Natasha St-Pier: “I had a mission, to save the life of my sick child. “

How’s your little boy?

“Bixente is now a year and a half old, he is considered out of danger, that is to say that the operation he underwent at 4 months to close the septum (a membrane that separates two chambers of the heart) has succeeded. Like all people who have had heart disease, he must have a check-up once a year in a specialized center. My son was born with a tetralogy of Fallot. Heart defects affect one in 100 children. Fortunately for him, the disease was discovered in utero, he was able to undergo the operation very quickly and has been recovering very well since. “

In the book, you give yourself in a very sincere way: you tell about your doubts about motherhood, your difficulties during pregnancy, what caused the announcement of the disease. Why did you choose not to sweeten anything?

“This book, I did not write it for myself. At the time, I talked a lot about Bixente on social media at almost every stage of his illness. I didn’t feel the need to talk about it anymore. I wrote this book for other mothers who might be dealing with the disease. So that they can identify themselves. For me, it was a way to thank life. To salute the incredible luck we had. When you become a mom for the first time, you can chat with your friends, your family. But when you become the mother of a child who has a rare disease, you cannot talk about it, because nobody around you can understand. With this book, we can put ourselves in this mother’s shoes, and understand what she is going through. “

When you found out about her illness, the doctor doing the ultrasound had a pretty amazing sentence. Can you tell us about this moment?

“It was terrible, it hit me like a cleaver. At 5 months of pregnancy, the sonographer told us that he could not see the heart well. He had sent us to a colleague cardiologist. I had postponed this moment, because it fell during the holidays. So, I did it very late, almost 7 months pregnant. While I was getting dressed, the doctor cried out, “We’re going to save this baby!” “. He didn’t say, “Your baby has a problem,” right away there was a note of hope. He gave us the first elements on the disease… but at that moment I was in the fog, completely stunned by this terrible news. “

At the same time, you say that it is at this moment, at the time of the announcement of her illness, that you really “felt like a mother”.

“Yes, it’s true, I was not completely fulfilled to be pregnant! The pregnancy was pretty much hell. Until then, I was thinking about myself. To my career, to the fact that I got pregnant without really looking for it, at the end of my freedom. It was all swept away. It’s strange, but with the announcement of his illness, it created a bond between us. At the same time, I didn’t feel ready to have a disabled child. I’m not saying that you always have to have an abortion, far from it. But I told myself that I wouldn’t have the courage to raise a disabled child. We waited for the results of the amniocentesis, and I was really prepared not to keep the baby. I wanted to start mourning so as not to collapse at the time of the announcement. It’s my nature: I anticipate a lot and I always tend to prepare for the worst. My husband is the opposite: he focuses on the best. Before the amniocentesis, it is also the moment when we chose his name, Bixente, it is “the one who conquers”: we wanted to give him strength! “

When you found out that your child would not be disabled, you said “This was the first good news since I heard that I was pregnant”.

“Yeah, I thought I had to fight for him. I had to switch to warrior mode. There is an expression that says: “When we give birth to a child, we give birth to two people: a child… and a mother”. We experience it instantly when we become the mother of a sick child: we have only one mission, to save it. The delivery was long, the epidural had only taken on one side. But the anesthesia, even partial, allowed me to let go: in one hour, I went from 2 to 10 cm of dilation. Right after the birth, I fought to breastfeed her. I wanted to give him the best. I continued well after the operation, until she was 10 months old. “

Released from the hospital, while waiting for the operation, you were advised not to let your baby cry, how did you experience this period?

” It was horrible ! It was explained to me that if Bixente cried too much, as his blood was poor in oxygen, he could have heart failure, that it was a life-threatening emergency. Suddenly, I was very anxious and stressed as soon as he cried. And the worst part is that he had colic! I remember spending hours on the maternity ball, hopping and rocking it up and down. It was the only way to calm him down. In fact, the only time I breathed a little was when her dad bathed her. “

Part of the profits from the sale of the book will be donated to the Petit Cœur de Beurre association, what are the association’s goals?

“Petit Cœur de Beurre was created by parents. She raises funds on the one hand to help research on heart disease, and on the other to help with all kinds of things that are not purely medical: we fund yoga classes for parents, we helped renovating the nurses’ rest room, we funded a 3D printer so that surgeons could print sick hearts before operations… ”

Is Bixente a good sleeping baby now?

“No, like most babies in hospital, he has abandonment anxiety and still wakes up several times a night. As I say in the book: when I hear mothers say that their child sleeps 14 hours a night, it’s simple, I want to hit them! At home, I solved part of the problem by buying him a 140 cm bed, at 39 euros at Ikea, which I installed in his room. I just sawed off the legs so it wasn’t too high and installed bolsters so it wouldn’t fall. At night, we join him, my husband or I, to reassure him while he goes back to sleep. It saved my sanity! “

You have recorded an album *, “L’Alphabet des Animaux”. Why children’s songs?

“With Bixente, since its birth, we’ve listened to a lot of music. He likes all musical styles and not necessarily children’s things. It gave me the idea to make an album for children, but not infantile with horrible xylophones and nasal voices. There are real orchestrations, beautiful instruments… I also thought of the parents who listen to it 26 times a day! It has to be fun for everyone! “

*« My little heart of butter ”, Natasha St-Pier, ed. Michel Lafon. Released May 24, 2017

** release planned for October 2017