L’expert :
Hélène Goninet, midwife and sex therapist, author of “Childbirth between power, violence and enjoyment”, published by Mamaeditions
Feeling pleasure in childbirth is more likely to occur if you are having a natural childbirth. This is what Hélène Goninet, midwife affirms: “That is to say without an epidural, and under conditions which promote intimacy: darkness, silence, people of confidence, etc. I interviewed 324 women in my survey. It is still taboo, but more common than you think. In 2013, a psychologist recorded 0,3% of orgasmic births in France. But he had only questioned midwives on what they perceived! Personally, as a liberal midwife doing home births, I would say 10% more. Many women experience pleasure, especially during the birth of a child, sometimes with each lull between contractions. Some until orgasm, others not. This is a phenomenon that can go unnoticed by the medical team. Sometimes the feeling of pleasure is very fleeting. During childbirth, there are uterine contractions, increased heart rate, hyperventilation, and (if not suppressed) cries of liberation, such as during intercourse. The baby’s head presses against the walls of the vagina and the roots of the clitoris. Another fact: the neurological circuits which transmit pain are the same as those which transmit pleasure. Only, to feel something other than pain, you have to learn to know your body, to let go and above all, to get out of fear and control. Not always easy!
Celine, Mother of an 11 year old girl and a 2 month old baby boy.
“I used to say around me: childbirth is great!”
“My daughter is 11 years old. It is important to me to testify because, for years, I had difficulty believing what I had experienced. Until I came across a TV show where a midwife was intervening. She spoke of the importance of giving birth without an epidural, saying that it can give women amazing sensations, especially pleasure. It was then that I realized that I had not hallucinated eleven years ago. I really felt immense pleasure… when the placenta came out! My daughter was born premature. She left a month and a half too early. It was a small baby, my cervix had already been dilated for several months, very flexible. The delivery was particularly rapid. I knew she was a small weight and worried about her, but I was not afraid of childbirth at all. We arrived at the maternity ward at half past twelve and my daughter was born at 13:10 pm During the whole labor, the contractions were very bearable. I had taken sophrology childbirth preparation courses. I was doing “positive visualizations”. I saw myself with my baby once born, I saw a door opening, it helped me a lot. It was very nice. I experienced the birth itself as a wonderful moment. I barely felt her come out.
It’s an intense relaxation, a real pleasure
When she was born, the doctor told me that there was still delivery of the placenta. I moaned, I couldn’t see the end of it. Yet it was at this moment that I felt immense pleasure. I don’t know how it works, for me it’s not a real sexual orgasm, but it’s an intense release, a real pleasure, deep. At the time of delivery, I felt what we can feel when the orgasm rises and overwhelms us. I made a sound of enjoyment. It challenged me, I stopped short, I was ashamed. In fact, I had enjoyed by then. I looked at the doctor and said, “Oh yeah, now I understand why we call it deliverance”. The doctor did not answer, he (luckily) did not have to understand what had happened to me. I was completely serene, perfectly well and relaxed. I really felt pleasure. I had never known this before and I never felt it again afterwards. For the birth of my second child, two months ago, I did not experience the same thing at all! I gave birth with an epidural. I did not feel any enjoyment. I was really, really bad! I didn’t know what a painful childbirth was! I had 12 hours of work. The epidural was inevitable. I was very tired and I don’t regret having perished, I can’t imagine how I could have done it without benefiting from it. The problem is, I didn’t have any feelings. I was completely numb from the bottom. I find it a shame not to have felt anything. There are a lot of women who give birth with an epidural, so they can’t figure it out. When I said around me: “Childbirth, I think it’s great”, people looked at me with big round eyes, as if I were an alien. And I was finally convinced that it was the same for all women! The girlfriends who gave birth after me didn’t talk about pleasure at all. Since then, I advise my friends to do it without perishing in order to be able to experience these sensations. You have to experience it at least once in your life! “
Sarah
Mom of three children.
“I was convinced that childbirth was painful.”
“I am the oldest of eight children. Our parents gave us the idea that pregnancy and childbirth are natural moments, but unfortunately our society had hypermedicalized them, making things more complicated. However, like most people, I was convinced that childbirth was painful. When I was pregnant for the first time, I had many questions about all these preventive medical examinations, as well as about the epidural, which I refused for my deliveries. I had the chance to meet a liberal midwife during my pregnancy who helped me face my fears, especially that of dying. I arrived serene on the day of my childbirth. My child was born in water, in a natural room of a private clinic. I did not know at the time that it was possible in France to give birth at home. I went to the clinic quite late, I remember the contractions were painful. Being in the water afterwards eased the pain a lot. But I suffered the suffering, believing it to be inevitable. I tried to breathe deeply between contractions. But as soon as the contraction returned, even more violent, I clenched my teeth, I tensed. On the other hand, when the baby arrived, what a relief, what a feeling of well-being. It’s as if time stands still, as if everything is over.
