Is my child hyperactive or just rowdy?

Is my nervous child hyperactive? No, just rowdy!

“A real electric battery! It exhausts me to fidget without stopping! He’s hyperactive, you should take him to the doctor for treatment! “Exclaims Théo’s grandmother, 4, every time she brings him back to her daughter’s house after having looked after him on Wednesday afternoon. For the past fifteen years and by dint of hearing about it in the media, parents and even teachers have tended to see hyperactivity everywhere! All slightly turbulent children, eager to discover the world, would suffer from this pathology. The reality is different. According to various global surveys, hyperactivity or ADHD affects around 5% of children aged 6 to 10 (4 boys for 1 girl). We are far from the announced tidal wave! Before 6 years old, we are rather faced with children who cannot control their behavior. Their excessive activity and lack of concentration are not the expression of an isolated disorder, but they are associated with anxiety, opposition to authority and learning disabilities.

Disturbing, but not pathological

It is certain that parents who have a super busy life would like to meet in the evening and on weekends in front of little angels! But toddlers are always on the move, it’s their age! They get to know their body, develop their motor skills, explore the world. The problem is, they can’t manage their bodily arousal, set limits, it takes time for them to find the capacity to be calm. In particular those who are in community. It’s more stimulating and rich in activities, but it’s also more exciting. When they come home at night, they are tired and upset.

Faced with a very restless child who never finishes what he has started, zaps from one game to another, calls on you every five minutes, it is difficult to remain calm, but it is essential not to annoy. Even when the entourage adds: “But you do not know how to hold it! You’re not doing the right thing! », Because of course, if a child who is too speedy is often frowned upon, so are his parents!

Channel your excitement

So how to react? If you raise your voice, order him to keep quiet, to calm down, he risks adding more by throwing away everything that comes to hand … Not because he is disobedient, but because you ask him this. that precisely he does not manage to do. As Marie Gilloots explains: “ A boisterous child is unable to control themselves. To tell him to stop fidgeting, to scold him, is to attribute to him an intentionality. However, the child does not choose to be agitated, and he is not in a state to calm down. As soon as he gets agitated too much, it is better to say to him: “I see that you are excited, we are going to do something to calm you down, I will help you, don’t worry. »Give him a hug, give him a drink, sing him a song … Supported by your commitment, your” ball of nerves “will drop in tension and learn to manage his excitement with soothing gestures, quiet physical pleasures.

Read also: 10 tips to best cope with your anger

Help him to spend himself

A restless child needs lots of opportunities to exercise and express his liveliness. It is better to arrange your lifestyle and your leisure activities taking this particularity into account. Favor physical activities outside. Give him moments of freedom, but pay attention to his safety, because the turbulent little ones are impulsive and easily endanger themselves by climbing rocks or climbing trees. Once he has let off steam outside, also offer him quiet activities (puzzles, lotto games, cards, etc.). Read him stories, offer to make pancakes together, to draw… The important thing is that you are available to him, that your presence and your attention channel his disorderly activity. To improve his ability to concentrate, the first step is to do the chosen activity with him, and secondly, to encourage him to do it alone. Another way to help a restless little one calm down is to arrange moments of transition, soothing rituals at bedtime. Speed ​​children are in on / off mode, they go from waking to sleeping by “falling like a mass”. Evening rituals – hummed lullabies, whispered stories – help them discover the pleasure of surrendering to reverie, imagination, thought rather than action.

Other explanations for his agitation

We can argue that some children are more turbulent than others, that some have an explosive, go-getter temperament, others a more calm and introspective character. And we’ll be right. But if we try to understand why some are so agitated, we realize that there are other causes than DNA and genetics. Children “tornadoes” need more than others that we reaffirm the rules to be respected, the limits not to be exceeded. They are also children who often lack self-confidence. Of course, they have no doubts about their physical abilities, but they are insecure when it comes to their ability to think and communicate. This is why it is important to encourage your mini cyclone to take the word, rather than the deed. Make him discover that there is a pleasure in speaking, in posing, in listening to a story, in discussing. Encourage him to tell you what he did, what he watched as a cartoon, what he liked about his day. The lack of self-confidence of overly restless children is also reinforced by their difficulty in adapting to school rhythms, school pressure. The teacher asks them to be calm, to remain well seated in their chair, to respect the instructions… Badly supported by the teachers who have a lot of children to manage in their class, they are also badly supported by the other children who consider them to be poor playmates! They don’t respect the rules, don’t play collectively, stop before the end… The result is that they have a hard time making friends and integrating into the group. If your little one is an electric battery, do not hesitate to tell his teacher. Be careful that he is not systematically referred to by the teacher and the other children in the class as “the one who does stupid things”, “the one who makes too much noise”, because this stigma results in he is excluded from the group. And this exclusion will reinforce his disorderly agitation.

Excessive activity, a sign of insecurity

The excess activities of a toddler can also be linked to a worry, a latent insecurity. Perhaps he is worried because he does not know who is going to pick him up from the daycare? At what time ? Perhaps he is afraid of being scolded by the mistress? etc. Discuss it with him, encourage him to say what he feels, do not allow an uneasiness to set in that would make his agitation stronger. And even if it allows you to breathe, limit the time spent in front of screens (TV, computer …) and too exciting images, because they increase agitation and attention disorders. And once he’s done, ask him to tell you about the episode of the cartoon he saw, what his game is about … Teach him to put words to his actions. In general, the overload of activities gets better with age: when entering first grade, the level of restlessness has generally fallen. This is true for all children, it happens naturally, specifies Marie Gilloots: “During the three years of kindergarten, troublemakers learned to live in a community, not to make too much noise, not to disturb others, to be physically calmer, sit still and mind their business. Attention disorders get better, they manage to concentrate better on an activity, not to skip right away, they are less easily distracted by the neighbor, a noise. “

When should you consult? What are the signs of hyperactivity in children?

But sometimes, nothing gets better, the child is always so unmanageable, he is pointed out by the teacher, excluded from collective games. The question then arises of a real hyperactivity, and a confirmation of the diagnosis by a specialist (a child psychiatrist, sometimes a neurologist) should be considered. The medical check-up consists of an interview with the parents and an examination of the child, in order to detect possible coexisting problems (epilepsy, dyslexia, etc.). The family and teachers answer questionnaires designed to assess the intensity and frequency of symptoms. The questions can concern all children: “Does he have trouble taking his turn, staying in a chair?” Is he losing his things? », But in the hyperactive, the cursor is at the maximum. To help the child regain an ability to be quiet, the psychiatrist will sometimes prescribe Ritalin, a drug reserved for children in whom the disorders interfere too strongly with social or school life. As Marie Gilloots underlines: “It should be remembered that Ritalin is in the category of narcotics, amphetamines, it is not a vitamin” which makes one wise “”. It’s a temporary help sometimes necessary, because hyperactivity is a handicap. But Ritalin doesn’t solve everything. It must be associated with relational care (psychomotricity, psychotherapy, speech therapy) and a strong investment from parents who must arm themselves with patience, because the cure of hyperactivity takes time. “