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Sometimes you want to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of your home and devote time only to yourself, but loved ones require constant attention. Why this happens and how to carve out personal time without infringing on the interests of each other, says Chinese medicine specialist Anna Vladimirova.
To meet up with friends, go to a dance class, or just go out alone, do you need to either find a good reason, or endure such sad looks that you would rather stay at home? “They want all their free time to be with me,” it would seem, what could be better? The people you love need you! But each of us needs personal space and some time for ourselves.
I teach women’s Taoist practices. The girls are looking forward to new seminars. But often at home they react disapprovingly to their hobby: “it would be better if you stayed with us …” It is difficult to make a decision: on the one hand, interesting activities, on the other, a family that needs you. I began to look for the cause of this imbalance: for classes, you need only 2-3 hours in the evening. The rest of the day the mother is at home (but they miss and do not let even those who spend the whole day in the family), tomorrow — also with you. And the day after tomorrow. Empirically, we found the «root of evil.» The situation in which the whole family is so zealous about maternal affairs signals that the family misses her. They lack her attention, tenderness, energy.
I will tell you about the causes of this energy crisis and how to eliminate it. Could this be your situation as well?
Causes of the energy crisis
Lack of energy
We all live in a state of «energy crisis»: food quality, ecology, lack of sleep, not to mention stress. During the holidays, when strength arrives, we want to play with the child, and the relationship with the husband becomes brighter. If there is no strength, then no matter how much time a woman spends with her family, she will not be enough for them — because she is not able to share warmth and joy. And the family will wait and ask: give the one with which it is interesting. And mothers, in order to gain strength, should go for a massage or do yoga — but you can’t, because the family does not let you. Vicious circle!
incomplete attention
This is the second common cause, which is largely related to the first. A child (and a husband) needs quality time together — it is characterized by undivided, bright, interested attention that you give to him.
Mother and child spend the whole day together, but each minds his own business, and full contact does not occur.
In some families, the situation is as follows: all the forces are spent on cooking, walking (the child is walking, mom solves things on the phone), cleaning, a simultaneous session of checking lessons and viewing mail. Attention is divided into several tasks at once: it would seem that mother and child spend the whole day together, but each is busy with his own business, and there is no full-fledged contact. And if a child has been deprived of maternal attention all day, and by the evening the last one is taken away from him, there is reason to be upset: he hoped to spend time only with her.
This situation is related to the first: attention is scattered on several things (which must be done while there is time) against the background of the same total lack of strength. Plus our dependence on smartphones.
The solution
What to do so that the family would be happy to let us go in the evenings / afternoons / mornings and be happy to meet after playing sports or meeting friends?
1. Accumulate energy
Within the framework of female Taoist practices, there are many exercises aimed at accumulating vitality and restoring energy tone. The easiest thing to start with is an easy three-minute meditation. As soon as the mind is stilled, attention is brought into the body and breathing is regulated, the habitual tension recedes, and the forces that held it are released.
Sit up straight, back straight, lower back and abdomen relaxed. You can sit on pillows or on a chair. Place your hand on the lower abdomen and inhale as if inhaling under the palm of your hand. Please note: the diaphragm is relaxed, the breath flows down easily and smoothly. Do not speed up or slow down the breath, let it flow in a natural rhythm.
Say to yourself: I am doing this to get energy to share with my loved ones.
Count your breaths; gently but surely concentrate on each that flows under the palm of your hand. Start practicing from three minutes: before you sit down, set the alarm for 3 minutes and as soon as he gives the signal, stop. Even if you want to continue. Leave this «hunger» for tomorrow, because the secret of successful meditation is not in its duration, but in regularity. After a week, you can increase the duration by 1 minute. Then — one more.
According to the latest scientific research, to rejuvenate the brain, get additional energy and balance emotions, you need to meditate for 12 minutes a day. Start with three and work your way up to that number.
2. Dedicate your practices to the family
There is one catch: if our relatives miss us, then daily meditation can also become a stumbling block. So when you sit down to meditate or go to a sport or start a new business, say to yourself: I am doing this to get energy to share with my loved ones. Thus, we dedicate our studies to them. And — I don’t know how or why — but it works! Of course, loved ones will not know what we say to ourselves — but at some level this dedication is felt. And believe me, it will become easier for you to allocate personal time.
3. Spend quality time with your family
Remember, loved ones are more important than 20 minutes only with us (without a phone, TV) than three hours of walking in the park, where everyone is on their own. Set aside 20 minutes a day for playing with your child — not checking the lessons, watching a cartoon collectively, but for an interesting, exciting joint activity. And believe me, your relationship will change radically!
In Western mythology, there is the idea of energy vampires — people who are able to take away our strength in order to feed ourselves. I propose to strike this idea out of my head as untenable. The one who shares his strength, warmth, joy, love cannot be robbed: he gives to his loved ones, and they answer a hundredfold. In response to sincere love, we receive even more energy.