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Greetings to my readers! Friends, the death of a loved one changes life once and for all. How to survive the death of a loved one? How to cope with the influx of experiences, feelings, emotions and learn to live anew?
Death of a loved one
The division into periods (stages) that a person goes through in experiencing his grief on the way to getting out of severe stress is rather arbitrary, although it coincides with the periods of remembrance in many religions of the world. But all people experience grief in different ways.
Many factors play a role in the differences:
- age;
- floor;
- emotionality;
- health status;
- spiritual closeness with the departed;
- upbringing;
- other factors.
But there are general patterns that you need to know in order to correctly assess the state and be able to get out of it. Moreover, it is necessary to know this both for the one who has lost a loved one, and for those who provide him with support.
The following patterns apply to children in grief. Only they need to be treated during this period with even greater attention and caution. The attitude towards grief and loss is laid down precisely in childhood.
Hit. Acute grief
The first thing that happens to a person who suddenly lost a loved one is a misunderstanding of what happened. My head is spinning: “It can’t be!”. For most, the first reaction is shock. This is a protective reaction of the body, “self-anesthesia”. It manifests itself, as a rule, in two opposite forms:
- decreased vitality, numbness, inability to perform the simplest habitual actions (“stupor”);
- excessive manifestation of activity in agitation, fussiness, screaming.
These states can replace each other. And that’s okay. A person cannot believe what happened, sometimes avoiding the truth. You cannot allow a person in such a state to remain alone with himself for a long time, to withdraw into himself. Rejection of what happened can manifest itself as:
- search in the crowd, focus on meeting;
- deception of presence (a person hears a voice, feels a presence);
- illusion of communication, dialogue with the departed;
- planning of actions, an act with the expectation of a departed person;
- cult (keeping everything connected with the departed intact).
If a person continues to completely deny the fact of loss for a long time, the mechanism of self-deception turns on. “Nobody talks about what happened, so nothing happened. It won’t hurt me. ” After all, to accept the loss as a fact is to experience unbearable pain.
How to survive the death of a loved one? The cure for this is very bitter – to believe what happened. Let your feelings come out, talk about them with someone who is willing to listen. Cry if you feel like it. Tears relieve deep pain.
This period lasts on average up to 40 days. If this process has been delayed for many months, and you do not see a way out, see your doctor.
Why? Search for the culprit
The reality of the loss is gradually realized. The absence of a loved one is felt more and more sharply. There are many different “why?” The question is a cry of pain. Unanswered questions, helplessness and powerlessness generate feelings of guilt and injustice, resentment and anger.
It seems to us that they didn’t give something, they didn’t say anything, they didn’t ask for forgiveness on time. Despair, guilt, and aggression are physically and psychologically exhausting. Remember that these emotions are a natural response. You are not crazy!
It is good if there are people nearby who will not allow a person to fully concentrate on their unhappiness.
How to cope with the loss of a loved one
Sometimes this method helps. Write a letter to a deceased loved one and express all your feelings in it. For example, obey, confess your love, etc.
Signs that should make others sound the alarm:
- constant thoughts about the aimlessness and worthlessness of life, avoidance of people;
- too frequent thoughts about death and suicide;
- inability to do usual things for a long time;
- abuse of all kinds;
- slow reactions or inappropriate actions;
- constant emotional breakdowns or uncontrollable crying;
- long-term sleep disturbances, extreme weight loss or gain.
If you have any concerns or doubts, seek professional help.
Recovery
Over time comes an emotional acceptance of the loss. We stop living only in the past. The ability to adequately perceive the changed reality is gradually returning. A person finds points of application of his forces.
After accepting the loss, he learns to plan his life taking into account the changes that have occurred. The loss changed the way you lived your life, but it stopped controlling your actions. For different people, this stage can be of different duration. Usually, the entire recovery process takes about a year.
Special days
During the first year, it will be difficult on special days: vacation, birthday, wedding anniversary, etc. These dates are an unwitting reminder of a sad event. Therefore, it is useful to prepare in advance a toast or a poem in honor of the departed, as if he is among those present.
Many find salvation in good deeds, charity in memory of a loved one. There is no single simple advice on how to survive the death of a loved one. This process is multifaceted and individual. But we can talk about the most important things:
- you must give yourself enough time for the wound to heal;
- don’t be afraid to ask for help when needed. Let your loved ones support you. After all, a shared sorrow is half a mountain;
- watch your diet. You need strength and energy. Try to follow your usual daily routine. Don’t rush to soothe yourself with medications or alcohol. Self-medication during times of stress can be useless and even harmful;
- don’t judge yourself for showing feelings and emotions. Suffering is a natural reaction to the loss of a loved one. Having passed through pain and suffering, a person grows spiritually;
- talk about the past (without overusing) with anyone who is willing to listen;
- if, remembering the departed, you want to smile or even laugh – do not be afraid of this. Laughter is not evidence of lesser sorrow. He is an indicator that there were many bright and joyful moments in your common life;
- remember, accepting the loss and learning to live with it does not mean forgetting or betraying. Healing is right and natural;
- be as active and as busy as possible. Give your energy, love, active participation to those who especially need them at this moment. You have a family, children, friends. Or maybe strangers now need help and support in a situation that you were able to cope with.
Friends, we are waiting for your advice on the topic “How to survive the death of a loved one.” Help with advice to those who are in a very difficult time now. It is important!