Bad habits we instill in our children

Children are our mirror. And if the mirror in the fitting room can be “crooked”, then the kids reflect everything honestly.

“Well, where does this come from in you!” – exclaims my friend, catching a 9-year-old daughter on another attempt to fool her mother.

The girl is silent, her eyes downcast. I am also silent, an unwitting witness of an unpleasant scene. But one day I will still muster up the courage and instead of the child I will answer the angry mother: “From you, my dear.”

No matter how pretentious it may sound, we are role models for our children. In words, we can be as correct as we like, they absorb first of all our actions. And if we instill that lying is not good, and then we ourselves ask to tell grandmother on the phone that mom is not at home, forgive me, but this is a policy of double standards. And there are many such examples. We, without noticing it, instill in children very bad habits and character traits. For example…

If you can’t tell the truth, just keep quiet. There is no need to hide behind a “lie to save you”, you will not even have time to look back, as it will fly to you like a boomerang. Today you will not tell your dad together how much money you spent in the mall, and tomorrow your daughter will not tell you that she received two deuces. Of course, only so that you do not worry, how could it be otherwise. But you are unlikely to appreciate such self-care.

“You look great,” say to your face with a radiant smile.

“Well, and a cow, they don’t show her a mirror, or something,” add behind her back.

Smile into the eyes of your mother-in-law and scold her as soon as the door closes behind her, say in your hearts: “What a goat!” about the child’s dad, flattering a friend and laughing at her while she is not around – which of us is without sin. But first of all, throw a stone at yourself.

“Dad, mom, there are kittens. There are a lot of them, let’s take out the milk for them. ” Two boys of about six years old were rushing from the basement window of the house to their parents with a bullet. Children accidentally found a cat family on a walk.

One mom shrugged her shoulders: think, stray cats. And she took away her son looking around in frustration – it’s time to go on business. The second looked at mom with hope. And she did not disappoint. We ran to the store, bought cat food and fed the kids.

Attention, the question: which of the children received a lesson in kindness, and who received an inoculation of indifference? You don’t have to answer, the question is rhetorical. The main thing is that in forty years your child does not shrug his shoulders at you: just think, elderly parents.

If you promised to go to the cinema with your child on the weekend, but today you are too lazy, what will you do? The majority, without hesitation, will cancel the cult trip and will not even apologize or make excuses. Just think, today we missed the cartoon, we’ll go in a week.

And it will be big mistake… And the point is not even that the child will be disappointed: after all, he has been waiting for this trip all week. Worse, you showed him that your word is worthless. The owner is a master: he wanted – he gave it, he wanted – he took it back. In the future, firstly, you will not have faith, and secondly, if you do not keep your word, it means that he can be, right?

My son graduated from the first grade. In the kindergarten, somehow God had mercy on him: he was lucky with the cultural environment. I can’t tell you about the words he sometimes brings from school (with a question, they say, what does that mean?) – Roskomnadzor won’t understand.

Guess where, for the most part, the rest of the 7-8-year-olds bring obscene vocabulary to the team? In 80 percent of cases – from the family. After all, on their own, without adult supervision, children rarely walk, which means that they will not be able to blame their ill-mannered peers. Now you have to think what to do, since the child began to swear.

My son has a boy in his class, whose mother did not submit a penny to the parent committee: “The school must provide.” And in the New Year there was a scandal why her son was cheated with a gift (which she did not give, yeah). Her little son already sincerely believes that everyone owes him. You can take anything you want without asking: if in the class, then everything is common.

If the mother is sure that everyone owes her, the child is also sure of this. Therefore, he can run over the elder, and with bewilderment at the grandmother in the transport look: why should I still give up some place, I paid for him.

And how to respect a teacher if mom herself says that Anfisa Pavlovna is a fool and a hysterical woman? This will certainly be rewarded to you. After all, disrespect for parents grows out of disrespect for everyone else.

We in no way suspect you of stealing in front of children. But … remember how often you take advantage of other people’s mistakes. Rejoice if you managed to travel on public transport for free. You are not trying to return the found someone else’s wallet. Keep silent when you see that the cashier cheated in the store in your favor. Yes, even – trite – you grab a cart with someone else’s coin in a hypermarket. You also rejoice out loud at the same time. And for the child, in this way, such shenanigans also become the norm.

Once, my son and I crossed a narrow road at a red light. I can now make excuses that it was a very small alley, there were no cars on the horizon, the traffic light was prohibitively long, we were in a hurry … no, I won’t. I’m sorry, I agree. But, perhaps, the child’s reaction was worth it. On the other side of the road, he looked at me with horror and said: “Mom, what have we done ?!” I quickly wrote something like “I wanted to test your reaction” (yes, a lie to save us, we are all not saints), and the incident was settled.

Now I am sure that I raised the child correctly: he is angry if the speed in the car is exceeded by at least five kilometers, he will always walk to the pedestrian crossing, never cross the road on a bicycle or scooter. Yes, his categorical nature is not always convenient for us, adults. But on the other hand, we know that safety rules are not an empty phrase for him.

Odes can be written about this. But just to be clear: do you really believe you can teach a child to eat healthy while chewing on a smoked sausage sandwich? If so, hats off to your belief in yourself.

It’s the same with other aspects of a healthy lifestyle. Sports, less time with the phone or the TV – yeah, now. Have you seen yourself?

Just try to listen to yourself from the outside. The boss is bad, he is busy with work, there is not enough money, the bonus has not been paid, it is too hot, too cold … We are always dissatisfied with something. In this case, where does the child get an adequate assessment of the world around him and himself? So don’t get angry when he starts telling you how bad things are with him (and he will). Praise him better, preferably as often as possible.

Ridicule instead of compassion – where does it come from in children? Mocking classmates, persecuting the weak, taunting those who are different: not dressed like that, or maybe due to illness or injury, it looks unusual. This is also not out of the void.

“Let’s get out of here,” the mother tugs at her son’s hand, a disgusting grimace on her face. It is necessary to quickly take the boy out of the cafe, where a family with a disabled child has arrived. And then the child will see the ugliness, it will sleep badly.

Maybe it will. But he will not disdain to take care of a sick mother.

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