Brothers and sisters: is there an ideal age gap?

It is through contact with siblings that we learn to defend ourselves, to love and hate at the same time. Is there an ideal age gap between siblings, who would have a positive influence on their relationship? Parents asked this question to Elisabeth Darchis, clinical psychologist. 

PARENTS: What to think of siblings of close ages?

Elisabeth Darchis : When the children are one or two years apart, the parents are in great demand. The eldest child has not always had time to come out of the parental fusion that another occupies his place. But if the parents continue to give him enough attention, he can live it very well. The children will then grow up together, with common interests conducive to complicity.

What if the gap is at least three years?

Elisabeth Darchis : It is less burdensome for the parents because the eldest is more independent; but the baby takes the parents back to the time of diapers. Around 3 years old, the child opens up to others. He is fit to experience the arrival of a baby. He may feel it as a rivalry, but with the help of the parents, he will be able to overcome it. If he is in elementary school, he may be happy to help his parents and identify with them.

What to expect if there is at least ten years of difference?

Elisabeth Darchis : The interests diverge, but the little one can see the older one as a role model. The latter is no longer in the merger with his parents. He knows that this birth will not take their love away from him. In general, he welcomes the baby as wealth. If he’s a tall 17-year-old, he can be pushed around. It may remind him of his parents’ sexuality when he himself would be fit to procreate. Parents are losing their freedom, but it is also the pleasure of the last time. 

Finally, there is no ideal age gap. It’s how parents experience it and how they care for everyone that matters.

* co-author of “Brothers and Sisters: between complicity and rivalry”, ed. Nathan.

Interview: Dorothée Blancheton