You have not believed in New Year’s miracles for a long time, and the prospect of meeting with relatives at the family table makes you sad? Homeopathic and acupuncturist Chris Gilbert recommends an exercise that will help, if not love the winter holidays, then at least start to be more tolerant of them.
The idea of this exercise was suggested to me by a case from practice. One of my patients, let’s call her Eva, every year in early December began to complain of fatigue, insomnia and headaches. Just the thought of a gala dinner, to which her mother would come, brought Eva out of balance. Often, against the background of these problems, the woman’s immune system failed and she fell ill with either bronchitis or tonsillitis.
After the winter holidays, the symptoms gradually disappeared by themselves. Although at the first reception after the holidays, Eva always came agitated, said that she and her mother quarreled, and each time she swore that this was the last family dinner that she had ever arranged. The next year it all happened again.
We often don’t appreciate what we have.
In 2008, Eva’s mother died, and I expected that this time she would celebrate the New Year without illness and alarming symptoms. But I was wrong. That year, around Christmas, she began a real depression. Eva missed her mother very much, recalled how they cooked a festive dinner together and decorated the house, exchanged gifts and watched films. Now the woman regretted all the quarrels and hurtful words spoken to her mother. She lacked support and participation.
We often do not appreciate what we have. For example, many patients find New Year’s holidays with their families boring. In such cases, I advise turn on the internal time machine and go forward 50 years.
Imagine that half a century has passed and you are celebrating the New Year. How old are you? 76? 98? Your parents and other relatives with whom you did not get along are long dead. The children and grandchildren have left. They don’t want to spend their holidays with you. You are retired. Your hair has turned gray. The face was covered with a network of wrinkles. Joints hurt. It’s cold outside. And here you are preparing your usual dinner all alone. No one will bring you a gift and ask how you are. There is no one to discuss the events of the past year with.
Probably, you would give everything to go back 50 years and sit with your relatives at the same table! Listen to your father’s stupid stories and mother’s caustic remarks, answer your aunt’s tactless questions, play with your annoying nephew. You never thought that you would miss these people so much.
Without all this fuss, life becomes so dreary and even loses all meaning.
Now turn on the internal time machine again and return to the present. Think about how great it is to be here and now. Your loved ones are alive and hopefully healthy. You look good and full of energy. And most importantly, you will not spend your holidays alone. Yes, you will have to listen to critical comments from your parents and endure relatives from another city at home for a couple of days, spend the whole weekend searching for gifts and preparing a festive table, and then clean up the apartment. But without all this fuss, life becomes dreary and loses all meaning.
For many, the thought of New Year’s holidays in the family circle causes cognitive dissonance. We know that a family holiday dinner should be fun and joyful, but something tells us that it will be dreary and painful. This leads to a state of psychological discomfort, anxiety and anger.
You know life is not going to suddenly change for the better on January 1st. However, you must pretend to please other family members and feign joy! You try to suppress negative emotions, it causes stress, fatigue, weakens the immune system and can lead to all sorts of diseases. As a result, the holidays will definitely be completely ruined.
Having lost friends and relatives even in the imagination, we begin to forgive them for many shortcomings.
Much healthier way to reduce the cognitive dissonance — truly love the holidays. The method of the internal time machine just helps to achieve this. Having lost friends and relatives even in the imagination, we begin to forgive them for many shortcomings. A short trip to a possible future teaches us to appreciate what we have now.
If this method does not work, as an experiment, buy a ticket to another city (another country) and celebrate the New Year there all alone. You may enjoy this experience. Then you can spend the holidays like this every year, since it is better for your psychological and physical health. And perhaps you will experience an acute sense of loneliness and will happily meet the next New Year with your family.
About the Expert: Chris Gilbert is an American therapist, homeopathic, acupuncturist, holistic approach to disease management, and author of health books and articles.