In everyone’s life there are periods when goals seem unattainable, and efforts are futile. Recession periods last more than one day and happen more than once, sometimes nullifying all aspirations. How to deal with yourself? How to take another step? A few simple but effective ways will help not to lose faith in yourself.
“Everything is bad with me, I’m already 25, and nothing has been done for eternity”, “another year has passed, and I’m still not a millionaire / not a Hollywood star / not married to an oligarch / not a president / not a Nobel laureate.” Such thoughts visit a person who is faced with a crisis, which in psychology is called existential.
The distance between ambition and reality seems insurmountable. There comes a feeling that life is lived in vain, not at all the way you wanted. Year after year, dreams remain just dreams and no significant changes occur. Familiar feeling?
Although the situation may seem hopeless, there is a recipe for overcoming the crisis. It is field-tested and includes only four steps.
1. Recall that such periods have happened before. There were falls, and after them — ups, and you coped. So this is a temporary state that will pass. Analyze how you managed to get out of the impasse last time, what you did, what you did not do. Periods of despair do not kill, but give ground for reflection — what can you do to move further towards your intended goal?
2. Compare: what did you dream about a year ago, what do you have now? The success of others is always noticeable. From the outside it seems that other people achieve everything faster. The trick is simple: everything that surrounds you is right in front of your eyes, so changes are not visible and it seems that there is no progress.
To properly evaluate your efforts, find an old photo and compare it to what you see now. Do you remember what life was like a year ago? What problems did you solve, what goals did you set, at what level were you? Perhaps, earlier you could not afford butter for bread, but today you are worried that the pearls are small?
That is why it is so important to remember your previous stage and compare with the current one. Any progress? Then you dreamed of getting what you have now? Learn not to underestimate your accomplishments.
3. Imagine that your success increases exponentially. Every day, the number of steps taken is multiplied by a fixed number. For example, today you are on cell 1, tomorrow 1 x 2, the day after tomorrow 2 x 2. And then — to cell 8, then — 16, and immediately to 32. Each next step is not equal to the previous one. Each result multiplies the previous one only if you purposefully move in one direction. This is what allows you to achieve grandiose results, even if at the beginning there was only one. Therefore, when the wave of despondency begins to roll up again, remember that a geometric progression will inevitably lead to a result. The main thing is not to stop.
4. Use the «small steps» technique. To evaluate its effectiveness, first let’s talk about the hormones — dopamine and serotonin. Imagine that you are at point A and look at your cherished goal, which is waiting at point Z, and there is an abyss between them. The point I is too far from the start, too unrealistic and unattainable, and this causes apathy and depression.
Why? Because the body refuses to give energy to «unprofitable» actions. “It’s impossible,” the brain says and turns off activity in this direction. Dopamine is responsible for motivation and active actions in our body. This is the so-called “hormone that promises happiness”, it brings pleasure from the anticipation of the reward, from the process of moving towards the goal.
It is dopamine that makes you go forward, but if for some time the actions do not bring an obvious result, the goal is still far away, serotonin is connected. This hormone is released when you receive the promised reward. If the road to the goal becomes too long, the level of serotonin drops, and dopamine drops after it. It turns out that since there is no reward, there is no motivation, and vice versa: there is no motivation, there is no reward.
You are disappointed: nothing will work out, it’s time to stop. What to do?
Learn the art of «small steps». It is easy to see that between the starting point A and the destination I there are many other equally important letters, for example, B, C and G. Each of them is responsible for a specific cell. The first step is taken, and now you are on B, the second is taken, and you are already on G. If you do not keep the inaccessible point I in front of your eyes all the time, but concentrate on the nearest point, then you can avoid the dopamine-serotonin trap.
Then, having taken a step, you will be where you wanted to be, and you will be satisfied. Serotonin brings rewards, you feel the joy of success, and the brain gives the go-ahead for the next dose of dopamine. It would seem simple and clear: go in small steps, without straining over long distances. Why do some succeed and some don’t? The fact is that many people try to immediately get to the point I, skipping all the other small goals on the way to it.
Be patient and you will win. Praise yourself for every small victory, celebrate every small progress, and remember that everything is possible, but not immediately.