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We all heard that time is our most valuable resource, that it cannot be returned, not reversed, and at the same time we continue to spend precious minutes, hours and even days right and left. Why is this happening? This is due to several cognitive errors.
This happens to us every day. A neighbor comes in and starts talking about nothing, and we nod politely, although in fact we are in a terrible hurry. Or colleagues start talking about some nonsense, and we allow ourselves to be drawn into the conversation without even thinking about how much time it takes. Or we get a message from a friend: “Hey, I need your bright head here. Can you help?» — and then we agree. Really, you won’t refuse an old friend, will you?
The philosopher Seneca once remarked how stupid even the smartest people are when it comes to protecting their own time: “None of us gives our money to the first person we meet, but how many give their lives! We are frugal in regard to property and money, but we think too little about how we spend our time, the only thing about which we should be most stingy.
Today, 2000 years later, we are still letting our most precious resource slip through our fingers. Why? Entrepreneur and author of How Strong People Solve Problems Ryan Holiday says there are four reasons for this.
We are sure that we have more than enough time
They say we live on average to 78 years. It seems like an eternity. What should we spend 20 minutes on this or that? Go to a meeting in a cafe on the other side of the city, spending an hour on the road, and even an hour back? Not a question, why not.
We do not realize that our time is finite and there is no guarantee that everything will not end tomorrow. But, more importantly, over time, as with money: we do not just spend a few minutes that we have in our “wallet”, but also reduce the accumulated stock.
We are afraid that others will not like our refusal.
We don’t want to be thought badly of us, so we answer “yes” to everything – or, in extreme cases, “maybe”, even when we want nothing more than to refuse.
Ryan Holiday recalls that the appearance of children helped him get rid of this addiction. Becoming a father, he realized that when he takes on unnecessary obligations, it is his two-year-old son who suffers first of all. It is important to realize that by saying “yes” to one, we automatically say “no” to another, and often to family and other loved ones.
Do not be afraid to ignore a message from someone you do not want to communicate with, or answer with a firm “no” to an offer that is not interesting to you or an inappropriate request, because, otherwise, your child may again be left without an evening fairy tale.
We don’t value ourselves enough
One of the reasons why we lack the confidence to say no to someone for fear of hurting his or her feelings is that we don’t feel entitled to put our own interests ahead of others. When asked why she still continues to work, Joan Rivers, one of the most successful comedians in the world, once answered that she was driven by fear: “If there are no entries in my calendar, it means that no one needs me It means that everything I did in my life was in vain. So, everyone has forgotten me or is about to forget. But then she was already over 70 and she was a living legend!
Isn’t it sad? And this need to be needed is in each of us.
We didn’t build up the muscles to fight for the frontiers
We are all subject to weaknesses. We reach for our phones to see what’s new on social media. We let Netflix and YouTube suggest us a new video, and then another, and another, and another. Don’t mind the boss texting us in the middle of the night on urgent business.
We are not protected by anyone or anything: there is no secretary sitting in the reception room, and there are no more walls or even partitions in office spaces. Anyone can reach us at any moment. We cannot, like the bosses in old films, tell the secretary: “Don’t connect me with anyone today. If anything, I’m gone.»
“I thought a lot about how I would like to see my life,” says Ryan Holiday. — I thought about it, conducting long negotiations on the phone, instead of limiting myself to a short letter. Or sitting in a meeting, which could well have been replaced by a telephone conversation. This wasted time I could spend on something really important: family, reading. Unlike Joan Rivers, I’m only happy when my calendar is empty. I know exactly what I want to spend time on, and I don’t want it to be stolen from me. ”
It’s not that your time is more valuable than other people’s time. Time is valuable in itself, and it’s time to start to understand this.
In addition, Holiday is sure that you can say “no” and still continue to help others. “Although I can’t answer every email, I try to pick the questions that people ask the most and cover them in articles. I help them as much as I can and at the same time save my time.
A smart philanthropist donates superprofits, not assets that help him earn money, which means that he continues to help others. The same principle can be applied to your own time.
So there is nothing wrong with avoiding specific calls, refusing to participate in uninteresting or unprofitable meetings, ignoring most emails. Everyone has the right to manage their own time and not feel guilty and ashamed for it.
It’s not that your time is more valuable than other people’s time. Time is valuable in itself, and it’s time to start realizing that right now.
About the Author: Ryan Holiday is an entrepreneur and author of How Strong People Solve Problems and Bestseller. How to create and promote creative projects” and a number of others.