Managing your child’s emotions

Tatyana Rozova writes: “I remembered how my mother brought me to my senses if I was upset for some reason. We sat down, talked for a short time, and then my mother gave me, for example, to peel potatoes — they say, dinner needs to be cooked, so after peeling vegetables, we’ll talk further. Or we went to pick berries for compote — they are already pouring in, we’ll talk there. And at work, somehow, the conversation was already receding into the background, and the disorder went somewhere. In general, the best way to remove a bad mood is to get busy. And my mother seemed to know this very well … »

Wisely. At the same time, experienced parents use not only such indirect methods of influencing the mood of the child, but also quite open and direct. The simplest: “Fix your face. If you want to talk, I will be glad, but no one in our family talks to such a person. At the same time, it is clear that as soon as the child removes the offended face, half of his offended emotions will also go away. Similarly, a classic of the genre with very young children: “My good, when you cry, I don’t understand what you are saying. Stop crying, calm down, then we’ll talk, I can help you!

Emotions are a type of behavior, and if parents are qualified to directly control the child’s behavior, they can also directly control his emotions.

This does not apply to anchored emotions, which are not a form of behavior and cannot be directly controlled.

In a family where parents have power, parents can control their children’s emotions as well as any other behavior.

Sometimes you can’t indulge without permission — just as some emotions cannot be done without permission (for example, without permission to cry when someone else’s toy was taken from you).

Sometimes you need to stop playing, get dressed and go with your parents — just as sometimes you need to stop pouting, smile and go help your mother.

The main issue of such upbringing is not the ability to control specifically the emotions of the child, but the ability to control his behavior in principle. If your child does not respond when you call him, you cannot control his emotions, because the child finds it possible to ignore you. If you have achieved that your child obeys you, you can take responsibility for his emotions, cultivating a culture of his feelings.

You can teach him how to deal with his mistakes (don’t cry or scold himself, but go and fix it), how to deal with what needs to be done (go and do it), how to deal with difficulties (support yourself, organize help for yourself and do what you can), how to treat loved ones — with attention and willingness to help.

Lena was upset

History from life. Lena saved up money and bought herself headphones by ordering them on the Internet. She looks — and there is another connector, these headphones do not fit her phone. She was very upset, did not burst into tears, but quarreled at the world and at herself. Mom suggested that she still calm down, so not to worry and think about whether it is possible to solder the plug. That is: “You can worry, but not so much and not for so long. I was worried — turn on your head.

The decision of the pope was different, namely: “Lena, attention: you can’t upset yourself. Stop doing it, come to your senses. You need to resolve the issue. How? You can come up with it yourself, you can contact us. Is there any clarity? These are three instructions. The first is the prohibition against harming one’s own condition. The second is the obligation to turn on the head. The third is an instruction to contact parents when they cannot find the best solution. Total: we do not calm down, but give instructions and control the implementation.