What do vegans complain about when they talk to each other? The time has come to bring to the public the secret thoughts of many vegans.
While most people, as far as we know, can leaf through a magazine or check email while sitting on the toilet, vegetarian food is so high in fiber that we don’t spend enough time in the toilet to read anything. Despite the fact that we sometimes empty ourselves two or more times a day, this happens in the shortest possible time, and, alas, reading in the toilet is not for us. In addition, we spend more than anyone else on toilet paper, which we use in sizes that would shock people who keep laxatives in their first aid kit. But this is not something we can talk about in polite society.
No second serving
In gatherings where non-vegans have a numerical advantage, vegan dishes are always among the most popular. So when we return for a second helping of vegan lasagne, cheese-free salad, or vegan kebabs, there’s nothing vegan left. If you are reading this, please bring a vegan meal to your next event.
stuck in the middle
Statistically, vegans are leaner than our meat-eating friends. So when five people are in the same car, we usually end up as the middle passenger in the back seat. We don’t mind, of course, we don’t really mind. But… Drivers! Please take care of the seat belt for the middle seat before we ride cheek to cheek with two other passengers.
Vegans are forced to go through too many options when they buy milk. We have to decide if we want almond milk, rice milk, soy milk, coconut milk, hemp milk, or a combination of both. And not only that, we have to choose between vanilla, chocolate, no added sugar, and fortified options. Thus, we are sometimes puzzled by the variety of dairy-free analogues that leave us breathless with indecision.
Listen to confessions
When people find out we’re vegan, they feel obligated to tell us what and when they ate. Often vegans are used as a confessor, friends are quick to confide in us: “I almost never eat red meat anymore”, or “I was thinking about you last night, unfortunately I did eat fish.” And we try to support them so that they can move towards more conscious eating, we really want these people to imitate us, not confess to us. I guess it’s good that others are seeking our approval and our blessing, as it probably means they think we’re on the right track. But we want to say to these people: “This is a wide enough path for everyone! Join us!”