Contents
Forget compliments, the starting gun for infidelity
Couple
Lack of communication, and the feeling that “something is missing” are some of the causes that can lead to infidelity
Throughout the years, couples find themselves with countless problems that they must face. As time passes, as with everything, they wear out, and maintaining a relationship with the strength of the first day requires a lot of effort and love on both sides. But, not all relationships have that resilience, and many are stumbling in the potholes that life puts before them. Infidelity, a topic that is talked about very quietly, without attracting much attention, is one of those great obstacles that a partner can find, and many times it becomes almost impossible to overcome.
If we talk about which are the first “steps” that serve as indicators to recognize whether an infidelity can occur in a couple, they do not exist as such, but we are faced with certain behaviors that can incite the wear and tear of a relationship and that they end up leading to infidelity.
The importance of the communication
«When the foundations of a relationship are altered, it is when one of the parties of the couple can be unfaithful. It may be because lack of communication, due to problems in the sexual area, because they feel that affection is lacking … but each couple is different “, explains Laia Cadens, a clinical psychologist who is an expert in psychology. Likewise, he comments that we can find other aggravating factors, such as family burdens or problems in social relationships. «What causes infidelity to occur is something multifactorial, a summation of various variables, although normally problems lie in the sexual area and affective, “says the professional.
A survey conducted by the extramarital dating application Gleeden shows that 77% of unfaithful women indicate that the lack of compliments and nice words from their partner was the reason they committed infidelity. Laia Cadens explains that a cause-effect is established, since, when a woman feels that her partner does not value her, she does not say nice things, does not give her compliments, self-esteem, self-image and self-concept are affected. «It is not that your partner should build your self-esteem, but if you should reinforce it, and if it does not happen, many people seek that validation in others, to be able to fill the deficiencies they feel, says Laia Cadens, who emphasizes the idea that we should not expect our partner to be the center of our self-esteem, but we do should reinforce it: «It is the couple who must say what they like or attract about us, in order to keep the desire active, the excitement, and therefore, the lack of compliments is such a determining cause when it comes to I know of an infidelity.
Why are we unfaithful?
Although in the first place she clarifies that we cannot generalize, since, regardless of a person’s gender, the reasons for infidelity may be similar, the psychologist explains that many men, more than for lack of compliments, end up being unfaithful as a escape route from monotony of a relationship. “We actually think that there are many reasons why people are unfaithful to their partner, but they all reside in the same thing: my relationship does not give me what I need, and I am going to look for it outside,” says Laia Cadens, who points out that also , not everyone seeks the same thing in an infidelity: «There is something you want is something just for sex, others who only seek a way of escape or even people with common hobbies with which they can share moments that they cannot share with their partners» .
Infidelity, deep down, is a way of trying to fix the problems that occur in a couple. Therefore, it can be chosen as the solution before deciding to break up. “We must see it from the particularity of each couple, but in general, a person who is in a marriage, or stable partner, and feels that a piece is missing, does not want to lose everything else, and therefore ends up being unfaithful,” he says the psychologist and concludes: «There are people who when they see that things are not working go straight ahead and face the problem, but not all are capable; In a stable relationship, whatever decision is made, it will entail a loss.