Childhood opposition can manifest itself in different ways. If he rolls on the ground, answers all your questions only with “no” and cries out crying without being able to explain what he is feeling, then it is likely that he is in an opposition “crisis”. These signs prove that he is gradually discovering his individuality. He is torn between the urge to do things on his own and the need to be helped by his parents. This contradictory state can destabilize parents who, despite their best efforts, fail to understand what the child really wants.

By discovering that he is independent and that he has his own desires and his own emotions, the child seeks to know his limits but also yours. It is shared between different feelings: to leave or to stay, to want or to refuse, etc. Difficult then for the parents to help him and to satisfy him.

Sometimes it only takes a few minutes for him to trick his parents into getting what he wants. By creating a crisis, he knows that it can be a way to get what he wants, it is a test that he gives to the adults around him. Moreover, his crises do not have the same duration and the same intensities depending on the relatives concerned.

But these crises can also and quite simply reflect the state of stress and child fatigue. Indeed, if he feels bad, tired, if he is hungry or if he feels isolated and misunderstood, he may resort to crying and screaming to attract attention and ask for help.

Faced with dilemmas that he cannot resolve, his anger and frustration take over and lead to rather violent crises. By discharging himself in this way, the child releases this rage that he can no longer control and that he cannot yet express verbally. Sometimes it’s just to get a treat or a toy that he’ll start a fit. By entering into a power struggle with the reference adult, he hopes to obtain the object of his desire or to be heard.

Giving in is an admission of weakness that the child will soon use regularly. You must therefore be firm, including in public when the situation seems shameful and / or insoluble and even if the place is not ideal to isolate it. It is also a limit which is necessary for him. Indeed, to structure himself, the child needs to come up against the firmness of his parents and their limits. He must get to know frustration and integrate it into the feelings he will have to apprehend in his future life. Many parents do not dare to set limits for fear of “hurting” their child, yet to be happy, the child needs to feel safe while evolving in an environment where rules are imposed.

However, you must give it space and support it in its quest for independence. For example, let him take initiatives on a daily basis, show him the actions to be reproduced, while encouraging him when it is his turn.

Finally, try to divert his attention if you feel the crisis is imminent. For example, offer to play or sing. This will make it easier to relieve the pressure and avoid a major crisis. And so that the situation does not escalate too much, never yell at him. Instead, stay calm and talk to him. Faced with the soothing tone of one of his parents, the child will find it easier to calm down and listen attentively to what you have to say to him.

With the control of speech and the possibility of expression of the child, these crises tend to dry up on their own. It is therefore around the age of 3 that the little one manages to speak to defuse his discomfort. However, the crying and screaming does not go away. They are simply reduced in duration and intensity and now leave room for a possible discussion and verbalization of his emotions.

With experience, parents anticipate risky situations with regard to their child’s temper tantrums. It is therefore much easier for them to limit the damage and prevent it. But if the child goes into crisis, don’t panic. Stand firm and do not give in to it, it is only continuing its normal development by finding out what it is or is not allowed to do.