20 hidden causes of excess weight

Reason number 1. Giving weight, significance

The need for excess weight appears in childhood, when the child begins to eat more so that they pay attention to him. It’s bigger, which means it’s more noticeable.

“Such cases happen during hypo-custody, if the parents, especially the mother, do not give the child enough attention and love. Sometimes this reason works in adolescence. A teenager subconsciously eats weight, grows fat in order to take up more space in space, the psychoanalyst explains. — More often this happens with sibling competition. And the unloved child is overgrown with volumes.

When he becomes an adult, the habit of attracting attention to himself in this way remains. It is also possible to win a victory over a brother or sister in the war for parental attention if its consequence, illness, is added to the fullness. Then parents are forced to take care and switch to a sick son or daughter.

Reason number 2. Protection from aggression

Excess weight is armor, body armor. “This is such a metaphorical protective suit that a child and then an adult “put on” so as not to feel the pain of aggression. You are beaten with a belt or attacked emotionally, and here is a protective layer of fat, and it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. Beat, bite, shout — I don’t feel anything, ”explains Ilya Suslov.

Reason number 3. Punishment for mistakes

This is a kind of self-aggression, when excess weight becomes a punishment to oneself for mistakes, imperfections, bad behavior. “Here we hire, I’ll become fat, ugly — that’s what I need.” This is how a child unconsciously deals with guilt and shame. Then he again uses the familiar «rods» when he becomes an adult.

Reason #4: Proximity Protection

“I’m afraid to approach people, I’m afraid to be vulnerable. I will do everything to become fat and unattractive, then it will be clear to me why they do not want to communicate with me. No one will be friends with me, no one will look at me, won’t come up, won’t talk and won’t hurt, ”this is how benefit number 4 works. And as a result, eating loneliness with sweet, tasty, high-calorie foods.

Reason #5. Replacing Joy

In childhood or youth, food was the only pleasure in life. Everything was hard around: evil school teachers, and even bullying, there was no true friendship, there was not enough love and protection of parents.

“During my childhood and youth, there were no pleasures in the form of computers or smartphones, there were no video games and movies in such abundance as they are now. Rare cartoons and children’s films on two channels according to the program and screenings in the cinema, ”recalls the psychologist. Food in such cases is the most affordable way to please yourself.

Reason #6

Just as on the eve of a serious battle or prolonged fighting, an army prepares an emergency supply in case of a siege, so a child will stock up on fat for a rainy day. This day will definitely come, the child’s psyche decides, because, for example, parents swear and threaten to divorce. The father beats the mother, and she has already packed and ran away from home several times.

“When a person prepares for a battle or a siege, he involuntarily prepares supplies — like a hamster picks up food by the cheeks in order to survive hard times and survive. Sometimes a woman gets fat after a divorce, because now she has to survive alone. Or there will be a dismissal, a change of city or country of residence. Preparation for a future loss is manifested in weight gain, ”comments Ilya Suslov.

Reason number 7. Inconsolable grief

After the loss, we live through several stages and finally accept the loss and live on according to the new rules. This is ideal. But some get stuck in mourning, lingering at one stage or another because they can’t accept reality.

“One of these manifestations is subconscious identification with the deceased, or rather with some of his distinctive features or habits. For example, a beloved grandmother died, who weighed 100 kg and treated her grandson with buns and liters of fresh milk. And the grandson begins to honor her memory in such an unusual way: he consumes milk with rolls until he gains weight up to his grandmother’s 100 kg, ”the psychotherapist gives an example.

Reason number 8. Protest

In this case, too, there is a loss of relationships. But an unpleasant thin relative, who caused a lot of pain and suffering, leaves or dies. Or a mother constantly told her son or daughter: “Lose weight, don’t eat much, keep yourself in shape, why do you need this?” And then, in protest against past pressure, the child, in spite of the mother, will “freeze his ears” — gain extra pounds. And he will eat in unlimited quantities what was previously forbidden.

Reason number 9. The desire to catch up with the deceased

There is also the loss of a loved one. But in this case, already self-destructive behavior is turned on in order to die more quickly and reunite with the departed relative.

“Someone will master extreme behavior or sports, someone will drink alcohol or take drugs, and someone will start eating uncontrollably. The choice depends on what in the family, the genus had a predisposition, where it is thin — it breaks there. A person understands that being overweight is bad. But subconsciously chooses to overeat, be fat and die faster in order to join the deceased sooner.”

