The situation of working on oneself has its own specifics — here, on the one hand, the role of emotions and moods is great, on the other hand, the results can be noticed (felt) directly. Empirically, the main tips were developed that help people correctly formulate goals in working on themselves:
1. The goal must be formulated in positive terms. Often the goal is formulated based on what a person does not want to achieve or receive. For example, «I don’t want to feel constrained in a team.» This is a bad wording, it’s better to think about what you want: «I want to be confident.»
2. The goal must be specific and have observable features, verifiable in sensory experience. You will be helped by questions: “How will I understand that the result has been achieved?”. What will I see, hear, feel when this happens? For example, «My breathing will be even and calm, I will speak loudly and confidently, I will see that colleagues will talk to me more often.»
3. Achieving the goal should depend on you. Relying on other people, circumstances, luck or Higher powers is not the best idea, you will most reliably achieve those goals for which you have all the necessary skills, resources and the ability to control what is happening. Returning to our example, these questions could sound like this: “What can I do myself so that colleagues begin to talk to me more often?”, “What my abilities will help me to interest my colleagues?”
4. The goal must be attractive to you. When a goal truly attracts, captivates, then the difficulties that arise on the way to achieving it are more easily overcome. Curiously, sometimes it’s a matter of wording. If you don’t like «become disciplined,» change the wording to the more gentle «accustom yourself to order.»
5. The context in which the target is located is determined. Often people define their goals in a very general way, but in some situations the intended outcome may not be appropriate. For example, if the goal is: “I want to be confident when I need to say what I think,” you should think: “Are there times when it is better to remain silent and not express your opinion?”.
6. An appropriate scale of generalizations has been chosen. A task that is too big and too complicated is often referred to as «elephant,» and the accomplishment of this complex task is «eating the elephant.» Therefore, to the question: “How to eat an elephant?” The best answer is «Only in portions» and small enough to be eaten in one sitting. Remember, any goal that is too big only seems unbearable until you start to divide it into pieces.
7. The goal should be environmentally friendly, not work against you. Define the boundaries of desired and undesirable results, answer yourself the questions: “What will I gain and what will I lose when I achieve my goal?”. Think about whether the achievement of the goal will harm your health, relationships with loved ones? Sometimes moving towards a goal can cause internal conflict, so be careful: are there any parts of you that oppose the realization of the desired goal?
8. Resources have been identified to achieve the goal. To achieve a goal, something is always required: efforts, time, money, sometimes some special knowledge and skills are required. These are essential resources. Think about and answer yourself what resources you need to achieve your goal. If you want to be self-confident, possible questions are: “What do I need to be confident in myself?”, “Have I ever felt confident in myself?” “What did I do, feel, see in a situation where I was confident in myself?”, “Who can help me achieve my goal?”.
9. Identified obstacles to achieving the goal. Find out what is stopping you from reaching your goal right now? How can you overcome these obstacles?
10. First step. In order not to get stuck in plans and dreams, you need to quickly move on to business. There are observations — if you have conceived something and within 48 hours have moved to action, to implementation — your plans are worth something. If you have thought about it, but you put it off and haven’t started doing anything, your plans will never come true. So, hurry up to take the first step, to carry out at least some, but concrete business. Think about when, where, how, with whom you will begin the process of achieving the goal. Use visualization (mentally imagining an exact scene of what you want) to reduce anxiety and increase self-confidence. Start doing!
And finally, you need to truly believe in achieving your goal. Then faith will be the guarantor of your success. I wish you success!