same way, you can convey your good mood to others. Knowing that the mood is transmitted to other people, you can easily send positive signals and please others.

A good mood has never bothered anyone.

No. 004. Turn the steak

If you are properly tuned, then you are not afraid of any reaction of the interlocutor. With the right attitude, you can take advantage of both negative and positive situations, and even turn the negative to your advantage. Take negative comments not as defeat, but as useful information. If you were refused, then instead of crawling away with your tail between your legs, smile and say: “This is a phrase! Never heard anything like it before. Can I use it?»

Seeing that his comment did not hurt you in any way, the interlocutor will relax and change his attitude towards you. Often people answer gu.e. only because they are tired of dealing with idiots. They developed this habit in order to immediately reject unwanted interlocutors. How do they know you’re not an idiot at all?

Even the sharpest rejection can be turned into the beginning of a hot romance. So don’t give up right away. It’s best to never give up. Just choose your opponent wisely.

No. 005. «No» does not mean defeat

If an unfamiliar man (or woman) answered you «no», this does not mean that he denies you as a person. There are a thousand reasons to say no, and most of them have nothing to do with you.

Maybe he has a different sexual orientation. He could have just broken up with his girlfriend, or maybe he’s just having a rough day today. The truth is that you have no idea what is going on in his life, and what mood he was in when you finally mustered up the courage and said: “Would you like to have dinner with me?” Taking «no» only at your own expense is stupid and childish. Only complete egoists believe that the whole world revolves around them.

Don’t take «no» to heart. This is the word of a single person, besides, a person you do not know, and you should not let it spoil your mood. He only knows you for three seconds, so his attitude can’t matter. It is the opinion of your family and friends that you can listen to, but not the opinion of strangers.

No. 006. Sometimes you’re just the wrong couch

Sometimes “no” is about you. But even in this case, you should not take “no” to heart. It doesn’t matter if you were rejected after a couple of minutes of flirting in the supermarket or after a year of passionate relationships. It takes experience to find the right partner for life. When choosing a sofa in IKEA, you will not buy the first one that comes across. You will go and look at all the sofas presented in the store. You will try them for softness, sit on them, lie down. Compare prices and looks. Choose the best and only then make a purchasing decision.

Just because you got dumped doesn’t mean the person who did it is a complete idiot. The sofa just didn’t fit in his living room.

No. 007. The most unattractive quality

There is one quality of character that no one can stand, and therefore it should never be shown. As soon as people notice him, they will immediately try to get rid of a new acquaintance, and by any means. Unfortunately, it is very easy to make this mistake. Especially in a situation where we are so eager to please another person. I’m talking about people who «try too hard to please.» Never do this. Do not smile until your cheeks hurt and do not pretend that you are insanely funny. Don’t be overly nice and don’t speak too loudly for everyone to hear.

In other words: don’t play theater.

If every word of a man makes you laugh, he will quickly lose interest in you. Most likely, he will generally decide that you were released for the weekend from a psychiatric hospital. And if you explain everything to her, then it doesn’t matter that you are the champion of the game “What? Where? When?» — your chances of an affair with a beautiful stranger are minimal.

Of course, you need to smile and be a pleasant conversationalist, but at the same time — remain natural. If he (she) did not say anything funny, then you should not laugh. And don’t open every door that gets in your way for a girl. You don’t usually do this.

You must have met people who laughed at your every phrase, or know-it-alls who made you yawn. Remember how quickly they started to get on your nerves? Do you remember how you found them? Probably insecure and ridiculous. And all because they had the wrong attitude. Try not to repeat their mistakes.

No. 008. Posers are not your competitors

So you saw him — the very person who is able to turn your boring everyday life into a holiday. And you want to get his (her) attention in any way. At this moment, you involuntarily begin to perceive all the people around you as competitors. Her friends become your rivals only because she talks to them and not to you. Especially if you have low self-esteem. Then it is easy to believe that everyone wants to divert the object of your attention. Why would she talk to you when she has them?

