Complementing the well-known saying, we can say that not only a bad (and, in general, alien) example is contagious: we also read and adopt the mood of the people around us just as well. How can we use this feature of ours?
Our actions are contagious, and yawns are a prime example of this. Just remember: as soon as you see someone nearby yawning, your mouth immediately opens wide. However, the matter is not limited to yawns alone: we even begin to blink in unison with the interlocutor, and a group of people at a meeting breathes with the same frequency. If, however, we sit side by side in two rocking chairs with a friend, we will soon begin to rock at the same time.
There’s nothing to be done about it: we are social animals and love to do everything together. And yet (and this is no less well-known fact) we communicate mostly non-verbally. It is known that about 93% of the information from each other we absorb, reading the body language, tone and facial expression of the interlocutor, and not what he actually says. We exchange the unspoken, unconsciously reading signals and hints.
Is it any wonder that not only our actions are contagious, but also our emotions? We pick up moods from each other like an airborne virus, and let it go further along the network of acquaintances. Seeing how someone smiles or moves their eyebrows, we smile and frown ourselves, although we don’t notice it, repeating the microexpressions of the interlocutor’s face.
And if what we say goes against our feelings, others cannot be deceived: they read our emotions. In any case, those people from our environment with whom we see each other quite regularly. Interlocutors prone to empathy are especially good at noticing other people’s facial microexpressions and unconsciously “appropriate” and repeat them, simultaneously understanding the true meaning of the words spoken.
But what about the fact that our emotions depend on what we do? Is it worth it to smile on purpose if cats scratch at heart? It is believed that yes: although most of us smile when we are in a good mood, the reverse order also works — forcing ourselves to smile, you can get out of the blues.
If a friend looked happy, and you felt bad after talking with him, it may have been just a mask.
“Smiling, even if cats scratch at heart, is really useful,” confirms psychologist Arina Lipkina. — It is known that a smile even changes our pain threshold: smiling, we can endure more pain, including physical pain. Our ability to resist stress and any kind of negative influences is also growing, whether it be the weather, health, the emotional atmosphere around us or our own state.
If it’s unusual for you to smile, try treating it as an exercise: several times a day, go to the mirror and smile to yourself. Sooner or later it will become a habit, and the effect of it will definitely be: the oppressed state will begin to recede. The main thing is to do it not purely mechanically, but with a full understanding of why and for what, what it gives. Then the smile will not be strained and forced.
Now let’s put all the pieces of the puzzle together. We read the micro-expressions of others and «pick up» other people’s moods, and all this has a very tangible effect on our general state. If the interlocutor is happy, we begin to feel happier. If he is upset, angry, full of energy, we — whether we like it or not — are given his mood.
Feeling overwhelmed after talking to a friend? Mentally return to the conversation, try to remember the sensations. It may turn out that what was said aloud went against the emotional mood of the interlocutor. Even if he looked happy, and you felt bad after talking with him, perhaps it was just a mask. But if you feel better from communicating with a person, you can infect others with your good mood.
“A kind of mutual chain reaction is launched,” explains Arina Lipkina. We smile and thus convey a positive message to those who look at us. They “return” us a smile, and we stop feeling lonely and isolated.”
We influence each other every day: we read emotions, we adapt, we mirror, becoming “average” from our inner circle, and this is definitely worth remembering.