Everything seemed to be going well for you, and suddenly he disappears without explanation. What’s the matter? Most often, the reason is his emotional closeness and inaccessibility.
You are fine in bed, but every time you invite him to go out with you and your friends, does he say that he is busy? This is nothing more than a sign of emotional closeness.
“Such a man is like a visitor to a car dealership who only rides on test drives, and is in no hurry to buy anything,” explains psychologist and dating coach Samantha Burns.
Yes, it is not always easy for us to deal with our emotions, but when it comes to a loved one, I would like to hope that he will always support you, as you support him. Falling in love with someone who is not ready for a serious relationship, you risk being left with a broken heart.
In order not to fall into this trap, you need to pay attention to signs of emotional coldness in a partner from the very beginning.
“Stop wasting time and energy on men who are indifferent to you. You are hardly important to him if he never calls first, never invites you anywhere, never talks about feelings. If a man is crazy about you, he will most likely want to hear your voice more often. If he communicates with you exclusively in messengers, and meets only in bed, then he is most likely not set up for close communication. Stop making excuses for his behavior,” says Samantha Burns.
Maybe he’s just shy. In this case, check him out — show your interest, flirt, speak with him in body language. If he does not «bite», apparently, you are not very interesting to him.
So, here are 11 reasons to doubt that a man is in love with you.
1. He doesn’t talk about his feelings.
He never discusses personal topics with you: fears, weaknesses, dreams, goals. And never confesses his love.
2. He only wants one thing (and it’s not love)
He seeks emotional intimacy through sex, not the other way around.
3. He says «I» instead of «we»
He always talks only about his plans for the future, thereby showing that he is not in the mood for a serious relationship.
4. He is not ready to waste time on you.
He will not change plans for the sake of meeting you. You will have to either adapt to him or cancel the date.
5. You don’t feel like you matter to him.
He does not hesitate to show disdain for you — you are clearly not the main thing in his life, and he does not hide it.
6. He does not show his attitude towards you in front of others.
He does not want to «go out» with you or even just walk down the street holding hands.
7. He keeps his personal life private.
He is not too eager to get to know your friends and family and is in no hurry to introduce you to his own.
8. He doesn’t try to please you.
He doesn’t try to please you. Usually, men in love invite you on dates, give compliments and give gifts — even if it’s a cute trinket — for no reason.
9. He doesn’t care about your interests and hobbies.
He is not ready to listen to stories about your hobbies or try to do something together that interests you.
10. He clearly dislikes your attempts to discuss a future together.
He is not ready to make joint plans and stops your attempts to talk about this topic.
11. It seems to you that he is ready to leave you at any moment.
With him, you do not have a sense of calm and confidence in the future. His actions do not match his words. No matter how beautiful speeches he makes, they mean nothing.
“If you understand that your partner is cold and closed, first try to have a serious talk with him, explain what is bothering you. If he constantly withdraws from the conversation, it’s time to make a difficult decision and end the relationship. Stop being a «good girl» who is ready to wait forever until he is finally «ripe» for something serious. This happens extremely rarely,” says Samantha Burns.
Unfortunately, many women desperately hold on to unrewarding relationships with men who do not respect, value and use them without planning anything serious. Ask yourself: Do you need this person? Do you have to compromise your principles? Are you losing self-respect? Does this relationship meet your needs and wants?
If you realize that you deserve more, calmly and kindly invite him to talk about what does not suit you. If he refuses to talk, it may be time to leave.
About the Author: Samantha Burns is a counseling psychologist and dating coach.