Having repartee supposes responding promptly and appropriately when we are challenged, or even put in difficulty by an apostrophe made to us. Not always easy. And so, writes Dan Bennet, the repartee is very often “What comes to mind when our interlocutor is gone”… Too late, then! Having repartee requires a few qualities, and they can be worked on: being able to listen actively, cultivate oneself, have self-confidence but also humor … These are all assets that will help you, gradually, to be capable of replicating in all circumstances!

Like some people, do you sometimes think of the most accurate things you could and should have said, very often when you have just left your interlocutor? It is certainly that you lack repartee: you cannot and know how to reply in the moment, but only after the fact … It is not that your mind is not working … But you have “The spirit of the staircase”.

This name would have been created by the philosopher of the Enlightenment Denis Diderot, around the years 1773 to 1778 … He who wrote thus, in Paradox about the actor : “The sensitive man like you, entirely to what is objected to him, loses his head and is found only at the bottom of the stairs”… Diderot meant by this that, during a conversation, if something had been objected to him, he lost his means … It was only once he got out, arrived at the bottom of the stairs (and therefore already too late ) that the answer he should have given occurred to him!

Evoking a particularly skilful act of repartee, the writer Théophile Gautier wrote: “Also no one had the happier and more prompt answer, the more spontaneous good word”. But to have repartee, it is already necessary to start by knowing how to listen … And a quality aptitude for practicing listening was defined by the American humanist psychologist Carl Rogers, under the name of “active listening“, Characterized by the manifestation of a mutual respect and trust towards the interlocutor. It requires, in particular, to be centered on the other, and therefore to “To feel with the other”, which is more important than sharing an idea. It also requires empathy, which is “The ability to register in the subjective world of others in order to understand it from the inside”.

Listening well to the words spoken by the other, in tune with them and with their words, you will therefore be able, all the better, to respond appropriately. Another key: the more educated you are, the more up-to-date you will be with the news, the more accurately you will be able to respond. Read, newspapers and books, listen to the debates on television or the radio, even imagine the lines which you could formulate in the place of the humorists or the interviewed politicians: you will then quickly gain in repartee. 

Not having repartee often indicates a lack of self-confidence. However, as Kenny Sureau, author, trainer and personal guide, points out, “The lack of self-confidence is not natural, it comes from some trauma”, such as teasing during life, a physical defect or a feeling of being belittled. We will then find ourselves inhibited when it comes to retorting, replying to a game, in short, to have repartee.

Very fond of information, and an insatiable curiosity, two qualities that allow us to have answers in many situations, Kenny Sureau also believes that “No one is born without self-confidence”, what “It’s a feeling that settles over time”… Especially at a time when constant competition is at work in society. To gain confidence, it may then be enough to be happy as you are and to know where you are going. 

Everyone knows failures. But people who have confidence in themselves will start over and over again, and they will eventually succeed… Persevere! Thus, having gained in confidence in you, well aligned with yourself and with your values, you will gain in repartee, and this one will even become almost natural to you … In addition, the most important will not necessarily be what you say, but the way you are going to bring it. And, in this sense, even a silence can be a “Devastating repartee”, believes a blogger specializing in personal development, especially if this silence “Reflects the desire not to answer a questionnot”.

“The mind sometimes helps us to boldly do stupid things”, estimated François de La Rochefoucauld. And so, one of the most effective methods in terms of repartee is to respond with humor, even irony. Are you criticized for being shy? Answer for example, “No, I only forgot to take off my shy mask”. Moreover, never prepare your lines in advance, be spontaneous and natural. It works! Why not organize verbal games with friends?

Because the humorous and ironic reply requires a fine analysis, and in record time, of what the opponent is expressing, while making sure to let his creativity express itself. Self-mockery can in particular be a good example to nail the beak to your opponent! The theater can also be, for this, a good means of responding to any type of questioning, skirmish, hostile speech …

And indeed, why, if you are particularly prone to a chronic lack of repartee, not to enroll in an improvisation theater workshop? And thus, imagine lines, funny or simply on the subject, gain in spirit… The richer in spirit, refined and sensible will be your repartee, the more your opponent will be astonished! Because, as the writer Léopold Sédor Senghor rightly asserted, “Without the development of the spirit we are nothing. And this quest, which elevates man above man, is the only one which honors humanity ”.