18 months – 3 years: he becomes autonomous

Parents are waiting for the age of cleanliness as impatiently as that of walking. But for different reasons: they are the great beneficiaries of this “liberation”. No need to buy diapers, goodbye bulky bags at the slightest trip! However, once again, it is the child who will decide the right moment.

The acquisition of cleanliness: to each his own pace

The language was made possible by the maturation of the vocal apparatus, the walking by that of the musculation of the legs. Likewise, the acquisition of cleanliness requires that the nervous system of the child is mature enough to allow him to control his sphincters. And he won’t be for 18 months.

Dressage, as we used to do in the past, should be avoided. Since parents know this physiological reality, the vast majority of them spare their children endless potty stations which, before age, can have negative consequences. Forcing this extra effort on him when he already has a lot to do with learning to walk is cruel and risks damaging his self-confidence, perhaps for a long time.

The newborn has absolutely no control over the reflex acts of urination and defecation. Around 4 months, he vaguely feels that something is going on in his stomach. And around 18 months, he is able to voluntarily contract his sphincters, the ring muscles located around the anus and urethra, which control its closing and opening. He first controls his anus, then his bladder.

Being able to go on the potty is not yet wanting it! The toddler will have to overcome some very natural reluctance… As we let him know, this step puts him on the “big” side. It would be better not to insist on this point, because becoming great involves for him its share of anguish, quite simply because one embarks towards the unknown. The temptation is strong to remain cautiously a “baby” (that he knows!), By keeping one of his attributes, the diaper.

He discovers new sensations: Peeing and pooping (two words that will quickly enter her everyday vocabulary), it’s nice. The practical side of mastering sphincters completely escapes him. Nothing interests him more than to experience this discovery.

He is unaware of the functioning of his organs, he doesn’t even know he has any. Until 4 years old, he does not feel the intestinal transit. What comes out of him is, in his mind, a part of himself that he loses. Seeing your stools disappear in the vortex of the toilet flushes this worry: it is better to avoid showing it to him, at least at first.

He realizes the importance of the stake. To make it an obsession would give cleanliness an inordinate importance. Your child would be worried. And you would provide him with a leverage: he would know that he could upset you by delaying this acquisition. However, it is never healthy to allow a power game to take hold.

He matches his attitude on yours. From your behavior when you change him, he has long understood whether you regard his needs as natural or, on the contrary, as disgusting. If he feels relaxed, so will he. If you make it a taboo, he might conclude that it is something dirty; and even worse, that what’s going on around that area is dirty. If that doesn’t bother you, leave the bathroom door open from time to time when you go there: finding that everyone is using it will reassure him.

18 months, pot time

At 18 months, the time has come to finally buy a jar. Make this purchase together, and let him choose the color, if he wants. But don’t be seduced by fancy pots, think above all about its stability and choose an ergonomic, simple and robust model.

Install the pot in its place, that is, in the toilet. Of course, your child, who has understood that this new object is his, will want to make it his own by handling it, lugging it around the house, sitting on it fully dressed… Let him gradually get to know this “ companion”. Anyway, for the moment, he does not use it.

You will explain its use to him. Or rather, since this is how he understands things, you are going to show it to him, by sitting him on it, bare buttocks, once a day, and for a very short time.

Don’t expect immediate results! Indeed, the first successes are due to chance. However, you will increase its chances by choosing a time of the day when, according to your observations, a great need may arise. If there is a result, show that it is what you expected. But don’t go overboard with congratulations. It is not a feat, but a natural act; important, of course, but nothing more.

He does not appreciate the contact of soiled diapers and now that he can, he asks you to get rid of it. This is a convincing argument to encourage it to get clean. However, it will be necessary to wait until he is 2 years old for him to warn you before it is too late … but not always early enough to reach the pot! Obviously, don’t make it a drama, but rather a subject of a joke: next time it will improve the performance.

You can leave your little one without a diaper (or even without panties) if the temperature and the environment are suitable. He then discovers the pleasure of finding himself without this accessory which is after all bulky. And this allows him to rush into the pot as soon as the need arises. However, be sure to teach her to undress, which is essential in most situations.

Dress him accordingly. The diaper, quickly lowered, is an excellent transition tool. Instead, adopt pants with an elastic waist. A model to keep for a very long time, because even if around 3 years old, he knows how to use a zipper and unbutton himself, we cannot hope that he will accomplish this maneuver quickly enough to avoid the accident. And at school, it would be even more embarrassing than at home.

