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How do I tell my partner that he is a mess in bed
Gender
To have a satisfying sex life, it is as important to tell what we like as it is to know what the partner likes
There are no laws or tastes in it love, nor in the sex. But what does seem clear (after an impromptu survey among those closest to us) is that, once “in flour” it is more difficult for us to say what we do not like in bed than what we like. And the same happens if we put the focus on our partner. Do you really know what really makes him enjoy or are you going to “business as usual”? The answer to this question matters. And a lot. As Silvia Sanz, a psychologist and sexologist, explains, in order to achieve a full and satisfying sexual life it is so important to know what we want them to do to us but also what our partner likes.
Perhaps because at first it was not given so much importance or because without realizing it it was something that became a custom, or perhaps because shame or even out of fear of disappointing the partner, some sexual relationships include practices that are unattractive to either partner. And from there to boredom or even to rechazo there may be a step. So, is it really that difficult to ask your partner that you would like to make some change in the sexual field? To address this issue, the sexologist proposes five basic premises based, as advised, on the respect.
How do I tell him?
- Start with something positive that you like about the relationship.
- Put yourself in the place of the other, empathize, try to understand why they behave that way
- Explain why you would like to make a change and what you want to achieve with it: more romanticism? More postures? More daring? More cane? …
- Try to cite specific things, do not generalize or speak pejoratively when defining what you want to improve. Use positive language, expressing what you want and not what you don’t want
- Be grateful for those moments of constructive listening to move forward and ask your partner to do the same exercise
In addition to approaching this conversation in a constructive way, the expert also proposes that the couple be aware of some of the most common mistakes that usually lead to an unsatisfactory sexual relationship.
According to the experience of the sexologist in consultation, there are some errors that tend to be more frequent in the case of women and others that are more common in the case of men.
The possible mistakes of them …
- Being passive and not taking the initiative
- Dismissing certain sexual acts because of certain prejudices
- Criticize your genitals
- Faking orgasm
- Using “no sex” as punishment or to beg
- Stop trying postures out of shyness or insecurity
- Always ask for the light to go out
- Skip what we like
The possible mistakes of them
- Initiate sexual intercourse directly with penetration, without foreplay
- Lack of hygiene
- Not knowing the importance of the clitoris
- Thinking that lubrication is equivalent to excitement
- Make comparisons with other couples
- Forget the postcoital moment, in which sensitivity and the couple’s connection are worked
- Forgetting the partner’s pleasure if you reach orgasm before her
- Making gestures that you dislike during oral sex
Knowing your own and other people’s mistakes is the first step to improve your sexual life, as proposed by the psychologist and sexologist Silvia Sanz, who also concludes: «Sex is nothing more than a way of communicating and what better way to do it than by obtaining a mutual pleasure ».