Reason number 10. Escape from loneliness

Food is an imitation of communication in loneliness. “This “benefit” is more characteristic of women. Some even act out a scene from their play — they set the table for two, laying food on two plates, and filling two glasses, as if it were a family or romantic dinner. As a result, they eat both for themselves and for their boyfriend, ”says Ilya Suslov.

Reason number 11. Nostalgia for the good moments of the past

Perhaps, on the way from school, the beloved grandfather turned me into a cafeteria and bought a cake or a chocolate bar with tea. These are warm memories that you want to reproduce and experience the same bliss and joy.

“It’s not bad if it happens occasionally. But if there is nothing bright in life and a person lives in the past, then he will regularly buy ice cream on his way home from work, coffee with cake or a whole bar of chocolate. Every Friday evening or on weekends, he will definitely arrange a holiday for the soul, or rather, for the body: “a gourmet’s dream”.

In fact, this will unconsciously manifest nostalgia for the joy of eating during rare festive feasts, where scarce and tasty food was the main pleasure.

Reason #12. Reward

Some obese people admit that they are accustomed to rewarding themselves for a difficult project or important work with something delicious. After all, this is how children were usually rewarded in childhood — something sweet, like animals in a circus.

“In the end, it can reach the point of absurdity. Like in the joke about a man who with great difficulty lost 5 kg and decided to celebrate it with pizza with Coca-Cola. And here it is the same: he made a deal — he praised himself with a cake that he ate alone. If every day is like “the storming of the Bastille”, then every evening is a calorie reward? After all, you can think of a lot of victories.

Reason #13. Victim

The person lives in the regime of sacrificial behavior. He is so detached from the body, his own sensations, that he does not even feel when he is satisfied. “Sometimes childhood trauma manifests itself. For example, a child was forced to finish eating, even if he was already full. Or they didn’t ask what he wanted, but stuffed him with what they considered useful or cooked with such difficulty: “I tried, I did!” As a result, such an adult does not have an understanding of a healthy lifestyle, he basically does not know how to take care of himself, ”explains the psychologist.

Reason #14

“In our family, everyone was always complete. There must be many good people. But we are kind.» Such messages are received by a child, and then by a teenager and an adult member of a large family. “When you are full, you are faithful to the traditions of the family, you accept, you are part of a large family,” explains Ilya Suslov.

Reason #15. Not wanting to be an adult

You can avoid growing up and adult obligations with the help of excess weight. “With completeness, there are often difficulties with pregnancy. And I had clients who pushed back motherhood in this way. Or men who hid behind their fullness and did not marry, because then you need to take on obligations and responsibility for the family, ”says the psychologist.

Reason #16. Pretext for defeat

“Today, only slender people are lucky — they get married, and their career develops. I’m fat, so I don’t have love or a normal job.» Something like this can be reasoned by those who find it easier to sit on the bench, gaining extra pounds and coming up with an excuse why they did not achieve success.

Reason #17. Fear of praise

To avoid praise, including for harmony and appearance, people who were over-praised and under-praised in childhood are accustomed to. The over-praised are indignant that a beautiful appearance is the main or the only thing that distinguished the child from others and for which one could praise. The under-praised do not believe the compliments of their appearance, therefore they consider themselves ugly, since no one told them otherwise in childhood. They cannot stand praise and compliments, it is easier for them to hide behind completeness and imperfection.

“Another such fear arises in families where there was more than one child. The main motto is not to stand out among brothers or sisters, so that there is no jealousy and bullying, ”comments Ilya Suslov.

Reason #18 Ancestor Trauma

If a family, a family had to go through a famine in the past, for example, the starving Volga region, a war, the blockade of Leningrad, then the descendants can eat for themselves and for the whole family, gaining extra pounds.

Reason #19

When there is a lot of unexpressed sadness, sadness in the soul, we do not allow ourselves to cry, often tears accumulate in swelling and, as a result, excess weight.

Reason #20. Terminated pregnancy or death of a pet

Here we are talking about deep psychoanalytic causes associated with grief and guilt. “I periodically encounter this with clients,” Ilya comments. — For example, the mother had an abortion or the woman herself terminated or lost the pregnancy. And she seems to continue to bear an unborn brother or sister or her own child. Moreover, the child «grows», adding kilograms to the mother.

With a height of 165 cm, one woman weighed 120 kg — twice the normal weight, because it was as if there were two people in her. She seemed to be carrying a dead child in her body. And when she heard «Lose Weight», she took it as an offer to lose a child again or have an abortion. Sometimes there are clients who «carry» the weight of their beloved dead cat or dog.