For my second pregnancy, our life choices had taken us away from the city, I met a great midwife, Hélène, who practiced childbirth at home. This possibility has become obvious. A very strong relationship of friendship has been built between us. The monthly visits were a real moment of happiness and brought me a lot of peace. On the big day, what a joy to be at home, free to move around, without hospital stress, surrounded by the people I love. Yet when the big contractions came, I remember the severe pain. Because I was still in the resistance. And the more I resisted, the more it hurt. But I also remember the periods of almost pleasurable well-being between the contractions and the midwife who invited me to relax and enjoy the calm. And always this happiness after birth …
A mixed feeling of power and strength rose in me.
Two years later, we are living in a new house in the country. I am again followed by the same midwife. My readings, my exchanges, my meetings have made me evolve: I am now convinced that childbirth is the initiatory ritual that makes us a woman. I now know that it is possible to experience this moment differently, to no longer endure it with resistance to pain. On the night of childbirth, after a loving embrace, the water bag cracked. I was afraid that the home birth project would fall apart. But when I called the midwife, in the middle of the night, she reassured me by telling me that the contractions often come quickly, that we would wait in the morning to see the evolution. Indeed, they came that night, more and more intense. Around 5 a.m., I called the midwife. I remember lying on my bed staring out the window at the dawn of dawn. Hélène arrived, everything went very quickly. I settled in with lots of pillows and blankets. I completely let go. I no longer resisted, I no longer suffered the contractions. I was lying on my side, completely relaxed and confident. My body opened up to let my baby pass. A mixed feeling of power and strength rose in me and as it came to a head, my baby was born. I stayed there for a long time, happy, completely disconnected, my baby against me, unable to open my eyes, in full ecstasy. “
Evangeline
Mom of a little boy.
“The caresses stopped the pain.”
“One Sunday, around five o’clock, the contractions wake me up. They monopolize me so much that I focus on them. They are not painful. I try my hand at different positions. I was scheduled to give birth at home. I feel like I’m dancing. I feel pretty. I really appreciate a position where I am half-sitting, half-lying against Basil, on my knees, who kisses me full on the mouth. When he kisses me during the contraction, I no longer feel any tension, I only have pleasure and relaxation. It’s magic and if he quits too soon, I feel the tension again. He finally stopped kissing me with each contraction. I have the impression that he is embarrassed in front of the gaze of the midwife, yet benevolent. Around noon, I go in the shower with Basile. He stands behind me and embraces me tenderly. It is very sweet. We’re just the two of us, it’s nice, so why not take it a step further? With a gesture, I invite him to stroke my clitoris, like when we make love. Oh that’s good !
A magic button!
We are in the process of giving birth, the contractions are strong and very close together. Basil’s caresses relax me during the contraction. We get out of the shower. Now I’m really starting to hurt. Around two o’clock, I ask the midwife to check the opening of my cervix. She tells me 5 cm of dilation. It’s total panic, I expected 10 cm, I thought I was at the end. I cry loudly and think about what active solutions I could find to help me cope with the fatigue and pain. The doula comes out to fetch Basil. I am alone again and think back to the shower and the caresses of Basil which made me so good. I then stroke my clitoris. It’s amazing how relieves me. It’s like a magic button that takes away the pain. When Basil arrives, I explain to him that I really need to be able to caress myself and ask him if it would be possible for me to stay alone for a while. He will therefore ask the midwife if she is okay with me staying alone (without explaining my motivation). Basil covers the window so that there is no light that can enter. I settle there alone. I go into a kind of trance. What I had never experienced before. I feel an infinite force coming from me, a released force. When I touch my clitoris I have no sexual pleasure as I know it when I have sex, only much more relaxation than if I didn’t. I feel the head go down. In the room, there is the midwife, Basile and me. I ask Basil to continue to stroke me. The midwife’s gaze no longer bothers me, especially given the benefits that caresses bring me in terms of relaxation and pain reduction. But Basil is too embarrassed. The pain is very intense. So I start pushing for it to end as quickly as possible. I think that with the caresses I could have been more patient, as I will learn afterwards that I have a tear requiring six stitches. Arnold has just poked his head, he opens his eyes. One last contraction and the body comes out, Basile receives it. He passes it between my legs and I hug him. I am so happy. The placenta comes out slowly without any pain. It is 19 p.m. I no longer feel any fatigue. I am so happy, elated. “
Ecstatic videos!
On Youtube, women giving birth at home do not hesitate to film themselves. One of them, Amber Hartnell, an American living in Hawaii, talks about how the power of pleasure surprised her, when she expected to be in great pain. She appears in the documentary “In Journal of Sex Research (“ Orgasmic Birth: The Best Kept Secret ”), directed by Debra Pascali-Bonaro.
Masturbation and pain
Barry Komisaruk, neuroscientist, and his team at the University of New Jersey have been studying the effects of orgasm on the brain for 30 years. They found that when women stimulated their vagina or clitoris, they became less sensitive to painful stimulation. ()