Contents
- 1. After a breakup, you seek to better understand how the relationship works.
- 2. If you need help, you go to therapy.
- 3. You don’t follow a string of failed relationships.
- 4. You suffer after a breakup and maybe blame yourself.
- 5. You are capable of genuinely apologizing.
- 6. You don’t follow your ex’s lives with maniacal persistence.
- 7. You read this article
There is so much written and talked about narcissists today that some of us wonder if they themselves could be included in this category, especially if there is a history of toxic relationships and exit from them. When something goes wrong in a couple, we are often so confused that we no longer understand who we are. Here are a few signs to help make sure you’re not a narcissist.
Does a narcissist live in each of us? To a certain extent, and in everyday life, yes. And this is not bad: self-confidence and high self-esteem have never interfered with anyone. At the same time, one must understand that people who truly suffer from narcissistic personality disorder are fixated solely on themselves and are not able to take into account the feelings of others.
After a hard breakup, it’s easy to start suspecting yourself of anything, including narcissism. Was it really about us? What if we concentrated too much on ourselves and stopped hearing our partner? Here are seven signs that, when breaking up, will help you understand that you are not a narcissist and this was not at all the reason for the breakup.
1. After a breakup, you seek to better understand how the relationship works.
After a breakup, you try to figure out what happened and why, to understand how what started so well ended so badly. You immerse yourself in reading literature and talking to experts. In addition, you want to know why you are in such pain and pain right now. Narcissus, on the other hand, is completely uninterested in delving into all this — he knows that he did everything right, and the problem was in the partner.
2. If you need help, you go to therapy.
When you feel bad, you seek help, and narcissists usually do not. If the narcissist nevertheless begins to go to psychotherapy, then exactly until he realizes that the therapist is “not” good enough, smart, understanding. Or until he feels that the specialist is about to expose him.
3. You don’t follow a string of failed relationships.
Most likely, you already have the experience of parting behind you. You’ve been in a relationship before where something went wrong. For narcissists, the same scenario is repeated in every relationship. Since they are not capable of love and at the same time constantly need self-affirmation and to be adored, they are not able to build close relationships. For a while, they splurge, pretending to be gentle and loving, but usually evaporate before they are unmasked.
4. You suffer after a breakup and maybe blame yourself.
Heightened anxiety, flashbacks, panic and even paranoia — a difficult breakup for most of us does not go unnoticed. It takes time to get through it. Most likely, you are afraid to accidentally run into somewhere with a former partner — even in the open spaces of social networks. Any mention of him upsets you.
At the same time, you are trying to rethink your behavior and your role in the relationship, to understand what you did wrong and whether it was possible to do otherwise in order to save the union. These moments are extremely important to work out so that they do not prevent you from building new relationships.
Narcissists, on the other hand, experience one of two emotions after a breakup: happiness if they themselves left a partner after meeting someone “better”, or anger if they broke up with them. If his ego is hurt, the narcissist can become obsessed with the idea of revenge, so after a breakup, you should stay away from him.
5. You are capable of genuinely apologizing.
Even if the narcissist asks for forgiveness, he is not driven by remorse at all, but by some kind of self-interest. But partners of narcissists have to apologize all the time — for this, for another, for the third, and sometimes even to do it just to keep the peace in the family.
6. You don’t follow your ex’s lives with maniacal persistence.
The first time after a breakup, most of us sneak peeks into the life of an ex-partner, but for narcissists, this “first time” never ends. And it’s not that the narcissist still loves this person (most likely, he doesn’t know how to love at all), it’s just his way of self-affirmation.
It is important for the narcissist to make sure that he could get his partner back if he wanted to. Sometimes attempts to do this go on for years. The only reason to stay in contact with such a person is if you have children in common with him.
7. You read this article
Obviously, but nevertheless: a narcissist will not read publications about narcissism — simply because he likes everything about himself, and there is no need to work on himself. So, most likely, if you have read this material to the end, the test has been successfully passed.