This is fundamentally the wrong way of thinking. Remember why you are here. Wherever you go, you go there not to chat with this guy (girl), but to play golf with colleagues, drink coffee with a friend or drink a glass of wine and exchange a few phrases with your favorite bartender. That is what you are here for. In addition, you are a sociable person and you enjoy meeting new people. Since you’ve come.

And these assholes in the corner, so busy with self-praise, are simply not able to compete with you. Let them sit there showing off their expensive hairdos in a desperate attempt to get attention. They are so preoccupied with themselves that they do not notice how ridiculous they look from the outside (especially guys who do not take off their dark glasses indoors). Of course, I know one girl who thinks it’s cool, but this does not mean at all that she will go to meet such a guy. The most important thing in a conversation is eye contact. And what kind of eye contact can we talk about if you are wearing dark glasses?

You came here to have fun. And if others came here to show off, then against their background you will look advantageous.

No. 009. The most attractive quality

Being an interesting conversationalist is what is important for successful flirting. If others find you an unusual and pleasant person, then half the work is already done. It remains only to show them your best side. The more pleasant it is to talk to you, the more likely it is that you will be loved. But there is no need to overdo it. You tell others about yourself so that they feel comfortable and interesting with you. In addition, you thereby encourage them to talk about themselves and their lives. I’ll tell you one secret: to make someone think that you are the nicest person in the world, you just need to get him to tell you about himself. After all, by doing so, he will trust you, which means that you have found contact with each other and that everything will go like clockwork.

No. 010. Imagine that you are already lovers

There is an ingenious way to get in the right mood when meeting a charming girl (or a handsome man) who arouses immodest desires in you. Imagine that you are already dating, and in an instant, all your uncertainty — what-will-be-further-and-will-she-(he)-like-me-will evaporate. Imagine how you would behave if this girl were your friend (or this man was your lover). How would you behave with him (her)? Would you keep it natural? Chatted about various nonsense? Had interesting philosophical conversations? Either way, you would be yourself. And of course, you would not want the conversation to turn out to be tense, full of hidden insults or insinuations. To avoid this, create such an atmosphere of relaxed, non-binding, pleasant communication between a man and a woman in love. Take the first step — and you will see how glad she (or he) will be included in this game.

No. 011. Let others do all the work

It is worth becoming a sociable and positive person, as people will immediately reach out to you. They will want to be with you simply because all the fun happens in your company. Even strangers will pay attention to the fact that everyone wants to communicate with you, and also wish to get to know you.

This makes it much easier to meet new people and make friends. There is a mechanism called «social identification». It works like this: if you are someone with whom people are happy to communicate, then you will not only be admired, you will be imitated. It is human nature to look up to those we like. Subconsciously, others will want to be like you, and for this they will have to try to start a relationship with you. It doesn’t matter if it’s friendship or romance. In other words: you don’t have to do anything, others will do all the work for you.

Let me explain in more detail: if I see that others are attracted to you, I will also want to get to know you better. I will try to spend more time with you because I subconsciously hope that others will love me as much as they love you. Our subconscious is no smarter than a football fan. This means that with the right positive attitude, the relationship is already established even before you introduce yourself.

#012 Don’t drink and drive

If you decide to try your luck in a bar, then here’s a little advice for you — do not drink alcohol. Or at least don’t drink a lot. You will immediately notice how much your attractiveness to the opposite sex will increase and how many guys (girls) you will be able to interest. Alcohol, even in small doses, dulls the mind. Drinking with friends is not a problem, but drinking while flirting with a person you like can ruin everything. After just a couple of glasses of wine, you will lose concentration and not catch the signals sent by your partner. I mean the tone of voice or body language, where changes occur without the knowledge of your interlocutor. But it is these signals that will be decisive in the matter of your future novel. Timely noticed negative signals can be turned into positive ones, but if you miss them, then your chances of success are zero. You can calmly say goodbye to the girl and return to a dark corner to gnaw ice from a glass of whiskey.

