Contents
Many parents still believe in the pedagogical effect of cuffs. But strict measures destroy the child’s psyche. Our consultant family psychologist Vita Malygina talks about the consequences of family cruelty that mothers and fathers should remember.
April 16 2017
Beating as the norm
For some parents, a naughty baby is the best way to let off steam: both the soul felt better, and the child calmed down. Convincing themselves that this is an extreme measure (“otherwise you cannot cope with him,” “he is uncontrollable”), adults do not notice the main thing – their own weakness and inability to explain the problem. As a result, the child does not understand what he was punished for, gradually gets used to the slaps and perceives them as inevitable.
Psychological trauma
It is not easy even for an adult to survive beatings, but for a child it is a real tragedy. He experiences any events much more acutely, and corporal punishment brings not only physical, but also moral suffering. They are remembered for a lifetime.
Tendency to aggression
The child always imitates his parents, copies their behavior. Having received a slap in the face at home, he can easily hit a classmate or kick a cat. Everything is logical: “Since adults do this to me, I can do it too!” The words that you can’t fight will be spoken into the void. The picture of the world has already taken shape: who is stronger is right.
Poor academic performance
There is a lot of research confirming that the intelligence level of children who are bullied by their parents is much lower than that of their peers raised without cuffs. This is due to the body’s defensive reaction: the brain works to protect the psyche, but it does not have enough reserves for the rest. Do you want your student to bring good grades? Help him deal with the object instead of hitting him on the head.
Suppression of will
Children who are regularly punished often grow up weak-willed and easily manipulated. Or, even worse, suspicious aggressive individuals who are ready to respond to any (often imaginary) threat with malice and aggression.
Low self-esteem
The child loves his parents, no matter what they do. The punished kid argues: “Something is wrong with me, I’m bad, that’s why they don’t like me.” But he really wants the situation to change, he tries in every possible way to please mom and dad, not to disappoint them, to be good. Such children grow into notorious adults who depend on public opinion.
Shattered family
Over time, assault destroys the parent-child relationship. Having ceased to trust, the baby gradually moves away, withdraws into himself. Childhood grievances are not forgotten, and as an adult, he is likely to recoup older parents. You will definitely not wait for care and warmth from him.
Interview
How do you punish children?
I try not to punish, but to negotiate and explain.
I impose sanctions: I leave without cartoons, for example, or without sweets.
I make it clear that he offended me with his behavior. I don’t talk to him, for example.
I can slap my butt in my hearts, if anything serious.
I think spanking is better than screaming and humiliating.