During sex, we completely surrender to emotions and generally forget about words. And if we talk, then at this moment we think least of all about control. So what is better — to speak or not to speak? The sexologist answers.
During sex, the partner wants to see our body, hear how good we are with him, feel us. It is in this sequence: the auditory channel of perception for the majority is in second place after the visual. And this means that it is important for a partner to hear our pleasure, passion, moans. Most men and women claim that they are turned on by the sounds made by a partner, and this directly affects the intensity of orgasm.
And vice versa — complete silence makes you tense up and doubt yourself, which can make desire fade away. As in a famous joke: they were so passionate in bed that after their sex, the whole area went out to smoke on the balcony.
But the phrases “Yes, slow down, you!”, “To the left”, the exclamation “Finally!” or a formidable «Not so!» can reduce arousal to nothing. Unfortunately, we cannot always control what we say at the most crucial moment. We are so consumed by emotions that we generally forget about the partner. And we open up for him from an unexpected side …
Before, during and after sex, you should not say:
“Come on, but quickly.”
— «Turn off the light!»
— «Well, you soon?»
“You did better yesterday.”
«You’re better than…»
— «What are you thinking about?»,
“We need to talk” and, of course, “When are we getting married?”
Male look
Here is what men themselves say about words that can ruin sex:
— “During sex, I like the words “Yes!” and further!».
“Why talk? It has to be sexy — I’ll do the rest.»
“After sex, no words are needed. Her head on my shoulder is the best thing ever.»
“In the beginning, what I love the most is humor, chatting and laughing. Without forgetting the main…”
Men correctly separate words during foreplay — they are important, during sex — this is an amateur, and words after sex.
At the beginning, compliments turn them on: talk about how beautiful your partner’s body is — especially if you think that for some reason he doubts the attractiveness of one or another part of it.
You can’t spoil a man with compliments. Feel free to say what excites you about it:
“I have wanted you so much all day. I want to drive you crazy.»
“I love to feel your strong hugs.”
«I’m burning with desire.»
With expression
Those who like it «hot» often use swear words. But before using such vocabulary in bed, try to find out how your partner will react to softer expressions, and after that you move on to the “advanced level”.
Yes, there are those who love strong expressions during sex, and, to the surprise of men, these are often girls who do not use them in normal communication.
“At first I held back: after all, we just started dating,” recalls 32-year-old Olga. — But in men I like rudeness and arrogance, and one day I gave myself free rein. But then I saw my partner’s eyes round with surprise, and the excitement fled in an instant. From him and from me.»
Between the lines
What not to do?
Firstly, you can not compare a partner with others, with those who you had before him.
Secondly, frankness in bed, as in life, has limits. For example, after the phrase “Is that all? I didn’t even have time to feel anything, ”the partner’s natural reaction will be to search not for ways to correct the situation, but for those who will feel good with him.
You can whisper “your” words to your partner at the moment of ecstasy. And then whisper them somewhere at a party or in a movie and see what effect they produce.
And, on the contrary, you shouldn’t say immediately after sex: “Well, I’ll call you” or “But we’re at work today …”
If a man himself does not express a desire to speak in the process, you should not try to talk to him.
Another important point is that the male and female brains work differently during sex. It is customary and natural for a woman to talk about her feelings, share her emotions, this does not require practically any effort from her. But the male brain most of the time works “in single-tasking mode”, and if a man has already focused on the process, it is better not to distract him.
If you bombard him with questions about how he feels, what he thinks will happen next, there is a chance to be left without sex.
And, finally, if a man himself does not express a desire to speak in the process, you should not try to talk to him. Didn’t he tell you, «It was a fantastic night»? Read between the lines.
What matters is not what is said. Sometimes what is more important is what cannot be expressed in words.