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Sabrina’s testimony, mom of Eliott, 9: “My child was bullied at school. “
“I think our kids get heckled every day by two boys in their class. And according to my son, Eliot is their scapegoat. Sometimes he even has to stay locked in the toilet during recess or he gets hit! ” When the mother of a friend of Eliot called me to tell me that my 9 year old son was being harassed, I couldn’t believe it. How could I, his mother, and moreover a teacher, have missed that? I am attentive and always ready to listen to my children who share their stories, their joys, their sorrows. “It’s not true, mom. We’re friends, we have fun and sometimes we argue, that’s all. ” Eliot downplayed, if not hushed up the affair.
Victim of school bullying
At that time, we were separating with his dad, and my son had every reason to be upset. So, when he used the pretext of a headache or a stomach ache to avoid school, I told myself that he was going through a difficult period… One day, the mother of the other harassed little boy made an appointment with the director of school. His solution to the problem was to summon the children and tell them to work out their playground problems among themselves. The headmistress had difficulty seeing it clearly. My son kept going back over his statements, accusing the children while making excuses for them; defending them ultimately. We didn’t measure the mental hold these two boys had on Eliot.
One evening, I learned that one of the stalkers had chased my son into the yard, a box cutter in his hand, threatening to cut his throat. It had to come to this for me to wake up and go for a complaint. Eliot had to change schools. I met the manager who just told me that a waiver request was going to be complicated. I saw the two children every morning but, as I had been taught in bullying training, I did not speak to them so as not to make matters worse. I understood that it was just two poor kids in social and academic difficulty. As a teacher, I know that these are endearing profiles of children that we want to help, but suddenly no one had noticed the repercussions on my son. I then contacted the inspector of the Academy, who assured me that she would find a place in a new establishment. The next day, he changed schools. Crying and a lot of anger followed. Eliot felt injustice. “They are the bad guys, why am I the one who has to go?” Then he was afraid of being harassed again. Afraid of being alone. For him, these two boys had been friends before he understood that this balance of power was not friendship. It was necessary to explain to him that those who abuse others, who want to dominate and humiliate them, are not friends, because a friend brings well-being.
Comrades aggressors
Today Eliot is happy to go to school. He is calm and relaxed. I feel tremendous guilt, because I realize afterwards that he was unusually angry at this time. I also remembered that he would come home sometimes with bruises on his body. He said a friend had pushed him without doing it on purpose. How could I not see, not understand earlier? We know that it exists and we are being hammered with campaigns on harassment. Like any mom, I asked her if we bothered her at school, but my son didn’t speak. In elementary school, they are too small to separate things, and for them, it’s hard to distinguish the difference between a “you’re more my boyfriend, I play more with you” and little bands that put pressure on some children in a violent manner. “
Interview by Dorothée Saada
The testimony of Caroline, mother of Mélina, 6 years old, and Emy, 7 months: “I did not succeed in protecting my daughter! “
“My eldest daughter is 6 years old, she had just returned to first grade and was more than delighted, especially since, since last year, she has been taking a bus to go to school. Since kindergarten, she has always had a strong character. So much so that in a small section, we had some remarks from the teacher. She pushed, hit her comrades. Fortunately, this bad passage quickly passed. We always settled everything in the dialogue with her, but shortly after the start of the school year, Mélina started to cover her ears every time we spoke to her about something that she did not like. Ditto when we told him “no”, whereas, until then, we had always managed to make him listen to reason calmly. There, I did not recognize her. I thought it was due to all the upheavals of this year, to the birth of her little sister, but no… One evening, she said to me: “You know mom, there are boys who have me. annoy on the bus. ” I fell from the clouds. I discovered that four boys on the bus, including a 10-year-old, were saying things to her like: “You look like a slut”, “banana head”, etc. I think that day they must have gone too far, that’s why she ended up telling me about it.
Obviously, it had been going on for two or three weeks. She who has such a strong character, I didn’t think she could be bothered. I was devastated. I had failed to protect my daughter and, above all, I was sad that it had taken so long to tell me about it. I was angry that no one had noticed anything, like the escort or the bus driver, who must have heard these insults. To confirm this story, I called a friend whose daughter also takes the bus. The little one confirmed the insults and harassment.
My daughter was insulted and harassed
We took matters into our own hands, and the following Monday, we went to the bus stop where each child concerned was riding and we told the parents everything. A couple of parents were a little on the defensive when they saw my husband arrive and started by saying that they didn’t know. Their children confirmed what was going on on the bus and were scolded. We also spoke to the driver and the escort. Since then, everything is back to normal. My daughter has changed her behavior. She no longer covers her ears when she doesn’t want to hear something. I hope this experience has given him confidence in us. And that the day something else happens again, she will have the courage to tell us again. When we see the much worse harassment that some children can undergo, sometimes for years, without daring to talk about it, we say to ourselves that we were really lucky. “
Interview by Estelle Cintas
The testimony of Nathalie, mother of Maelya, 7 years old: “How can children be so mean? “
During the holidays following the last year of kindergarten, our 5 and a half year old daughter began to eat less. One day she said to us: “I must not eat too much, otherwise I will get fat.” Alerted, we asked her why she said that. Knowing that I am overweight, we said to ourselves that maybe it came from there… At the time, she did not add anything. Then she told us that a girl at school kept telling her she was fat. Since we were in the middle of summer vacation, there was nothing we could do. But a few days after returning to first grade, while I was chatting with a mother, her daughter looked at mine and exclaimed: “Ah bah, it’s okay, she’s not fat!” As I asked her for an explanation, she confirmed to me that some girls in the class kept saying she was fat. I was in a rage. The mistake I made was to speak directly to the mom and explain to her that her daughter had made hurtful comments. The latter, instead of taking her daughter aside to talk about it and see what had happened, questioned her in front of me making her uncomfortable. Obviously, the little one denied everything. The mother stepped in and it pissed me off. Afterwards, this little one and other children in the class continued. Every day, it was different: they blocked my daughter in a corner of the yard, stole her clothes, stepped on her feet, etc. It was a very complicated time for Maelya. So much so that she didn’t want to go to school anymore and cried as soon as she got home. I found myself in the management office several times.
Support from an association that fights against bullying at school
Each time, I was told: “These are children’s stories.” The little girl’s mother even went so far as to accuse me of bullying, even though I never saw her daughter! As the school had decided to do nothing, I called an association which deals with school bullying and a person from the rectorate contacted us. We then made an appointment with the management and the mistress and told them that if nothing happened, we would file a complaint against the management. As a result of this interview, the situation improved a little. I think there has been more monitoring by teachers and therefore fewer attacks. But given the proportions that it had taken, we had decided to change schools… It was good, because we had to move to a new house. We simply registered our daughter earlier. Since then, I have seen a radical change in my child. Maelya works better, she is happy, she no longer cries. She made new friends and I found the cheerful and carefree little girl I knew. “
Interview by Estelle Cintas