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You can be in a relationship with a selfish person for years, but not even know about it – simply because he skillfully “covers his tracks”: it is in his interests that you stay close as long as possible. He knows exactly how much you can take without going too far. However, there are several ways to calculate it.
1. He has a lot of buddies, but few friends.
Most likely, such a person has a whole network of acquaintances – each of them will come in handy someday – but there are few friends: for real, deep, lasting friendship, you need not only to take, but also to give, and the egoist is not capable of this (we will talk about this a little bit later).
But he is the soul of the company and it may seem to us that we are really very nice to him. We realize too late that we are kept “at hand” in case anything is needed from us.
2. He never asks for anything directly.
Egoists are real masters of subtle manipulation: such a person receives from others what he needs, seemingly without asking for anything. An egoist, for example, will not directly ask for your jacket and will not offer to move from the terrace to the enclosed space – no, she will only shiver a few times and complain that she is cold. The point is that others do not understand that they have an egoist in front of them, requiring everyone to dance to his tune. And this happens all the time.
3. He hurts others
For an egoist, the priority is himself, and the rest of the people are pawns, which, if anything, are not a pity to lose. Therefore, he easily breaks these promises, forgets about appointments and dates, jokes caustically, not caring about the feelings of others.
Of course, everyone hurts, offends and hurts each other from time to time, but egoists do it all the time – not on purpose, but simply because they don’t bother to think about what it will be like for you from their words and actions.
4. He seems to have an amazing life.
All of us are often forced to make compromises, give in to others in some ways, and at least sometimes give up our own interests (within reasonable limits). Egoists, meanwhile, know exactly what they want and get it, no matter how.
If there is someone in your environment who has achieved dizzying success, perhaps the whole point is in his talents and hard work – but maybe in the fact that the person just walked over their heads (this is easy to track by the number of “victims” around). For an egoist, other people are just tools and “stepping stones” on the way to the top.
5. He gives nothing in return
At least, just like that: as we have already said, the egoist “sees the goal, believes in himself, does not notice obstacles,” and everything he does should bring him closer to his goal. Again, we all sometimes do not want to do certain things or keep our word: for example, to wash the dishes as promised, or to lend friends a car for the weekend. But we, as a rule, in the end take it and do it, and the egoists must first understand what benefit they get from this.
If you want to understand for sure if your friend or partner is not an egoist, ask him for a big favor: the egoist will definitely find a “good” reason not to help you or ask for something in return. Of course, there are practically no completely disinterested people among us – we are all a little selfish. It’s human nature and nothing can be done about it. And this knowledge helps to forgive others for their selfish behavior.
However, it is really difficult with a real egoist – we give him all our energy and time again and again, we do not receive anything in return and we wonder when it will end. The answer is simple: never. As long as the egoist needs you, he will continue to take from you.
Yes, such a person can be damn charming. You may think that you are really good friends. Admitting that you are being manipulated can be difficult. But the sooner you realize this, the sooner you can let go of these toxic relationships and surround yourself with people you want to support, knowing that they will always support and help in return.