There are many mixed couples and the adage “birds of a feather flock together” lie. To succeed in this story together, assume from the start the choice you have made, impose it on your family. And within your relationship, try to find that subtle balance between accepting differences and asserting your identity.
Mixed couple: be stronger than the outside gaze
Ah, the family! What child has not trembled when it comes to presenting his (future) half to his parents. And what parent has not dreamed of a son-in-law or a beautiful daughter more… better… and above all less… It is up to you to impose your spouse and to support him. Don’t get overwhelmed by the family and think about the one you dream of creating. When the family categorically rejects him / her, it is your determination that will make the difference. Sometimes the family remains inflexible, too much difference frightens it. In this case, it is your relationship that counts, the mutual support that you give each other. Since you are sure of yourself, you will impose yourself. You have to know how to accept that your family (or his) has reservations and doubts about your relationship and your ability to overcome difficulties. Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to prove anything, if not the respect you have for them. The love and longevity of your couple will be your best asset to prove them wrong. Outside of the strict family sphere, looking outside will sometimes be difficult. Stigmatizing jokes are regularly thrown at mixed couples: “He marries her to get papers”, “She is with him to be interviewed” … You must learn to ignore these little phrases, all the more unpleasant as they sometimes come from close entourage. Live your love for yourself and know that according to statistics, mixed couples have the same chances of success as others … Enough to silence evil spirits.
Make your differences a strength
Religion is often the stumbling block for the mixed couple. In general, mixed marriage pushes the two partners towards secularism, or it is the woman who puts aside her religious convictions to “marry” those of her husband. Without coming to that, admitting and understanding the beliefs of the other is essential to succeed in bringing together two religions.
In some religions, the pressure is very strong for one of the spouses to convert. But not always. In many mixed couples, both spouses assert their own religion and succeed perfectly in living with both, even if it means celebrating the New Year twice. Another source of disagreement is culinary traditions. Certain religious obligations are inescapable for the one who practices. You have to know how to accept it without imposing it on yourself if you do not have the same belief. For the other eating habits, specific to each one, a simple open-mindedness will make it possible to support. Your English husband is so happy to enjoy his breakfast, even if the smell is more like that of a rendering factory than the sweet scent of pastries! It is also the key to success : make your differences a strength. Are you black, is he white? You eat pork and he doesn’t? You chose yourself for your differences so don’t try to erase them. It is the wrong path assured. We do not build a relationship on the negation of one or the other. You have to find the right balance between making concessions and not losing your identity. The mixed couple is the exchange of cultures. And from this exchange will emerge values specific to your couple, the foundations of your family. It is on these common values that you must rely to solve your problems instead of each taking refuge in your individual cultures.