For some reason, as soon as someone notices a pretty girl (or a hot guy), he or she immediately knocks over a stack “for courage” or so that there is someone to blame the next morning, while forgetting that alcohol affects potency dramatically negatively. Alcohol is not the best way to deal with nervousness. And even a born Casanova can deprive of male power an extra mug of beer in the evening.

No. 013. The fine art of social chatter

Have you ever stood and watched some people at parties flit easily from one guest to another and chat like clockwork, while you yourself are bored in a dark corner? Have you ever thought that if you were even a little like them, then you too could communicate with whomever you wanted, and your life would become easier and more interesting? I will tell you a secret — you do not need to be like others at all. You can achieve what you want without it. We are all different. Some people are born open and sociable, others are reserved and shy. It all depends on how you perceive yourself.

If you have been convincing yourself all your life that you are a shy and constrained person, then you will not be able to change this in one day. It will take you a little more time, but you can! We are all different, so we must start with ourselves. Start with a more constructive wording, convincing yourself that you are not a shy person, but a cautious person. Or: that you can only open up to someone you know well. With this attitude in mind, start working on developing your communication skills. You can continue to be cautious, but gradually open up and communicate more actively with strangers.

Promise yourself that you will work on yourself for at least fifteen minutes every day. Call your friends, chat with the cashier at the supermarket, have lunch with a colleague or classmate. Start attending courses where there are a lot of strangers. The more you communicate, the easier life will be for you. Resilience needs to be developed. And no apologies, like «I don’t have time for this.» Everyone has fifteen minutes. And you should start today.

Chapter two. Appearance

How your appearance reveals who you are and what you want

No. 014. External beauty is not the main thing

Good news for you: You don’t have to be Benicio Del Toro or Heidi Klum to attract the opposite sex. Remember: beauty is not the main thing, there is no comrade for taste and color. Even if magazines and TV go out of their way to convince you that only someone who looks like Brad Pitt has a chance of success, beauty is a personal matter for everyone. Someone likes blondes, someone likes brunettes, it’s a matter of taste. But we all have one thing in common: the one we like seems more beautiful than the others, just like those we appreciate and admire. And vice versa: the one we do not like seems scary, although in reality it is not. And it happens that at the first meeting a person seems completely ordinary, with an unremarkable appearance, and as the acquaintance continues, it becomes more beautiful and sexier. If we like the character of a person, then we, most often, like his appearance.

If you think about it, you will surely remember someone in your environment whom you did not see anything special in before, but whom you then began to meet, or someone whom you would like to date, but could not, because she (or he) already had a partner (or simply because you couldn’t muster up the courage to propose it).

If you are unhappy with your appearance, then you should not dwell on the reflection in the mirror. Since beauty is a matter for the viewer, to become more beautiful, you do not need to dye your hair blonde or shave off your beard, you just need to prove to others that you have a wonderful character and that it is really interesting to communicate with you. This is much more important and much cheaper than an annual gym membership.

No. 015. What your clothes say about you

Are you familiar with the expression «meet by clothes …»? When they see you for the first time, people form an opinion about you based on how you look. Unfortunately, this is a reality that cannot be changed. Only after talking with you for a while, they will be able to appreciate what a wonderful person you are. That’s why clothes are so important. It is an important part of your image, at least at the beginning of your acquaintance. The same goes for not wearing clothes, but we’ll talk about that later.

But this fact is only to your advantage. Why? Because if you consider your appearance to be average (on a scale of beauty, not made up by you), then most likely you will want to gain more attractiveness simply by choosing the right clothes. If you are lucky enough to be born with an innate sense of style, then it doesn’t cost you anything to turn into a movie star. Dress nice! I do not want to sound superficial, but a lot depends on the clothes. We humans are lazy creatures and prefer symbols and codes to interpret reality the way we want. We wear jeans to a nightclub, a tie to work. It’s easier and more understandable for us.