Around 2 years old, he understood very well the use of the pot. One problem remains: getting ahead of the call. Around 2 and a half years, he will know how to warn you of a need and you will lead him where he is needed. Autonomy – going alone on the potty – will not arrive for 3 years. For wiping, you will still be asked until he is 4 years old, at least. Moreover, for reasons of hygiene, do not hurry to give up this treatment.

18 months-3 years: cleanliness, a hilly course

Cleanliness during the day always precedes that at night. But for how long? This remains very variable depending on the child, from a few weeks to several months.

Nighttime cleanliness depends on neurological maturity. So there is nothing you can do about it. And this is not a cause for concern: the time, more or less long, that this maturation takes, does not give any indications, good or bad, on the cognitive or motor faculties of your child.

Naps are a good time to observe. While sleeping, your child no longer exercises conscious control. You, on the other hand, stay awake. If you have found that he goes those two or so hours without leaking, try removing the diaper for the nap time. If you have to change clothes and bedding, it will be less painful for everyone.

At night, equip it with a diaper as long as needed. Everyone’s peace of mind is at stake. Perhaps he himself will give you the signal for deletion. Because without a diaper, he has experienced it, we are much better off. He also expresses you in this way that he feels ready to become “big”.

But accidents are inevitable! Day or night, unwanted pee can occur after cleanliness has seemed acquired. During the day, busy with his games, your little one does not always think of preventing the need. He forgets, quite simply, without having bad intentions. Take it with calm: it will inevitably pass.

Your child will get attached to his potty, this very personal object that it took him a long time to tame. Stable, he inspires her confidence. On the other hand, the reducer or the adapter attached to the toilet seat, on which you have to climb as best you can and maintain your balance, legs dangling, does not mean anything to him. Don’t force it. It will come, or not; many children go directly from the potty to the toilet.

You probably have a deadline in mind: school. Entry into kindergarten is in fact subject to daytime cleanliness. At the same time, it is subject to the year of birth. However, some children start school well before 3 years old, and in terms of cleanliness, it remains a little early.

You can associate it with this issue. In general, children are longing to go to school. With the “little ones” from the crèche or the day-care center, they are starting to get bored. Do not hesitate to inform him of the need to be clean to become a schoolboy. Without putting pressure on him, of course! In the grip of contradictory desires to move up to the next “grade” to take up new challenges and to remain your baby, he will perhaps make the suspense last until the last limit… allowing himself a final pee in his panties the day before back to school.

Take the easy way to school if you feel he is ready to take the plunge and has already been clean during the day. Teachers are well aware of the problem and will not hold it against any oversights in the early stages. On the other hand, if the cleanliness is really not there, be patient: the school staff is neither numerous enough, nor sufficiently equipped to assist the children at all times.

At night, no control possible ! Even if you make her systematically empty her bladder before going to bed, she does not have a huge capacity. And above all, the urge to pee only awakens very few children at this age. When that happens, he always calls you to help him satisfy her. Not very pleasant, but it is already a big step. You will help him become independent by accompanying him to the toilet, in the dark, with a flashlight. Then by leaving the lamp on his bedside table: when the time comes, proud, he will use it without calling you to help.

18 months: he is curious and unconscious

While learning to toilet, the child continues to walk. At 18 months, regardless of the age of his first steps, he is standing well. This naturally gives him confidence … Sometimes a little too much! A new period is opening, fascinating by its richness, but also trying by the attention and the patience that it will require of you.

He is curious about everything. This is not a bad thing, quite the contrary. You will encourage his appetite for discovery, which grows as these new motor skills allow him to be satisfied. But it will not only give him good ideas …

He is passionate about observing older children and he shows a very keen interest in their exploits which he may try to imitate. Keep an eye on him when he participates in group games: his mimicry could lead him to recklessness, and moreover, the oldest are not yet enough to spare your future “big”.

Unaware of its limits, he finds himself in delicate situations. Take rock climbing for example, which is both a passion and a gift for him: at this stage of his development (and up to 3 years old), he climbs with ease… but then experiences serious difficulties going down.

Fortunately, he knows fear, even if he does not yet have the notion of danger. Thus, in a situation like the one described above, it will encourage him to call for help rather than jump.

