It’s no secret that the pursuit of vivid emotions often turns into a feeling of emptiness. Why is this happening, and most importantly — what to do about it?
— We miss positive emotions! a judicious XNUMX-year-old told me, thinking about why there are so many different kinds of emotional disorders today.
– And what to do?
— We need more positive emotions! came the logical answer.
Many try to realize this idea, but for some reason they fail to become happier. A short-term surge is replaced by a decline. And a feeling of emptiness.
It is familiar to many: the emptiness inside becomes tangible, for example, after a noisy party where there was a lot of fun, but as soon as the voices are silent, it feels like longing in the soul … Playing computer games for a long time, you get a lot of pleasure, but when you get out of the virtual world, from pleasure there is no trace — only fatigue.
What advice do we hear when trying to fill ourselves with positive emotions? Meet friends, take up a hobby, travel, go in for sports, get out into nature… But often these seemingly well-known methods are not encouraging. Why?
Trying to fill yourself with emotions means lighting as many lights as possible instead of seeing what they signal.
The mistake is that emotions by themselves cannot fulfill us. Emotions are a kind of signals, light bulbs on the dashboard. Trying to fill yourself with emotions means lighting as many light bulbs as possible, instead of going and looking — what do they signal?
We often confuse two very different states: pleasure and satisfaction. Satiety (physical or emotional) is associated with satisfaction. And pleasure gives the taste of life, but does not saturate …
Satisfaction comes when I realize what is valuable and important to me. Traveling can be a wonderful experience when I realize my dream, and not act on the principle of “let’s go somewhere, I’m tired of the routine”. Meeting friends fills me up when I want to see exactly these people, and not just «have fun.» For someone who loves to grow crops, a day at the dacha is a satisfying experience, but for someone driven there by force, longing and sadness.
Emotions give energy, but this energy can be splashed, or it can be directed to what saturates me. So instead of asking, “Where can I find positive emotions,” it’s better to ask, “What fills me?” What is valuable to me, what actions will give me the feeling that my life is moving in the direction I want, and not rushing (or dragging) in an incomprehensible direction.
Happiness cannot be the goal of lifeViktor Frankl said. Happiness is a by-product of realizing our values (or the feeling of moving towards realizing them). And positive emotions then are the cherry on the cake. But not the cake itself.