It is easy to spoil the first impression when meeting. Especially if you are an introvert and your interlocutor is an extrovert. How do we repel each other and can we later change our minds about a new acquaintance?
You come to visit and see a lot of new people that you have yet to meet. You look at them – and your gaze instantly grabs someone with whom you definitely won’t communicate today! How did you determine this and why, without even talking with a new acquaintance, do you immediately refuse to communicate?
The answer may lie on the surface if you are an introvert, and the one whom you immediately identified as a person unsuitable for communication is an extrovert, says behavioral analyst Jack Schafer.
“Extroverts seem self-confident, brash, assertive and arrogant to introverts. Introverts, from the point of view of extroverts, are boring and quiet, unadapted to society, ”says Schafer. And no matter what you say, no matter how you behave in the future, all your actions will be considered through the prism of the first impression.
We like it when those around us share our outlook on life. So it turns out that extroverts and introverts often initially do not have warm feelings for each other. The attention of the former is attracted by the external world, the latter keep their inner experiences in focus. In addition, the main source of energy for an extrovert is communication with others, while an introvert, waking up in the morning with a “fully charged battery”, is completely depleted by the evening due to contact with others. And in order to gain strength, he needs silence – and preferably a little loneliness.
think, hear, speak
It is the differences in lifestyle and worldview that can cause discomfort between two people who are at different “poles”, says Jack Schafer.
Unlike extroverts, who calmly and sometimes gladly tell others about their experiences, introverts are rarely ready to share their feelings. And the irritation caused by sociable acquaintances can accumulate inside them for a very long time. And only when the introvert can no longer restrain himself, he presents the extrovert with a list of his “sins”. And it can be quite extensive!
Many extroverts like to finish the phrases that the interlocutor says.
How do extroverts upset introverts when it comes to the first meeting?
They tend to say what they think without much concern for the feelings of others. Introverts, on the other hand, often first think about whether to voice their thoughts, and do not really understand how you can ignore the experiences of others.
In addition, many extroverts like to finish the phrases that the interlocutor says. Introverts, on the other hand, prefer to intersperse their speech with pauses in order to hone their thoughts, to bring them to perfection. And they certainly do not allow themselves to think for others. When the extrovert suddenly interrupts the interlocutor and finishes his phrase, the introvert feels disappointed.
Give one more chance
Unfortunately, the first impression is very difficult to change, the expert emphasizes. And if at the beginning of communication we have a negative impression of the other, we are unlikely to want to continue the conversation or meet with him again. And without a repeated, more fruitful and pleasant meeting, there can be no talk of any changes.
There is another important circumstance. Once we have a first impression of someone, it becomes difficult for us to change our mind. After all, to admit that the interlocutor may not be so bad is to agree that we made a mistake in our judgments. And, staying true to the first impression, we feel much less anxiety than if we decided to admit that we were wrong, the expert is sure.
Understanding how different types of people communicate will help us connect with others.
How can we apply this knowledge in real life? First, if we keep in mind the difference in behavior between extroverts and introverts, we will be less worried about the reasons why we don’t like someone. Maybe he’s just “from a different sandbox”.
Second, understanding how different types of people communicate will help us connect with others. Perhaps we will become more careful about others or be able to come to terms with the peculiarities of their communication.
About the Author: Jack Schafer is a behavioral analyst.