Through your clothes, you tell others who you are, what you believe in, how interested you are in fashion and appearance, and how boldly you are willing to express your sexuality. Therefore, you need to choose the clothes that suit your character well and emphasize your best qualities. Even if you are one of those who do not care what they are wearing, others will immediately notice this and draw the appropriate conclusions. Therefore, be careful that the clothes match the way you want others to see you.

No. 016. You are not like everyone else

Remember that it is always useful to stand out from the crowd, to be different from others. If you’re wearing the same Motley Crue T-shirt as your friends, how are girls supposed to tell you apart? Why would they choose you? Try to avoid «uniforms», even the most informal ones, like jeans and a T-shirt or a suit and tie (of course, if you are a police officer or a nurse and you have a real uniform, you can wear it at least every day, because it’s sexy as hell).

Be yourself. Think about how the people around you dress? Maybe everyone in your office is in suits? Or polo shirts? Each group has its own style of clothing. Students have jeans, bankers have a suit, artists have a blouse. If you dare, break this rule. This will draw attention to you. Lawyer Jens Lapidus always dresses in the same clothes as his colleagues in the legal profession. But besides this, he also writes books, and among writers is considered the most stylish. Remember that an artist in an Armani suit and a banker in a polo shirt are always more interesting than their counterparts in casual clothes.

I am not advocating that you dress up, I am only suggesting that you improve your image with the right clothes that tell others what kind of person you are or how you want to appear. However, it should not contradict your character. If you are wearing a luxurious dress or a trendy jacket, then you should look completely natural in it, as if this is how you dress every day. Otherwise, it will look like you are dressed up in something that does not suit you at all. Break codes to show your unique personality, but don’t wear a straw hat just because you’ve heard people with funny hats are more likely to have sex.

No. 017. Imagine that someone is looking at you now

Make it a rule to always look good, and when you leave the house — look your best. This does not mean that you have to spend two hours in front of the mirror every time you are going to throw out the trash. What I mean is that you need to dress attractively, but also in a way that makes you feel comfortable.

Observe the following rule: be ready at any moment to meet a new acquaintance or an old friend whom you have not seen for many years.

Then you won’t have to complain: “Oh no, it should have happened today, when I didn’t have time to brush my teeth and pulled on sweatpants.” You never know who you will meet today. New meetings happen all the time, and you need to constantly impress people.

By following this rule, you will change not only how others look at you, but also how you look at yourself. The realization that you look good and dressed well has a powerful psychological effect on your mood. When going to a video store, try wearing pretty clothes instead of the usual sweatpants and a stretched t-shirt. How you dress and how you feel affects how you move and how you behave. And this, in turn, affects how others behave with you. I know at least one radio host who is always smartly dressed when on the radio. She does this to put herself in the right mood, although she knows perfectly well that no one will ever see her, because this is radio, not television. But believe me, the way you are dressed can be heard even in your voice. And people notice it.

No. 018. Gift box

Clothes are the same package. The prettier the wrapper, the more valuable the contents seem to be. It’s about the latest Apple computer, it’s about the new perfume from DKNY, and it’s about you. The better dressed you are, the better you’ll be treated by that George Clooney-looking hunk you’ve picked up in a bar. Maybe it’s not fair that appearance decides, but such is life.

#019 Clothes are your own movie trailer

Consider which aspects of your personality need to be emphasized. What is your most attractive quality? What makes you unique, different from others? What do you value yourself for? Having found the correct answer, look into your wardrobe and check if its contents are suitable for this purpose?

Now go to the mirror and look at yourself. Be honest with yourself. I’m not asking you to compare yourself to the magazine ideal. The difference between Barbie, Ken and you is that they are made of plastic. We are all built differently, so the same clothes suit someone and not others. Check if you can create the desired image based on what physical data you have. With all my desire, I could not become a two-meter bodyguard, no matter how much I would like to.

Remember that your clothes should tell people what kind of person you are, or what you want to be. Love yourself and try to always look good.

