Contents
“My couple did not resist the birth of my twins …”
“I found out in 2007 that I was pregnant. I remember that moment very well, it was violent. When you take a pregnancy test, which is positive, you immediately think of one thing: you are pregnant with “a” child. So in my head, going to the first ultrasound, I was expecting a child. Except that the radiologist told us, daddy and me, that there were two babies! And then came the shock. Once we had a one-on-one meeting, we said to each other, it’s great, but how are we going to do it? We asked ourselves lots of questions: changing the car, the apartment, how we were going to manage two toddlers … All the initial ideas, when we imagine that we are going to have a single child, have fallen into the water. I was still quite worried, I had to buy a double stroller, at work, what were my superiors going to say … I immediately thought of the practical organization of daily life and the reception of children.
A successful delivery and return home
Obviously, with the father, we realized quite quickly that our living environment together did not fit with the arrival of twins.. In addition to that, during the pregnancy, something strong happened to me: I was very anxious because I could not feel one of the babies move. I believed in an in utero death for one of the two, it was terrible. Fortunately, when we are expecting twins, we are followed very regularly, the ultrasounds are very close together. This reassured me enormously. The father was very present, he accompanied me every time. Then Inoa and Eglantine were born, I gave birth at 35 weeks and 5 days. Everything went very well. The daddy was there, involved, even if privacy was not at the rendezvous in the maternity ward. There are a lot of people during and after childbirth when giving birth to twins.
When we got home, everything was ready to welcome the babies: the beds, the bedrooms, the bottles, the material and the equipment. The father worked little, he was present with us the first month. He helped me a lot, he managed the logistics more, such as shopping, meals, he was more in the organization, little in the mothering of the little ones. As I did a mixed feeding, breastfeeding and bottle-feeding, he gave the bottle at night, got up, so I could rest.
More libido
Quite quickly, a big problem began to weigh on the couple, and that was my lack of libido. I had gained 37 kg during the pregnancy. I no longer recognized my body, especially my stomach. I kept the traces of my pregnant belly for a long time, at least six months. Clearly, I had lost confidence in myself, as a woman, and sexually with the father of the children. I gradually detached myself from sexuality. During the first nine months, nothing happened in our intimate life. Then, we took up a sexuality, but it was different. I was complexed, I had had an episiotomy, it blocked me sexually. The father started to blame me about it. For my part, I could not find the right words to explain my problem to him. In fact, I had more complaints than accompaniment and understanding from him. Then, somehow, we had a good time, especially when we were away from the house, when we went to the countryside. As soon as we were elsewhere, outside the house, and especially from everyday life, we both found each other. We had a freer spirit, we relived things physically more easily. Despite everything, the period of blame against me has affected our relationship. He was frustrated as a man and on my side I was focused on my role as a mom. It’s true, I was very invested as a mother with my daughters. But my relationship was no longer my priority. There was a separation between the father and me, especially since I felt very tired, I was working at the time in a very stressful sector. In hindsight, I realize that I have never given up in my role as an active woman, as a mother, I was leading everything. But it was to the detriment of my role as a woman. I no longer felt interest in my married life. I was focused on my role as a successful mother and my job. I was only talking about that. And since you can’t be at the top in all areas, I sacrificed my life as a woman. I could see more or less what was going on. Certain habits took hold, we no longer had a married life. He alerted me to our intimate problems, he was in need of sex. But I was no longer interested in these words or in sexuality in general.
I had a burnout
In 2011, I had to undergo an abortion, following an “accidental” early pregnancy. We decided not to keep it, given what we were going through with the twins. From that point on, I didn’t want to have sex anymore, for me it necessarily meant “getting pregnant”. As a bonus, the return to work also played a role in the estrangement of the couple. In the morning I got up at 6 a.m. I was getting ready before I woke up the girls. I took care of managing the exchange book with the nanny and the father about the children, I even prepared dinner in advance so that the nanny only takes care of the girls’ bath and makes them eat before my return. Then at 8:30 am, departure for the nursery or school, and at 9:15 am, I arrived at the office. I would come home at about 19:30 p.m. At 20:20 p.m., in general, the girls were in bed, and we had dinner with the father around 30:22 p.m. In the end, at 30:2014 p.m., last deadline, I fell asleep and went to sleep. to sleep. It was my daily rhythm, until XNUMX, the year I suffered a burnout. I collapsed one evening on my way home from work, exhausted, out of breath from this crazy rhythm between professional and personal life. I took a long sick leave, then I left my company and I am still in a period without work at the moment. I take my time to reflect on past events of the past three years. Today, I think that what I missed the most in my relationship are quite simple things in the end: tenderness, daily help, support also from the father. Encouragement, words like “don’t worry, it’ll work out, we’ll get there”. Or so that he takes me by the hand, that he says to me “I am here, you are beautiful, I love you”, more often. Instead, he always referred me to the image of this new body, to my extra pounds, he compared me to other women, who after having children, had remained feminine and thin. But in the end, I think I had lost confidence in him, I thought he was responsible. Maybe I should have seen a shrink then, not waited for the burnout. I had no one to talk to, my questions were still pending. In the end, it is as if time has disunited us, I am responsible for it too, we each have our share of responsibility, for different reasons.
In the end, I come to think that it’s wonderful to have the girls, twins, but very hard too. The couple really have to be strong, solid to get through this. And above all that everyone accepts the physical, hormonal and psychological upheaval that this represents ”.