“I am a loser”, “I never have a normal relationship”, “I will lose again”. Even self-confident people, no, no, yes, and catch themselves on such thoughts. How to quickly and effectively challenge your own ideas about yourself? Psychotherapist Robert Leahy offers a simple yet powerful tool.
What can help you cope with painful emotions and achieve your goals? What about exploring personal patterns of thought? All this is taught by a new monograph by a psychotherapist, head of the American Institute of Cognitive Therapy Robert Leahy. The book «Techniques of Cognitive Psychotherapy» is intended for psychologists and students of psychological universities and their practical work with clients, but non-specialists can also use something. For example, the technique, which the author called «180 Degree Turn — Confirmation of the Negative», is presented in the publication as a homework assignment for the client.
It is extremely difficult for us to admit our own imperfection, we concentrate, “hang” on our own mistakes, making large-scale conclusions about ourselves from them. But each of us definitely has flaws.
“We all have behaviors or qualities that we view as negative. Such is human nature. Among our acquaintances there is not a single ideal person, so striving for perfection is simply unrealistic, the psychotherapist anticipates his task. — Let’s see what you criticize yourself for, what you don’t like about yourself. Think of negative traits. And then imagine what it would be like if you perceived them as what you are entitled to. You could treat it like a part of yourself — an imperfect person whose life is full of ups and downs.
Treat this technique not as a weapon of self-criticism, but as a tool for recognition, empathy and self-understanding.
Leahy then invites the reader to imagine that he does have some negative quality. For example, that he is a loser, an outsider, crazy, ugly. Let’s say you imagine that sometimes you are a boring conversationalist. Instead of fighting it, why not accept it? “Yes, I can be boring for others, but there are many interesting things in my life.”
To practice this, use the table, which the author called this: «How would I cope if it turned out that I really have negative qualities.»
In the left column, write down what you think about your characteristic qualities and behaviors. In the middle column, note if there is any truth in these thoughts. In the right column, list the reasons why these qualities and behaviors are still not a serious problem for you — after all, you have many other qualities and can engage in various activities.
You may encounter difficulties during the filling process. Some people think that acknowledging our own negative qualities is tantamount to self-criticism, and the completed table will be a clear confirmation that we think of ourselves in a negative way. But then it is worth remembering that we are imperfect and everyone has negative traits.
And one more thing: treat this technique not as a weapon of self-criticism, but as a tool for recognition, empathy and self-understanding. After all, when we love a child, we recognize and accept its shortcomings. Let us, at least for a while, become such a child for ourselves. It’s time to take care of yourself.
Source: Robert Leahy «Techniques of Cognitive Psychotherapy» (Peter, 2020).