Pregnant at 48, she talks about her incredible motherhood

Testimonial: her marathon to become a mother

You had your children very late. Why did you wait so long?

Marianne Groves: I am part of a generation that was in no hurry. When I was younger, I didn’t want to have children to have children and then the time went by, I met the man of my life and it turned out that he didn’t want to be a dad. He couldn’t imagine it, but he respected my desire for a child. I then told myself that the solution for me was adoption and I spent several years trying to adopt a child in Mali. In vain.

I put a cross on motherhood until I learned one day that I could give birth, at my age, safely, but we had to go to Spain because in France, this type of assisted reproduction was illegal. . Discovering this possibility opened an incredible door for me, I felt like I was catching up with my life. I decided to embark on this adventure, on my own, because I didn’t want to impose anything on my companion.

Did the fact that it is an illegal step in France weigh in your decision?

I thought about it for a long time before taking this step, but I didn’t feel like I had to get around the law, as the process is perfectly legal in Spain and that in France, no law prevents a woman from being pregnant … My hesitations mainly concerned the well-being of my children, and when I was convinced that I would be able to provide them with what they needed, I I went to Spain to do this medical procedure.

How did this pregnancy go?

It all started in Barcelona, ​​I went to a large medical center to perform in vitro fertilization with egg and sperm donation. At 48, I didn’t want to take the risk of using my own eggs and having a child with a problem. It’s impressive to arrive in this kind of clinic, you have to have strong backs, be sure of your project because there is no room for emotion. Relationships are totally dehumanized but maybe it’s better that way. My luck is that I got pregnant with twins on the first try.

From that moment on, I had only one obsession: to hold out as long as possible. For many years, I had convinced myself that I could never have children, I had wiped this possibility off my mind map. So this pregnancy was simply unexpected and I experienced it as a magical parenthesis and at the same time completely natural. I certainly had some complications but nothing serious, the delivery, on the other hand, was a little more chaotic.

Shortly before birth, your partner finally decides to recognize the twins …

After the birth of the children, I believe it is truly the happiest day of my life. Ted took me to town hall and recognized the twins by signing an early recognition deed. This legal bond establishes filiation with the child in an irrevocable manner.. It was important for him to do this act before birth, a way of saying: “ on principle, I will be your father no matter what ».

I am extremely happy because I wanted my children to have a daddy and they have a wonderful one. When I see how much our sons are obvious to us today, I tell myself that things should be like this. I recently tried to project myself as a mom at 30 or 35 and considering who I was at the time, I can’t have any regrets. Now, I must stay alive, as long as possible, it is my only anxiety.

Do you already think today what you will say to your children if one day they ask you about their origin?

My biological father almost abandoned me, the man who raised me, I call him dad, while civilly we are nothing to each other. I know perfectly well that you can choose your family and be very happy and, conversely, be very unhappy in your blood family. As for the “origins” of my children, they are quite clear in spite of everything: I was the one who gave birth to them, and it was their father who helped them to be born in the maternity hospital.

There will indeed be an unknown on their exact genetic heritage. But unless you make a DNA card, who can say he knows his exact genetic makeup? Do we know his genealogy more than two or three generations ago, in general? In addition, the currently dazzling research in epigenetics seems to prove that DNA itself constitutes altogether only 15% of what a human being really is.

I hope to succeed in teaching my children to accept this part of the unknown that they carry, as we all carry … The difference is that when you are a “biological” child, you rarely have to ask yourself these questions. We will therefore have to carry out with them, in due course, a rich, modern reflection, and no doubt a little painful, of course. But becoming a conscious adult is not a thornless journey for anyone. With their dad, we will do everything in our power so that they know how to make this small difference, a real force of life and intelligence.

Is this book also a way to leave a mark on them?

I wrote this book so that my sons will know, and never have to doubt that they are, and have always been loved, with boundless and unconditional love, by those who have made the choice to become their parents. And this, from their very first day of embryo existence, and even before. We love them and respect them for what they are, namely our children, but also, and above all, two very distinct people, two human beings in their own right that we marvel a little more every day at seeing them evolve. Knowing that you are loved, for a child, is essential to succeed in building an adult emotional balance.