№ 020. Don’t forget about pockets

You can dress as well as you like, but if women always have a small bag on their shoulder that can hold everything they need (and a wagon and a small cart), then men tend to shove all their wealth into their pockets. Inflated pockets can spoil the most beautiful and fashionable jacket. Check what’s in your wallet. If you went out for a cup of coffee or to visit a new acquaintance who you really like, then you should have the following in your wallet: cash, credit cards and a passport or driver’s license. It’s all. It’s all. C’est tout. Das ist alles.

A chubby purse full of checks, receipts, notes, business cards, discount coupons and loyalty cards looks unpleasant and disfigures pockets, pulling them down. Take only the essentials. Leave everything else at home.

bonus

How many keys are in your key holder (bunch)? Trust me, you don’t need more than three. I’m sure you have many more and don’t even remember what most of them fit into. Throw away unwanted keys and take only the key to the apartment with you. The likelihood that you suddenly need to go to the basement or attic in the middle of a date is zero.

No. 021. Everyone likes secrets

We humans love secrets and mysteries. If a woman wants to drive a man crazy, then she must have a secret. Secrets are easy to create with clothes. Of course, tight jeans with a low cut can also cause increased interest in men, but believe me, only for a short time. Soon a man will see everything you want to show him and lose interest. Why stay close to a woman when five seconds is enough to see everything she has to offer. If you want to interest a man for a long time, remember: a closed dress works much better than the deepest neckline in the world, especially if this dress has an open back. A long skirt with a slit promises a man much more than a denim miniskirt that barely covers the butt.

As I said, tight clothes attract attention (if that’s what you’re aiming for), and especially the attention of horny, emotionally immature youngsters. And if you are interested in real men, then you need to create an atmosphere of mystery. Let the man solve this riddle. Hint to him what it might be about, but keep the secret. I know it sounds vague, but sometimes it’s enough to lift your hair up like you’re hot and bare your neck to awaken the most indiscreet desires in a man. Good luck!

No. 022. Improve your image

Appearance plays a role, especially in the first minutes of acquaintance. But it is your character that matters when it comes to continuing dating. People want to communicate with you because they understand what a wonderful person you are. But before someone realizes this, you need to keep their attention, and appearance helps with this.

Take a look at yourself and fix yourself up. I’m not asking you to go to the gym every day, but try to keep fit. So you will look better, clothes will fit you well. You will have more strength and fewer health problems. Believe me, you will need strength and energy in flirting.

What condition is your hair in? Your hairstyle can say a lot about you. Don’t forget to cut your hair to show off your character. By not caring about your hair, you are telling others that you don’t care about how you look. And that’s a damn asexual trait.

Do your glasses paint or disfigure your face? Maybe it’s better to change them to lenses?

Now let’s move on to nails and skin. Even men can benefit from facial cleansing and a good cream. Buy a special skin care kit at home or go to a salon.

This is not about spending all the money on appearance, but about looking decent.

Chapter three. Attraction first, relationships later

How to interest the opposite sex?

No. 023. Everything you want is here

You have no idea where to go to meet someone? Such a super place where everyone who meets, starts dating and having sex, does not exist. But there are many different places where you can meet interesting people. You just need to tune into it.

What are these places? Hotel Lobby, Library, Bookstore, Café, Lecture Hall, Exhibition, Courses (Women to look for in yoga and painting classes, and men in computer courses and economics), art gallery, dance hall, museum, bar, grocery store , furniture and computer stores. You can also look through the newspapers for interesting events (such as dachshund jumping competitions or historical walks around the city in search of ghosts), where you can not only meet new people, but also see a lot of interesting things.

New people are everywhere. All you need is not to sit at home.

No. 024. If the mountain does not go to Mohammed…

If for some reason you think that the places listed in the previous list are not enough for you, or you live in a city where there is no library, no patisserie, or even a bar for local drunks, then you have no other choice, other than inviting people to your home.

