How to become a parent to yourself and why learn this already at the age of 11, says children’s analyst Anna Skavitina.
“There was a culinary competition at school. My mother died a long time ago, my grandmother is sick, and my father bought ready-made cookies. The teacher called dad to school, and he says – nonsense, forget it … “
Anton, 11 years old
Anna Skavitina, children’s analyst
“Anton, I understand that you – your whole family – are very sad for your mother. Perhaps you think that your teacher has some unpleasant thoughts about you or about your family, as if you are to blame for something. But most likely, when she, in your words, “looks very closely” at you, she thinks about how you cope with life without a mother there, can she somehow take care of you too and can you accept this care . And he doesn’t know the answer. He looks – and does not dare to talk to you, because he is worried that he will touch your sad feelings. Dad tried to help you the best he could. But neither he nor the teacher, of course, can replace your mother. Homemade cookies seem to have become for you a symbol of your mother’s care. Dear Anton, you know there are many different ways to remember your mother. One of them – try to slowly become a mother to yourself. Learn to take care of yourself. Because in a few years you will very likely have to live without relatives – on your own. And you have to learn in advance what parents usually do. The fact that you are so worried about the store-bought cookie story shows that you are actually ready to change something in your life. For example, rely more on yourself and your strengths, believe that you can do more than it seems to adults. I hope everything works out for you.”