13-year-old daughter Ksenia and two other classes of teenage students raised the singer as an authoritative expert on transitional age. Alena gave our readers advice on how to easily find a common language with big children.
February 16 2015
For several years on Tuesdays, the singer has been teaching music at the school where her daughter is studying.
– The main reason why I decided on this was because Ksyusha did not like the subject. That my daughter can’t play the piano is nonsense. Over the course of the year, her attitude towards music has changed. For the whole class, the first joy was with my arrival that they did not sing. Because singing is always present in the school curriculum. And for children this is a wild horror, because by the 5th-6th grade there already exists a certain line, either built by parents or by children suffered through suffering – whoever needs it, he sings anyway. So for them it was an unearthly joy that they come, listen to music, argue with me. After all, my lessons are not entirely classical, I do not give them grades, I do not require homework, I just teach them to listen to music. You cannot, of course, teach you to love, but at least listen and understand it.
The singer says that she does not have any kind of pedagogical system or methodology. But constant communication with adolescents helped to deduce trouble-free rules of upbringing. Here they are.
1. Do not meddle with advice ahead of time… Before, I looked at my daughter like in a mirror. It was scary. But in vain I was afraid. By the age of 13, Ksenia became a self-sufficient person. With all her artistic qualities, she turned out to be a person absolutely indifferent to acting, stage, fame. I thought I would dissuade her from this path, but she does not even start talking. And if even in passing the topic arises, Ksenia makes round eyes, they say, mind me, mind you. I don’t know how to relate to this. On the one hand, I was going to dissuade her from going my way. On the other hand, how many advices and parting words she could give! Ksenia’s friends listen to me with their mouths open, they perceive every word as something valuable, and I am ready for such conversations, but my daughters … they are not needed.
2. Take your time to explain everything – you will lose confidence… And what should I tell her when she wants to become either a FSB officer or a neurosurgeon? I can’t help her in these professions. Ksyusha thinks she likes biology and medicine, but I doubt she understands how much hellish work it will take. You will have to cram and cram for years. To explain this is to lose a good attitude. Ksyusha shrugs off, they say, I say some nonsense, but I think: “Poor girl, how difficult it will be for her further.”
3. Be careful with frank conversations… Before my eyes 50 children are growing up (two classes in which Apina teaches music. – Approx. “Antenna”), and all develop in different ways, albeit the same age. Some are still babies, but there are also girls whose breasts are already larger than mine. Of course, now it is difficult for them to understand what is going on physiologically. One girl I knew came to her mother with tears: “I want to be like before. I don’t like this new body. ” And I understand her, everything is different. It is difficult for children to express this, they just feel bad, and here we are with parting words. And they become such thorny hedgehogs. Therefore, for the time being, I try to be careful with my child in frank conversations. I understand that I am walking on thin ice.
4. Negotiate without ultimatums… Thank God, my daughter and I are still able to do this. We do not have “do it – get it” rules. Maybe partly because everything is there. Sixth iPhone, iPad, clothes. And it has little value to her. Dad and I are not really holding ourselves back. Well, we can afford, why not? From time to time we start talking about the fact that in the future she should buy cool phones and tablets for herself. But our dad is sure that the girl does not need to study, it is enough to marry successfully. And I say in my ear: “Well, yes, and then he will find himself another, and how will you live?” Therefore, Ksenia came to the conclusion that, just in case, you need to be able to do something, get a profession
5. Take “weak”… The other day Ksyusha surprised me – she made pancakes. And now to the reply “How can you marry, you don’t know how to do anything” proudly replies: “The husband will eat pancakes”. “But he won’t come in your door,” I laugh.
6. Personal life will appear soon… Don’t panic. Yes, my dad and I are seriously preparing for this future. My husband is trying, albeit with difficulty, to imagine how some hairy man will wander around our house. When he voiced, I was horrified: some kind of nightmare, but after all, someday it will happen. And we must be treated differently. The consolation is that everything we just talked about will not happen tomorrow.
7. Do not teach, but learn… As one boy said about my daughter: “There is no chance there.” Doesn’t know how to be a darling with guys yet. Strict Xenia. At her age, I would have worried about this, but she would not. Children are different now. We, parents, want to invest so much in them. But in fact we learn ourselves – they have a completely different, cosmic wisdom, consciousness …
8. It’s too early to argue about Chekhov, discuss Steve Jobs… There are teenagers who read voraciously. And there are those who do not read, like my Ksenia, but they have no less information and life observations. It’s just that the sources are different – electronic. It is still difficult for me to realize this. For example, they recently passed Chekhov at school. We rode in the car and listened to the story “Diplomat” together. After every line I have a lot of fun. She doesn’t understand: “What’s so funny?” It’s even a shame – after all, this is my beloved Chekhov! But I have to give up. Children today have forgotten how to talk, communicate via SMS, Whats-ups, Instagram. And they constantly take pictures of themselves. Ksyusha has so many selfies! Put on a new dress – click, made a new hairstyle – click. Maybe this is not so bad, who knows … But I do not yet have a clear answer to the question of what Steve Jobs did with our generation of children.
Ksenia Iratova, 13 years old: I remember well that when I was three years old, I looked at my mother on TV and tried to talk to her, to talk about my affairs. Until now, I have no secrets from my mother. Some children do not tell their parents anything, but my mother and I are friends. Maybe that’s why my mother trusts me and permits a lot. For example, I have a page on a social network. I have many friends there, we are constantly texting. These are mainly my classmates or just acquaintances, as well as girls from rhythmic gymnastics. We discuss our school assignments, we compete who will do it faster. I don’t understand parents who forbid children to surf the Internet. We can no longer do without it. Thanks to my mother that she understands this.