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In the initial period of a romantic relationship, many people have a question: when is it time to openly confess your love to your partner (of course, if you really feel this love). Have you chosen the right moment? Where and how best to pronounce the cherished words? What to do if the partner does not reciprocate? There are more questions than answers. Let’s try to figure it out.
Yes, it is very difficult to confess your feelings for the first time. How do you know when the time has come and are you ready? Here’s what relationship experts advise.
Better to wait at least three months
Of course, every relationship is unique. If after the second date you feel that you fell in love with this person and that your heart will not stand if you do not immediately tell him about it, everything is clear, just do it.
But more often than not, even if it seems to you that this is true love, it is better to wait. “Love develops over time, usually it takes about three months,” explains Washington DC psychotherapist Rebeca Montgomery. Until this time, your feelings are more like falling in love, idealization, or a “spark” that slipped between you.
The fact is that romantic love relies heavily on shared experiences. “How well do you know this person? It is easy to fall in love when everything is going smoothly and you are happy and having fun together, but will such love withstand periods of stress, constant being together, traveling together, illness and life’s difficulties?
Wait until you start talking and thinking “we” instead of “I”
So, your relationship survived the first difficult periods and proved its strength. “If you have begun to rebuild your life around your partner and are ready to fully open up to him, to share your deepest fears, needs and desires, most likely this is love. If you constantly think about him and appreciate him for who he is, with all the advantages and disadvantages, most likely it is love,” says Marisa T. Cohen, interpersonal relationship specialist and author of From the First Kiss and Forever.
Wait until you don’t care what your partner says
This is the most important tip. “To understand if you are ready to confess your love, ask yourself: has the moment come when you just want to share feelings and you don’t care what your partner says when you are no longer afraid that he might not reciprocate?” suggests Rebeca Montgomery.
“If you do not hear the three cherished words in response, do not panic. It will be even better if you reassure your partner that you do not expect an immediate response from him. You cannot expect two different people to have the same feelings at the same time,” she emphasizes. It often happens that one partner is ready for a new stage in the relationship (first kiss, first sex, moving), and the second is not yet.
Don’t worry if your partner isn’t ready to reciprocate immediately.
It is also worth remembering that our understanding of love can change over time, even within a relationship with one person. “It is known that strong love (the period when you are completely absorbed in thoughts about your loved one, look at the world through rose-colored glasses, do not notice alarming signals) can last up to two years. This does not mean that you have to wait two years before declaring your love, but the words “I love you” do not always mean the same thing and their meaning can change over time, ”explains Montgomery.
Don’t worry if your partner isn’t ready to reciprocate immediately. If he has not said unequivocally that he does not and never will have similar feelings for you, just remember that it may take him time to decide to utter three cherished words. But when you finally hear an honest and sincere “I love you”, you will immediately understand that the wait was worth it.