He is not wary of traps at all contained in its familiar environment. Indeed, how would he know that a chair can tip over if you grab hold of its backrest to get up? That behind the bars of the balcony between which he tries to squeeze, there is emptiness? That such a bottle contains a dangerous substance? He will not understand that there is danger until around 3-4 years old. As long as you explain it to him, because even at this age, he will not anticipate an unknown danger. The simplest: eliminate the high risk elements around him. Without making clear space. You have to leave some pitfalls, because overcoming them, and accepting the prohibitions, is also part of his learning.

Around 18 months, he entered the famous “crisis of opposition”. The prohibitions, precisely, and the instructions, he understands them better and better, but he hates them. A “no! »Frank and massive responds to many of your proposals or suggestions. And it will last up to 3 years, at least – which does not mean at all that from that age he will become perfectly obedient.

However, we must set limits and rules for his safety and to help him organize himself. At this age, the shortest instructions are the best. Do not get lost in long explanations that he would not understand. Do not overwhelm him with too many prohibitions: limit yourself to the most important ones, on which you will not give in, because it is both your credibility and his emotional security. Cunning to avoid confrontations, tiring for everyone, and which should not become a mode of communication.

2-3 years: he moves and bangs

In the early days of his new life as a walker, the little one can only hope to maintain his balance on flat ground. But, his skeleton and his muscles strengthening, he progresses at an increasing speed. Around 18 months, he evolves with a certain ease, even on an irregular ground.

Running closely follows walking. Or rather, its outline, because it is a completely different movement of the arms and legs. At around 2 years old, he owns it well.

Strengthened by his stability, he no longer looks where he sets foot. Certainly, around 18 months, he understood that he had to bend his knee and lift his leg to step over an obstacle… but he still had to be seen early enough to react.

Falls are common at this age. And most of them not serious, because they do not fall from a great height, and do so with great flexibility. From the age of 2, you no longer need to rush to pick it up: it can do it alone, regardless of the position it has landed in.

It’s up to you to measure consolation and encouragement, by trusting what you know about him. When he’s scared, he’s tired, a restorative hug is always welcome. But without dramatization. The time has indeed come to gently exit the fusional mother-child relationship, and encourage it to become independent.

If protected, a child can react in two ways. Either he resists and despite everything conquers his autonomy, for his greater good and that of his mother. Either he no longer dares to give in to his impulses, censors his initiatives, becomes fearful and, at the same time, expresses disproportionate demands on his mother.

If he seems too timid, don’t rush him. Especially not by citing more reckless comrades as an example. Better to let him master his issues and when he wants to pursue them. He’s having fun ? What is the use of wasting one’s pleasure and restraining one’s spontaneity in the name of unfounded criteria?

The child understands that he is a full person around 2 years old. He progresses in the knowledge of his body of which he can show certain parts. He knows he can influence things and people. Not as much as he would like, no doubt! But each step towards autonomy fills him with joy.

Between two and three years, he will acquire more and more ease in his movements. He who put “only” one foot in front of the other, without controlling his direction and even less his speed, will gradually know how to get around obstacles, accelerate, slow down, brake and stop without wavering.

And here he is jumping! Around 2 years old, he jumps. Six months later, he jumps with both feet. Not very high, and not on top of anything. And he does not dare to launch himself to descend from a perch, even a low one. On the other hand, he is now able to move forward in balance on a low beam, for example.

Increasing skill and autonomy: my child wants to do everything on his own!

His remarkable advances in fine motor skills will of course enrich his games. But the advancements he particularly enjoys are those that allow him to do things on his own.

Desire for autonomy, taste for imitation and the pleasure of showing what he is capable of, all of this combines to make him want more and more to perform everyday actions. Not always easy to satisfy him: his clumsiness leads to a slowness incompatible with the morning rush. However, be sure to spare some time that is suitable; you will help him not only to gain skill, but also to take his place in the house.

A new activity becomes practicable, thanks to an increasingly fine coordination of its gestures and movements: the tricycle. Exciting, but perilous, because it experiences some difficulty under braking, as it does to steer and anticipate obstacles. Don’t take your eyes off him!

Before taking action, he observed your actions a lot. He only sets out with the hope of succeeding. Perfectly or not, it doesn’t matter to him. To have understood that a hat is put on the head and to have managed to do it already satisfies him a lot… and too bad if it is upside down! Pretend you don’t notice and give him a warm compliment.