Why not make it a rule to host dinners at home? And if your apartment is too small, then you can organize an outdoor event — a picnic, volleyball, kite flying, ice skating (at least once a month). Invite your friends at first, but ask them to bring someone else, whether they are familiar or not. And next time, ask new acquaintances to bring a friend with them. Etc. You won’t have time to blink an eye, as you will have a whole bunch of new interesting friends, the existence of which you did not even suspect. And the likelihood that there will be someone among them who will make your heart beat faster will increase significantly.

No. 025. Get noticed

As soon as you see a new person, you immediately form an opinion about him. This happens all the time. For example, you, sitting in the cinema, smelled sweat. Looking around, you immediately find someone who, in your opinion, can sweat like that. In the same way, you form an opinion about all those with whom you stand at the bus stop in the morning, about the woman behind the counter of the perfume store that you see out of the corner of your eye during lunch. It takes a fraction of a second to form this opinion, and often it happens subconsciously, just like other people do with you.

So help them form a clear and positive opinion of themselves. If you are dining with friends at a cafe, choose a table that will be visible to everyone. And when you start chatting with pretty girls at the next table, they will have time to develop a positive opinion about you, and it will be much easier for you to make an acquaintance than if you suddenly appeared in front of their table and were forced to start from scratch.

No. 026. You will always be compared

When we form an opinion about something or someone, we always do it according to the principle of contrast. We can only know if an apple is tasty or not by comparing it with another apple. It’s the same with people. Of course, there are features that we always find attractive. But how much you are interested in this person, you can only find out by consciously comparing him with someone, for example, with the guy with whom you just chatted, or with the one who is now standing in the corner.

As soon as you show interest in someone, they immediately begin to compare you with those who also showed interest in this person (in the worst case, with his ex-boyfriends / girlfriends).

Of course, you must win in the comparison process and do it quickly. Try to become as attractive as possible, show your best qualities, make it clear that you are not like everyone else. Establish an emotional connection with the interlocutor. He (or she) needs to understand that you are better, that you are special, that you are worth the time and effort. If you do not win this competition, then the other person will have no reason to choose you.

No. 027. Mistakes of other people

If other people are trying to approach the object of your passion, pay attention to how they do it. It is with them that you will be compared. Right now she is chatting with a shabby macho man in a grandfather’s sweater, who promises to teach her the correct Italian pronunciation. Comparison with him in any case will be in your favor. So, noticing that the macho was rejected, do everything so that when communicating with the girl you do not look like him.

If you noticed that the guy you like showed no interest in an energetic person in a short top with rhinestones, then you can conclude that the disco style is not to his taste, you need to choose a different strategy. Having learned everything you need, you can safely sit next to him and start a conversation about rock music.

A smart person learns from the mistakes of others and never repeats them.

No. 028. You are like your friends

A person makes his first impression of you not only on the basis of what you are, he takes into account what kind of friends you have. It’s unfair, but it’s a fact and nothing can be done about it. You will be judged by the kind of friends you have.

If your company is full of bores who discuss the difference between 1080 and 720-inch LCD screens during lunch, or loud girls pouring dozens of Cosmopolitan glasses into themselves and singing karaoke, then you have no chance of flirting. It doesn’t matter if you’re different from them. Those who do not know you will still decide that you are the same as those with whom you communicate. At the very least, you’ll have to prove otherwise.

The hard truth is that some friends increase your chances of a good impression, while others decrease it. You know very well what I’m talking about.

Of course, you don’t need to revisit your surroundings just to make a good impression on strangers. But it’s still useful to be aware of the impression you and your friends make on other people and how much this affects your chances of starting a new romance. Look carefully at your friends. If there are funny and interesting people in your environment, then you will be perceived as such. If you spend the whole evening discussing the prefix «Nintendo», then do not be surprised that you were mistaken for a nerd. And if this picture does not suit you, then you will have to figure out how to quickly and effectively get others to change their minds about you.