Contents
“Asexuals live love emotionally but without sex”
Sexuality
Asexuals live their love and their relationship in an emotionally intense way, but without sex, because they don’t feel like it and they don’t feel the need
As pleasant and good for health as it is, many find it hard to believe that some people live without sex. And we are not talking about those who do not have with whom to share those ‘little moments’, but about those who by their own decision do not carry out the sexual act, whether or not they have a partner.
And the asexuality is a very loaded concept: on the one hand, sexologists affirm that it is and should be recognized as a sexual orientation important, as are heterosexuality, homosexuality, and bisexuality. Instead, another camp sees it as a ‘low libido’ or a generalized type of hypoactive sexual desire disorder.
But first of all, as requested by the psychologist and sexologist Silvia Sanz, author of the book ‘Sexamor’, it must be clarified that the term asexual refers to those people who do not have sexual attraction and they do not feel desire neither towards women nor towards men. That does not mean that they will not share their life with someone. «They live their love and their relationship in an intense emotional way, but without sex, because they don’t feel like it and they don’t have the need. They can feel attraction and even sexual arousal and it is not the same as having low libido, nor is it caused by trauma or medical problems, nor do they repress their sexual desires “, says the expert.
And it should not be confused with abstinence or celibacy, where there is a deliberate decision to abstain from having sex in the first case and not to have sex, or marriage, or relationships in the second.
It’s a problem?
Sexual orientation is not a fixed thing and variability is a natural element when it comes to sexual orientation, so it doesn’t have to be something you adopt on any given day and stick with it forever. Asexuals lack sexual desire, but they can experience a romantic orientation. This means that they may not have sexual feelings, but some of them want to seek love.
Asexual people can have sex through masturbation or with a partner. They just don’t feel sexually attracted to people, they feel no desire. It is a sexual orientation or a lack of it. There can be different degrees of asexuality, from the absolute ones to those who have sex with love ”, clarifies Silvia Sanz.
While absolute asexuals are indifferent and even dislike because they don’t find it attractive, asexual people who have sex simply they enjoy it with an emotional meaning towards the couple, a physical act more like any other. “They live it as a romantic relationship for them,” says the psychologist.
And you ask yourself, isn’t this a problem if our partner wants sex and we don’t? Silvia Sanz explains that it is not a problem as long as it is agreed with the person with whom the relationship is shared: «As when we have sex, it is appropriate to fit in with our partner the frequency we want to practice sexual intercourse or have a similar libido so as not to fall into imbalances, within asexual relationships there must be an agreement when it comes to sharing their love, their company, their projects and other activities in their life without pleasing themselves through sex.
If the two members of the couple share asexuality, accept it and do not perceive it as a frustration or problem, it is a healthy and balanced relationship. “Of course, it is much easier than if one is asexual and the other is not,” acknowledges Silvia Sanz.
Of course, when this balance does not occur, it can generate a conflict if it is not accepted or is not compensated in any way.
In order to find the balance, according to the expert, communication is important, understanding the other and knowing what are the limits that each one can come to assume within the relationship. “When a person is asexual it means that there is a lack of sexual attraction, not that the other member of the couple is unattractive. Most of the people who are asexual, distinguish and separate sex from love, “he concludes.