Yes, you raised us, thank you, everyone is free. Modern parents are less likely to trust grandmothers to sit with their grandchildren. It’s not at all because they don’t like babies – they do, there’s no doubt about that. But this love, like hundreds of thousands of other women of previous generations, is measured in other categories. And modern mothers are becoming more and more suspicious, they trust others less, even if they are their close people. But why? We have collected stories that can help answer this question.
Anya, son Ilya, 6 years old:
– I trust my mother Ilya unconditionally. Precisely from the point of view of her attitude to education and other things. She does not go against my principles, she tries to maintain a correct diet. He knows what I allow and what not, and does not play the game with him “We won’t tell mom.” She can pick him up from the garden, take him home, feed him. In the afternoon, put to sleep and so on. But I still can’t leave her child for more than 5-6 hours. And let him go with her, for example, to the sea – too.
Anya’s mom is 67 years old. Increasingly, Anya wants to dismiss this figure with her hands and feet, especially since her mother does not look at her age at all. But “hide in the house” does not work.
– She often gets dizzy, especially if she is in the sun for a long time, – says Anya. – From time to time, my legs hurt, the pressure jumps. She has difficulty getting out of bed due to a sore back. Moreover, day after day does not happen: then everything is good, then suddenly it is bad. Well, how can she leave the child for a long time? I, healthy, do not keep up with him very often, but where would she go? She, of course, can handle it, I have no doubt. But at what cost to yourself?
Anya confesses: her biggest nightmare is when a child is with her grandmother that she will suddenly become ill. Therefore, he tries to call them as often as possible and not linger on his business. Mom, of course, is offended by such control, but not much. She herself understands everything.
Julia, daughter Inga, 3 years old:
– I have good relations with my mother-in-law, maybe because we live in different cities. We constantly talk on the phone, I send her photographs, but she cannot often come to visit us. And this is the “dark side” of our relationship. She was at the birth of Ingush, then, when she was one year old … in general, for all the time she saw the child six or seven times a week, no more. And although according to my stories she knows about how Inga behaves, and about her pranks, and about the peculiarities of behavior, all the same, I cannot leave the child with her.
Julia recalls that there were attempts. But each time they ended with bewilderment on the part of the grandmother and the baby’s hysteria.
– If she had stayed longer at least once, she would have seen what Inga loves, how she reacts to different situations, how she behaves on a walk, – the young mother complains. – Well, or at least I came more often. The child manages to forget her completely and does not want to spend time with “someone else’s aunt.” Hopefully, when my daughter gets older, this situation will change.
Interestingly, Julia’s husband does not share these concerns. And she does not understand why the spouse trusts the kindergarten teachers more than his mother. Julia has not yet succeeded in explaining to her beloved that they already know their daughter better than their own grandmother.
Ksenia, son of Timur, 5 years old:
– A child to the mother-in-law? One? No, no more! – Ksenia literally shakes with rage. – Let them talk as much as they like, but only with me.
The transgressions of grandmother No. 2 (No. 1 is her mother by default) Ksenia can list endlessly. I gave five-year-old Timur an extra candy, went to the store while the child was asleep, raised her voice to him, and even – oh, horror! – slapped on the pope.
“She also says all the time that we have spoiled him and that we do not know how to raise children,” the young woman complains. – And he does not hesitate to express all this in front of him. “Oh, I dropped it on my shirt, why didn’t they teach you how to eat,” and in the same spirit.
Ksyusha also has many complaints about her mother, but they are set forth in a different imperative. After all, this is a mother, there is more confidence in her. But she would not have left Timur even for a couple of days. Half a day is the maximum and only in extreme cases.
– After the weekend with the grandmother, the child needs to be raised anew. Discipline? No, you haven’t. Who else will pamper, if not granny.
– Yes, I gave him only three strawberries! What kind of allergy? Well, she said, nothing will come from her own from the garden. Think for yourself what you fed him, I have nothing to do with it.
– Mom, it’s true that when you were little you behaved even worse than me. As who said? Grandmother!
– And my grandmother says that you do not need me, since you send me to her so often. She also says that if I misbehave, she will give me an injection soothing.
“My grandmother always helps me to get dressed and undress. And the toys are not forced to clean up. And you can watch cartoons as much as you like, while she went to lie down.
For every #yazhemom someday there will definitely be its own #yazhegranny. It is understandable when a child cannot be entrusted to his family due to objective reasons: distance or health. But claims, if any, are usually mutual. It is good if adults are smart enough not to express them in front of a child. And if not? Then it’s a pity for the kid who is between two fires. He loves both his grandmother and his parents. And they swear! And because of him! What should I think? Yes, that he is so bad and is to blame for everything. This is the road to nowhere.
And let’s be honest: yes, we are paranoid. We are afraid of everything: from vaccinations to teachers in schools, from fast food to bad company. And grandmothers as well. Fortunately, there are fewer stories like our heroines than stories about caring relatives and harmonious family relationships. So maybe you should stop being afraid? And remember that, unfortunately, grandmothers will not be with their grandchildren as long as we all would like.