Contents
Religion in family life
“The daddy is a believer and I am an atheist. Our baby will be baptized but he will choose himself to believe or not, when he will be old enough to understand on his own and to gather all the information he wants to form an opinion. No one will force him to adopt this or that belief. It’s a personal thing, ”explains a mother on social networks. Very often, parents of mixed religion explain that their child will be able to choose his religion later. Not so obvious, according to Isabelle Levy, specialist in issues of religious diversity in the couple. For her : ” When the child is born, the couple must ask themselves how to bring them up in religion or not. What objects of worship will be exhibited at home, what festivals will we follow? Often the choice of the first name is decisive. As is the question of baptism at the birth of the child. One mom considers it best to wait: “I find it silly to baptize them baby. We didn’t ask them anything. I am a believer but I am not part of a particular religion. I will tell her the important biblical stories and the main lines of the great religions, for her culture, not especially for her to believe in them ”. So how do you talk to your children about religion? Believers or not, mixed religious couples, parents often wonder about the role of religion for their child.
Monotheistic and polytheistic religions
In monotheistic religions (one God), one becomes a Christian through baptism. One is Jewish by birth on condition that the mother is Jewish. You are a Muslim if you are born of a Muslim father. “If the mother is Muslim and the father Jewish, then the child is nothing at all from a religious point of view” specifies Isabelle Lévy. In the polytheistic religion (several Gods) like Hinduism, the social and religious aspects of existence are linked. Society is structured by castes, a hierarchical system of social and religious stratification, which corresponds to the beliefs and worship practices of the individual. The birth of each child and the different stages of its life (student, head of family, retiree, etc.) determine its mode of existence. Most homes have a place of worship: family members provide it with food, flowers, incense, candles. The most famous gods and goddesses, such as Krishna, Shiva and Durga, are venerated, but also gods known for their particular functions (the Goddess of Smallpox, for example) or who exercise their action, their protection only in a limited region. The child grows at the very heart of the religious. In mixed families, it’s more complicated than it looks.
Growing up between two religions
Religious crossbreeding is often considered a cultural richness. To have a father and a mother of different religion would be a guarantee of openness. Sometimes it can be much more complex. A mother explains to us: “I am Jewish and the father is Christian. We told ourselves during pregnancy that if it was a boy, he would be circumcised AND baptized. Growing up, we would talk to him as much about the two religions, it was up to him to make his choice later ”. According to Isabelle Levy “when the parents are of two different religions, the ideal would be for one to step aside for the other. A single religion should be taught to the child so that he has solid reference points without ambivalence. Otherwise why baptize a child if after there is no religious follow-up during early childhood in catechism or Koranic school? “. For the specialist, in mixed religious couples, the child should not be left with the weight of choosing between a father of one religion and a mother of another. “A couple had divided the fridge into several compartments to classify the halal foods of the mother, who was Muslim, and those of the father, who was Catholic. When the child wanted sausage, he would dig at random from the fridge, but had remarks from either parent to eat the “right” sausage, but which one is it? »Explains Isabelle Levy. She doesn’t think it’s a good thing to let the child believe that he will choose later. On the contrary, “In adolescence, the child can become radicalized quite quickly because he suddenly discovers a religion. This may be the case if there was no support and progressive learning in childhood necessary to properly integrate and understand religion, ”adds Isabelle Levy.
The role of religion for the child
Isabelle Levy thinks that in atheistic families, there can be a lack for the child. If the parents choose to raise their child without religion, he will be confronted with it at school, with his friends, who will be of such and such an obedience. ” The child in reality is not free to choose a religion since he does not know what it is. “Indeed, for her, religion has a role of” morality, of course of action. We follow rules, prohibitions, daily life is structured around religion ”. This is the case of Sophie, a mother whose husband is of the same religious denomination: “I am raising my sons in the Jewish religion. We pass on traditional Judaism to our children, along with my husband. I tell my children about the history of our family and the Jewish people. On Friday evenings, sometimes we try to do kiddush (shabbat prayer) when we have dinner at my sister’s house. And I want my boys to do their bar mitzah (communion). We have plenty of books. I recently explained to my son also why his “penis” was different from that of his friends. I did not want it to be the others who one day point out this difference. I learned a lot about religion when I was little with the Jewish summer camps my parents sent me to. I intend to do the same with my children ”.
The transmission of religion by grandparents
Grandparents have an important role in transmitting cultural and religious practices to their grandchildren in the family. Isabelle Levy explains to us that she had the poignant testimony of grandparents who were sad not to be able to transmit their habits to the little boys of their daughter, married with a Muslim husband. “The grandmother was Catholic, she couldn’t feed the children quiche Lorraine, for example, because of the bacon. Taking them to church on Sundays, as she used to do, was outlawed, everything was difficult. “Filiation does not happen, analyzes the author. Learning about religion goes through a daily life between grandparents, in-laws, parents and children, at mealtime for example and the sharing of certain traditional dishes, holidays in the country of origin to reunite with the family, the celebration of religious holidays. Often, it is the in-laws of one of the parents that prompts them to choose a religion for the children. If two religions come together, it will be much more complicated. Toddlers may feel tightness. For Isabelle Levy, “children crystallize the religious differences of parents. Prayers, food, feasts, circumcision, communion, etc… everything will be a pretext to create a conflict in a mixed religious couple ”.