He’s an ace of undressing well before knowing how to dress. A capacity that around 2 years, it does not necessarily use at the right time! If after getting him ready for the walk you leave him alone for a moment, he may have taken off his hat and shoes (without laces), or even his coat, when you return. Not at all to annoy you but because he played with what he had on hand.

Everything is a pretext for the game. Only what amuses him motivates him. Do not thwart this disposition, which is its driving force. Despite this, he understood that actions had a purpose and also consequences.

Eating like a pig doesn’t upset him. As long as it doesn’t bother him, he doesn’t care to get dirty. If he tries to wash his teeth or hands conscientiously but with limited effectiveness, it is once again out of a taste for imitation. At 2 years old, the spoon often arrives at its destination, but the rigid reservoir bib is still recommended. It is still necessary to help him so that he absorbs a suitable quantity of food. Anticipate losses when you fill his plate. And be patient: around 3 years old, things will improve significantly.

2-3 years: from scribbling to drawing

If a small child can show a lot of perseverance and tenacity, patience is not his strong point! Realizing that he could act on things whetted his appetite. Unfortunately, not everything always works the first time, and some get annoyed loudly.

By intervening to suggest a solution, you run the risk of being rebuffed. He still loves you playing his games – but quietly, please.

His passion for construction is confirmed. With cubes, he now knows how to climb higher and higher towers. His first wooden puzzles introduced him to assembly and boxing. As his hands gain confidence, you can offer him games with finer and finer coins. Simply follow the recommended age indications on the packaging; if you offered him an unsuitable toy, he would remain unused. Because the child invariably neglects the games that keep him in check.

From 18 months, his eye finally follows the path of his hand, but the budding designer does not control his productions. So that he can observe the results of his scribbles – and make a connection between the movement of his hand and the lines drawn – give him a new sheet.

At around 2 years old, he tries to direct his route. He draws vertical lines, tangles of circles. He has mastered his starting point (“single control”), but not yet his point of arrival (“double control”), which he will do around 3 years old. Already, he has chosen a subject. Difficult to recognize, of course! But that’s it, he is launched into the drawing.

When it suits him, he diverts a toy from its use. From the elements that he begins to accumulate, he will, towards the end of his third year, build sets which will be the scene of his first imaginative games. Staging “small worlds”, such as the farm or the zoo, exercises his skill by stimulating his creativity, and improving his language.

Around 2 years old, he happily participates in tidying up his room. This goodwill is deceptive, it does not indicate that he will be ordered, but that he has learned to associate things. Grouping toys by category in baskets is an exciting game for him. This will not last, but it should be encouraged because it is a structuring activity.

18 months-3 years: language development

Language side precisely, the child will make tremendous progress during this period. It tackles a strong part: structuring. If he produces so much effort, it is not because it is important for him to speak well. But because he noted that the more clearly one expresses oneself, the better one is understood. Besides, if you do not understand exactly what he means and ask him to repeat, it annoys him.

Rather syntax or rather vocabulary? These two elements of a language are equally important to be understood. The child who proceeds by imitation will ultimately assimilate both. But tackling it head-on is a busy agenda! At first, each child, depending on his temperament, will instead concentrate on one aspect, either by producing many different words or by trying to compose sentences.

It advances in the syntax in stages. Around 20 months, the negation appears accompanying a word or a verb. Around 2 years old, three-term sentences are developed, with articles still uncertain. They will gradually be enriched while being more structured, then be linked to each other by linking words.

Speaking a lot does not necessarily mean understanding better. A precocious little talker is no more “open” than a discreet one at the same age, and will not necessarily speak better afterwards. On the other hand, a lack of comprehension, detectable by the fact that the child responds little to requests, may cause a language delay.

You will be submitted to questions. Talking gives your child the opportunity to learn about the world. The better he assimilates the information he receives, the more he becomes eager for explanations. Around 3 years old, begins the age of “why?” “. Often unexpected, even funny, his questions will surprise you with their relevance and will lead you to wonder about things that seemed obvious to you until now. Sometimes, too, their profusion will test your patience.

The articulation still leaves much to be desired. Nothing could be more normal, because the vocal apparatus is still quite immature; the child will not control all his articulators until around the age of 5-6 years. Some consonants will still pose pronunciation problems for a long time. Its progress relates first of all to new words, the old ones keeping for a time the form in which they appeared. There is only reason to worry if we notice that he is stagnating and that after 3 years his words remain incomprehensible.