Contents
When to become a mother is not easy
“I don’t want to be a mother anymore”, this is in essence the testimony of Sonia, a young British mother who, after years of hoping to have a child, took a year to love her little boy. Married to Steve, a man she has known since her youth, Sonia first encountered difficulties getting pregnant. With his companion, they consult and follow infertility treatments. The young woman finally gets pregnant and has a rather pleasant pregnancy, without “any complications, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing uncomfortable, everything was simple”, she says. Except that already: “ I didn’t like to feel the baby kick, I didn’t like to stroke my belly thinking about beautiful things, I was just completely detached from the life growing inside me, and I walked on as if nothing was wrong », She explains. Sonia thinks the attachment will come when her child is born.
“I have experienced absolutely nothing for him”
She decides to give birth in the water. Everything is going well, she gives birth to a healthy baby boy. “The midwife placed it on my chest for me to wear for the first time, and that’s where it all started: I didn’t feel a thing for him at all. Jwas there, stretched out in the water, feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t feel what most moms feel: love », She admits. She then recounts the passing months, where she lives in a kind of routine and constant detachment. When asked if she likes being a mom, she nods, but deep down she thinks, “This is horrible! “. When told that her son is adorable, she thinks otherwise. “I hated that he needed me all the time like that, I hated feeling like I was losing my independence and not feeling ‘me’ anymore. I started to feel animosity against him. »She then says that she had only one idea in mind: to go far.
Diagnosis of postpartum depression
“I watched the clock all day until my husband came home. Sometimes I would pack my bag to go and then hide it when Steve arrived.
I was staying because I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I just had to get used to my little guy being a part of it too. Then they moved when the little one was 8 months old. She has accumulated fatigue from work, moving in, her role as mother … Exhausted, Sonia then consults a doctor who detects a postpartum depression. She explains, “There is a misconception about postpartum depression. Often it is a question of moms wanting to harm their baby. Obviously this is not the majority of cases. Besides, I didn’t feel that, a desire to leave yes, but not that kind of negative feeling. Her entourage is very present and supports her, but that is not enough and she cannot manage to go up the slope.
And then, his son celebrates his 1 year: “On his birthday, I looked at him and then I realized he was starting to become independent… I thought to myself that I had survived the first year and that in the end I had stayed close to him! But most of all, I started to like it. Today my little man is a vigorous and happy 2 year old boy and I have no words to explain how much I love him. I can’t live without him ! I have two loves in my life now, ”concludes the young mother.
Interview by Christine Diego